Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Emmitt Smith is one of the most lovable winners in NFL history.  He reigned supreme during the 90s heyday of the Dallas Cowboys, and maintained his dignity even during his stint on Dancing with the Stars.  He has three enormous diamond-encrusted Superbowl rings, holds the NFL record for career rushing yards and surpassed all running backs with 164 career rushing touchdowns.  In short, he was awesome.  Awesome like the Grand Canyon.  He is someone to be in awe of.

Unless you are from the University of Florida.

"Sorry, Gator Nation. Just don't make me eat that Cheese Thing."

When Smith was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame Saturday night, he made an epic 21-minute speech.  He thanked everyone from his high school coach to Jesus.  He made special mention to Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, and Daryl Johnston, all of whom he asked to stand to accept his thanks.  He went on to list 17 offensive linemen who kept him safe on the field.  He requested that they each stand as he called out their names.  He also stated that his cousins Morris, Jerome, Edward, Tim, and Jeffrey were instrumental in helping to shape him into the player he became.  But, of course, he was mostly thankful to Jesus, even though there is no record of The Savior ever throwing him a touchdown pass or blocking for him.

So the fans of the Gator Nation were suitably miffed when Emmitt Smith forgot to mention his college years altogether.  In 2006, the University of Florida inducted him into the Gator Ring of Honor and gave him the title of “Gator Great”, all of which is a very big deal.  Gator football is more important to lots of people than their own families are.  Gator fans are essentially Yankees fans with deep tans.  They’d sooner kill a man than give up their seats to a game.  College football is big business to those folks.  And the man they had made a point of honoring just sorta forgot them.  Certainly, many cans of Bud Light were thrown against many Floridian walls on Saturday night.

That sweet, sweet man made a big, big boo-boo.

By the time he realized his mistake, the Twitter-verse was buzzing about the Gator Nation being snubbed.  And Smith was contrite, taking to Twitter himself to apologize in 140 characters or less.  “I sincerely sincerely apologize,” he tweeted, “for not mentioning u in my hof speech Gator Nation.”  He also went on NBC Sports Sunday Night to give a shout-out to Urban Meyer, Jeremy Foley, the University of Florida, and the entire Gator Nation.  He redeemed himself.  Al Michaels accepted his apology on behalf of everyone who was busy tearing down posters and burning jerseys.

Emmitt Smith is not the kind of man that anyone can really stay mad at.  He’s 5 feet, 9 inches of cuddliness.  But if he truly wants to show his remorse, he should maybe go on another halftime show in a Gators jersey and eat that new heart attack on toast, the Denny’s Fried Cheese Melt.  That thing got as much press as the Hall-of-Famer did.

Strange world.

It came as no surprise when Charlie Sheen agreed to plead guilty to one count of misdemeanor third-degree assault when opposing counsel offered to drop two other charges, including felony menacing.  This all stems from the argument he had with wife Brooke Mueller last Christmas during which she claims that he threatened her with a large knife.  Now he is free to continue work next week on his still-popular sitcom Two and a Half Men.  There’s a great role model for the kids to be watching.

Charlie Sheen is free to menace again!

One can only assume that the agreement was drafted by an opposing attorney who was himself under the influence of something.  The terms of Sheen’s release include 30 days of probation, 36 hours of anger management, and 30 days of rehab.  Not only can Sheen check into his second home, Promises (into a room that by now must be known as the “Charlie Sheen Suite”), but he might not have to go at all, since the 93 days he’s spent there this year alone might be able to negate any rehab related to this particular conviction.  The actor was also concerned about suffering the embarrassment of performing community service in Aspen, playground of many of his rich and famous friends.  Picking up trash alongside the highway while Robert Downey, Jr. bombs by in a Porsche is just more than the comedic actor can handle.

