After seeing the photo that launched a thousand blog postings—the one of a man getting searched to the point of knowing his religion—the TSA went from a minor security inconvenience to one worthy of starring in its own de-motivational poster. The TSA is supposed to be here to protect us, and instead it causes us to become angry and restless from waiting in lines and making sure we have only the appropriate amount of fluids in out carry-on luggage. Now they’ve upped the ante from the full-body screenings that would have made Superman blush (he, after all, could only see to Lois Lane’s modest underthings) and can see whether or not you’ve shaved your legs recently. No word on whether or not hairy legs are a sign of a threat or not. Because of the backlash of the scans that were designed to “keep us safe”, which we later found out were, in some cases, printed and brought home by security staff for their, ahem, personal use, TSA decided to rock it old school. They’ve gone back to the LAPD pat-down.
In general, pat-downs are used on the street because street cops don’t have a lot of handy-dandy technology (unless you’re watching CSI for your information, in which case, you have other issues to discuss with your therapist). But the TSA, in their efforts to thwart terrorism and avoid another attack like the one in 2001, have had a lot of government money and research at their disposal to make flying safer for all of us. And I, for one, don’t mind getting my bags searched and taking off my shoes. The waiting makes me cranky, but that also gives me ample people-watching time. However, I must add that I have never been put through the indignity of a full-body scan, and I can say unequivocally that I would lose it if some woman wanted to touch me all over because my toothpaste exceeded the 3.4-ounce limit. While TSA Chief John Pistole waffles over policy changes, Hillary Clinton has already stated that, although she is exempt from such searches, would not submit to such an invasion of privacy.
San Diego traveler John Tyner became a national hero when he told a TSA screener bearing gloves and a giant sense of entitlement, “If you touch my junk, I’m gonna have you arrested.” And why the search? Dude is so All-American that apple pie and baseball are shamed in his presence. Hours later, he was released. And so, as the Thanksgiving and the busiest traveling time of the year approaches, all of our collective junk still hangs in the balance (so to speak) while the TSA and Congress try to come up with something better. President Barack Obama has stated that he wants to ensure our security, but to review methods to find ways that are “less intrusive.” Left to their own devices, the TSA would have colonoscopy and “turn your head and cough” rooms for “suspicious types” like John Tyner. Of course we need airport security, but there are airports that are doing it right, and those are the places that we need to be looking at modeling ourselves after. Instead, we have meetings.
I wonder how long it takes to walk 300 miles to see my parents.