Sheen has, evidently, already done a 36-hour anger management course, but that might not apply to this case.  Brooke Mueller, who admitted to a few addictions of her own, has also done some rehab and, according to Sheen’s attorney, both have been sober for months.  Months.  That must come as a huge relief to Denise Richards, Sheen’s first wife and mother of two of his children.  Now he’s likely to be a much better Daddy.  He and Mueller, who finally stopped wearing her wedding ring in June (although that could change at any time), have reconciled several times since the Christmas Day event.  According to the 43-page divorce papers that have been drafted—but not yet signed—Sheen will have ample visitation with his twins by Mueller, and neither parent will be able to talk trash about the other in front of the kids.  We’ll see whether it is little Bob or young Max who first utters the phrase “money-grubbing” or “violent junkie”.

While it is, as usual, the kids who suffer the most in these situations, it is normal for the parents to suffer a little, at least.  For Charlie Sheen, who is no stranger to domestic violence and drug addiction, to be able to return to work on his popular television show within a week after his conviction seems, somehow, just not quite right.  But that’s Hollywood.  It’s a shame that Charlie Sheen can’t seem to reinvent himself the way Robert Downey, Jr. has.  But, then, it was over a year in jail that finally forced the actor to change his ways.

So far, Charlie Sheen has dodged more bullets than he ever did in Platoon.

There's only one word for why this woman can't keep a man: NEEDY

When Jennifer Love Hewitt first became famous in teen movies as the All-American Girl Next Door, everyone thought she was a babe.  First, she was the Party of Five young babe.  Then she grew into the I Know What You Did Last Summer babe.  It is some slight perversion men have with her angelic baby face on the body of a porn star.  And the girlish voice to match.  She’s 31 now and still sounds like she’s 9.  But from her first famous boyfriend (Blossom’s Joey Lawrence, famous for playing dumb guys convincingly) on, J Love was looking to get married. 

When she and Jamie Kennedy started dating, it took about five minutes before everyone was asking when the couple would get engaged.  This caused a bit of panic in Kennedy, who seems to revel in being single.  After he called her “pear ass” while they were on vacation together, the relationship was on the rocks, but J Love loves love and stuck with him.  She told the press that she didn’t want to get married right away, but that if she didn’t get an engagement ring after a year, there would be a problem.

Here we are, a year later.  And Jennifer Love Hewitt finds herself single again.  Rumors of her possessiveness started early.  She seemed to buy Tiffany eternity rings by the crate, giving them to each boyfriend along the way to mark her territory.   She gave one to boy-bander Rich Cronin in 1999, and then ended up dumping him over the phone when she found someone more marriage-minded.  This self-proclaimed “relationship girl” went through Carson Daly, Wilmer Valderrama, Craig Bierko, John Mayer, John Cusack and a few others before she found her soul mate in Ross McCall.  But then they broke up.  Ten minutes later, Kennedy was at the plate.

And after a year of the sweet-faced girl nagging him to death, the two declared an “amicable split”.  Working together on Ghost Whisperer should be a total blast for them now. 

The split came just in time for the publishing of Hewitt’s first book, entitled “The Day I Shot Cupid: My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m A Love-Aholic”.  How embarrassing.  But, after a sassy new haircut, she bravely went to her book signings and posed for the cameras.  Basically, it seems that her book is how she sees her dating history, and how it is unlike the stories from the media.  “My dating life has been written about really since I was 15,” she told the Associated Press.  “So this book is my way of saying, ‘No, this is who I am and this is what I’ve really thought about that, and these are the things that I’ve done that maybe you didn’t read about”. 

Sounds fascinating.

It shouldn’t be long before she has another man on her arm.  She’s great at finding them. 

And what’s sexier to a man than a woman who writes a book with the word “love-aholic” in the title?

Everyone is talking about Johnny Depp’s performance in Alice in Wonderland, as the movie is out now—in 3-D, no less—and he takes the role of Mad Hatter to a maniacal level.  Never mind that he looks alarmingly like his version of Willie Wonka, who looked alarmingly like Michael Jackson (the later years); he’s still Johnny Depp, and still doing a great job.  He’s clearly billed as the star of the film, but Helena Bonham Carter, who is always cast in Tim Burton movies (regardless of talent) because she’s married to him, pretty much steals the show as the Red Queen.  We’ll try to forgive her singing in Sweeney Todd after this performance.  But the Alice portrayed by Mia Wasikowska is what truly separates this version from the original.  This Alice, for starters, isn’t a young child.  She is, in fact, a young adult with a strong mind.

"I must have left my 'Girl Power' t-shirt at home, luv."

Leave it to Tim Burton to create a female character worth looking up to.  In the movie, Alice very publicly turns down an engagement ring from the son of her late father’s business partner, choosing instead to follow a white rabbit down into his hole, commencing on her own individual adventure.  Without a husband, even!  And she manages to fight the Jabberwocky and end the reign of the Red Queen—without a man!  Whether or not Tim Burton set out to create a feminist art piece, that’s what happened.  But it has the requisite amount of creepy-looking characters and borderline-disturbing cinematography to make it a signature Burton film.

And then there’s the new Pirates of the Caribbean coming out.  Having already cast Penelope Cruz as Captain Jack Sparrow’s love interest (and the daughter of his nemesis, Blackbeard), Disney released an unusual ad in its quest for other female characters.  According to the New York Post, the notice reads (in part): “Must have lean dancer body.  Must have real breasts.  Do not submit if you have implants.”

Do they expect anyone applying for extra work in Hollywood to fit these specifications?  I don’t think there are any actress-wanna-be types that haven’t had surgical enhancement of the chestal region.  According to the same article in post, Disney casting directors intend to ask actresses to run in place.  If there is breast movement, they pass the test.  Is this backlash from having Keira Knightley in the previous three films?  She is notoriously flat-chested.  Maybe Disney is keeping in that theme, although they are not keeping the actress.   Jack Sparrow would be horrified.  He likes big ones.

Neither Knightley nor the ever-irritating Orlando Bloom will appear in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.  Both actors have said that they feel their characters have “run their course”.  Odds are, with Depp pulling in an estimated $40 million to star in the 4th installment of the mega-franchise, producers simply didn’t want to pay anyone else big-star money for their roles.  Since Cruz’s character is somewhat less prominent, she won’t be pulling in a Knightley-sized salary.  The movie is slated for release in May 2011.

The fact is, they can cast pretty much anyone to do anything in the Pirates movies.  We go to see Johnny Depp as Captain Jack.  Everything else is just details.  Ian McShane will play Blackbeard, and Geoffrey Rush will return as Barbossa.  Blah Blah Blah Johnny Depp  Blah Blah Jack Sparrow.

It is doubtful Johnny Depp intended to be the spokesperson for female empowerment and non-silicone-enhanced actors.  He stumbles into these things.  That’s how he ends up on the cover of People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive issue, like, every year.

Good girls who love bad boys celebrated when Sandra Bullock and Jesse James first hooked up.  And stayed around for more than a quick shower and complimentary breakfast.  The twice-before married James enjoyed a second marriage with porn star Janine Lindemulder, who was known by non-college-boys as the naughty nurse from a Blink-182 video.  But after Sandy met Jesse, sparks flew, and, despite not having any idea where those fingers had been, the actress was proud to slip a wedding ring on him in July 2005.  They were in love.  It was bliss.  She considered his tattoos ‘reading material’ when she couldn’t sleep.

You can dress him up, but you can't leave him alone for five minutes.

And now, we sadly learn (with absolutely no shock whatsoever) that, while Bullock was off shooting the Oscar-nominated The Blind Side, her husband was hooking up with (I kid you not) a tattoo model called Michelle “Bombshell” McGee.  Michelle claims that she was under the impression that the couple had split, because she would never hook up with a married guy.  Uh-huh.  She claims that they texted each other several times a day and met up at least twice a week during Bullock’s absence.

Sandy left the home she shares with James on Monday, and has decided not to attend the London premiere of The Blind Side.  She is, of course, distraught.  But can she be surprised?  Did she believe that this leopard could change his tattooed spots?  I suppose, after she read that McGee called him the “Vanilla Gorilla” (use your imagination), she knew that the model had truly gotten a tour of his, ahem, Monster Garage.  McGee also dropped the details that James prefers to ‘go commando’ and enjoys unprotected relations.

And good girls everywhere collectively wept.  How we want to believe that a bad boy can be a good husband.  We operate under the happy delusion that he only needs to find the right woman to settle down.  For the third time.

When James accompanied his wife to the Oscars, fashion commentators were saying that he “cleaned up well”, and he did, in fact, look ecstatically happy to be with his wife.  When she won the Oscar for Best Actress, she thanked him in her speech.  But, alas, so did Reese Witherspoon, Halle Berry, and Hilary Swank.  Their marriages all ended shortly thereafter.

The only person who is coming out on top, so to speak, is McGee, whose name is now known outside of the tattoo model enthusiast inner circle.  She was interviewed by In Touch magazine.  He name is in all the tabloids.  Sleeping with famous guys has a way of doing that.  Sleeping with the husband of an Oscar winner, well, that’s more priceless than a Monster Garage full of diamonds.

Maybe the allegations will prove false.  Maybe the “Vanilla Gorilla” didn’t really do it.  But it seems that the name of his show Jesse James Is A Dead Man has proven prophetic.

Don’t mess with the good girls.  We stick together.

This Thursday marks the return of the Real Housewives of New York.  Somehow, all of the same annoying rich women will be whining about how difficult it is to be rich.  They must have all gotten the raises they wanted, because Ramona, Jill, Alex, Luann, Kelly, and Bethenny have all signed on again and filmed.  They are joined by two others, Sonja Morgan and Jennifer Gilbert.  The word is that, by the end of the season, everyone pretty much hates everyone else, which works out, since we all pretty much hate them already.

It seems that the newest wives aren't allowed to be photographed yet.

Evidently, Bethenny, riding high on the success of her Skinnygirl Margaritas and her book (or is it books); her pregnancy; and most importantly, her 8-carat diamond engagement ring, alienates even die-hard friend Jill Zarin.  Last season, they were constantly joined at the accents, with Bethenny’s voice only slightly less annoying.  They remained friends even through the fur-flying smackdown that was the reunion show.  But now, Bethenny’s got a man who is so whipped that he spends the summer driving her around the Hamptons in a branded Skinnygirl Margarita Volkswagen convertible.  You can bet that he carries her purse for her whenever she wants, too.  Now she’s also got another deal with Bravo for her own show, called “Bethenny’s Getting Married?” 

To make sure she was still getting attention, Kelly Bensimon posed naked for Playboy.  Alex and Simon are still, apparently, just over the moon about each other, no matter how disgusting it is to other people.  Ramona and Jill are still just being Ramona and Jill.  There isn’t much to say about them, since neither is particularly interesting unless interacting with one of the others and characteristically starting a fight. 

Countess Luann—who revels in being “privileged”—went through a divorce, but still gets to keep her title.  This works out well now that she’s decided to make a career of being the new maven of etiquette.  Her book “Class with the Countess” wouldn’t exactly have flown off the shelves if it was called “Class with Luann”, which brings to mind wife-beater tank tops and banjos.  She decided to supplement her income by (God I wish I was kidding) recording an etiquette-related dance track called “ Money Can’t Buy Class”.  How delighted she must be to forever be known as She Who Walked in the Wig-Wearing Footsteps of Kim Zolciak. 

Speaking of Kim Zolciak, by the way, she has pulled a Lohan and switched teams to date DJ Tracy Young.  Without Big Papa to finance her blond wigs, ghetto nails, and ostentatious diamond jewelry, she almost had to (the horror!) get a job.  That is, until she found song lyrics written by her 9-year old and recorded “Tardy to the Party”, which, for some inexplicable reason, became popular, particularly at the numerous Kim Zolciak Drag Queen Lookalike pageants that she inspired.  That has brought the chain-smoking, wine-guzzling Atlantan enough revenue to keep her afloat for a while.  Hopefully, her kid will keep writing, or she’ll have to dump her girlfriend in favor of someone who makes some serious bank.

Why two new women chose to jump into the fray will forever be a mystery.  As will the reason that we keep tuning in to New York, Orange County, New Jersey, Atlanta, and whatever the new city will be.  These women are the car crash we can’t take our eyes off of.  Bless their hearts for making the rest of us look so easygoing and altruistic.  Tune in Thursday.

It seems that Ryan Phillippe, the actor who was once lucky enough to slip a wedding ring on the delicate and wildly-successful ring finger of Reese Witherspoon, has been unfaithful to his girlfriend.  Why this would shock said girlfriend is a mystery, considering how they met.  While Ryan was married to Witherspoon, he met Abbie Cornish and began a relationship with her, apparently not understanding that this is not consideried acceptable behavior.  Cornish must have been hypnotized by his curly locks and complete lack of consideration for his family.

Somehow, the couple lasted, long after Witherspoon divorced her cheating husband.  They even moved in together, and Cornish patiently waited for her philandering boyfriend to slip a diamond-encrusted, high-quality engagement ring on her somewhat-immoral finger.  Engagement rumors swirled.  The couple was seen together everywhere.  They were in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve.   It might have been sweet if they didn’t start out in the midst of a high-profile divorce that involved the two young children Phillippe shares with Witherspoon.

And now—surprise, surprise—Phillippe has been seen with other women.  So after three years of delusional bliss, Cornish seems to be done with the actor.  She moved her stuff out of their shared home while her man was visiting with his two kids he had with the woman he cheated on with her.

During the time that Phillippe was in his doomed relationship with young Abbie, his ex-wife scored the ever-adorable Jake Gyllenhaal.  They were cuter than a roomful of tiny kittens riding a fleet of Roombas.  But they split, allegedly because Jake wanted to get married, but Reese didn’t seem to be ready to go there.  Small wonder.  She busies herself with raising her children and being America’s sweetheart.

Ryan Phillippe is, unfortunately, a good actor and is considered hot by many women.  Clearly.  He will find another, or woo Cornish back while still continuing to cheat, because he can.  It’s Hollywood.  Cheaters can keep cheating and the chicks still come a-runnin’.  It happens in the real world, too, but people are less likely to Tweet about it.  We are a culture of people who would rather see phone-quality photographs posted on Facebook pages if famous people are involved.  Who reads a blog to find out that Joe Average is having affairs when we can read about famous people doing bad things?

Poor Abbie.  Poor, poor Abbie.  But how in the name of all that is holy did she not see this train barreling down the tracks, straight for her?

Yes, we’re still talking about MTV’s runaway hit Jersey Shore, thanks to the controversy raised by Italian-American advocacy groups speaking out against them.  Now the heavily hair-gelled, silicone-enhanced, diamond-stud-wearing crew is asking for a raise.  They want $10,000 per episode.  JWoww evidently needs more cash to make those glorified napkins she’s calling her ‘signature’ tops to reveal her impressive chest.  And the electric bills from ironing their wife-beater tank tops must be outrageous.  Then there’s the cost of the gym memberships, the tanning salon visits…I could go on.

It costs a lot to keep your hair this high and your skin this orange.

So Snooki, “The Situation” and Pauly D, among others, are asking for more.  According to the New York Post, MTV “would like the popular names to return, but if the cast doesn’t agree to lower their demands, producers can easily replace them”.  True enough.  After all, Snooki is already bucking for her own reality show Snookin’ For Love, in which, she proudly announced, about 25 ‘guidos’ would compete for her love.  Maybe she should talk to Flavor Flav before she counts on reality TV to find her a soulmate.  But she certainly won’t have difficulty locating 25 ‘guidos’.  We’ve all seen the bar scenes.  Their particular corner of the shore is crawling with heavily-muscled, under-educated, orange fellas.

The current cast has taken full advantage of their new celebrity status.  They’ve partied in Las Vegas, met famous people, and have a following even among the Hollywood elite.  Michael Cera is such a fan that he not only hung with the cast, but allowed them to give him a guido makeover, famously moussing his hair skyward.  Ben Affleck has said that he hasn’t seen the show, but feels like he should.  The cast has even been photographed with the cast of The Hills and met Lindsay Lohan.  They must be so proud.  Maybe JWoww and Heidi Montag can discuss flotation-device-sized cosmetic enhancements.  Or their own burgeoning careers as fashion designers.

On the reunion show after this season wrapped, Sammi and Ronnie, speculated throughout the run to be on the road to shopping for Jersey quality engagement rings, broke up.  They cited Sammi’s apparent flirtation with a police officer and Ronnie possibly hooking up with JWoww.  Tears, anger, and running mascara ensued.  In never-before-seen footage, Mike “The Situation” comforts a crying Sammi and kisses her ‘near her mouth’.  Ronnie became angry in true Jersey Shore style, saying, “It really makes no difference to me. I cut girls quicker than barbers do, to be honest with you”.

It would be worth it to see Snooki at a ‘barber’, who would probably have no idea to give her the gravity-defying style that defines her.  Only a Jersey stylist, the same ilk that gave Adrianna on The Sopranos (prior to her death) her entertaining hairdos, could possibly execute such a move.

Snookin For Love is practically a go, although it sounds more VH1 than MTV.  As for the rest of the cast, they’ve already made impressive bank and can ride this fame wave for long enough to parlay it into their own spinoffs, or, as JWoww is already pursuing, clothing lines.

Our best wishes to the rest of the cast, wherever they end up.

Beyonce proved this New Year’s that she is either completely unaware of politics or that she can be bought for the right price.  The woman who performed at President Obama’s Inaugural Ball somehow decided it would be nice to perform for the youngest son of notorious Libyan bad guy Moammar Gaddafi to help him ring it the New Year.  Decked out in her traditional low-cut, leg-baring attire and diamonds, diamonds, diamonds, the famous songstress performed five songs at Hannibal (not kidding) Gaddafi’s St. Bart’s Annual New Year’s Bash.  Had she been performing in a more conservative, Middle Eastern country, she would have been required to cover herself.  But Hannibal knows better than to try and cover up the woman who considers herself “bootylicious”.

This Once-Admired Songstress...

What would make a person perform for someone like Hannibal Gaddafi?  Forgetting for a split second that he is the son of one of the world’s most reviled terrorist leaders (although Dad has made small efforts to make nice with the West), it seems that Hannibal himself is really not a very nice person.  On Christmas Day, 7 days before Beyonce’s performance, Hannibal beat his wife so violently that she suffered a broken nose and tremendous facial bleeding.  He was not prosecuted because of the ever-disgusting “Diplomatic Immunity” laws.  Charming.  Prior to that, he and his lovely wife were caught beating their servants in Switzerland.  Papa Moammar defended his son’s honor (and I use that term loosely) by arresting all Swiss nationals in Libya and closing all Swiss-owned businesses.  It worked.  Hannibal got off again.  He’s also driven drunk on the wrong side of the street, fought with police, and generally behaved like a spoiled child.  A spoiled 33-year-old child.  And Diplomatic Immunity has been his ever-present “get out of jail free” card.

...Performed For This Wife-Beating Criminal. Happy New Year!

Nonetheless, our Beyonce proved that she will sing for anyone if the price is right.  But it’s not like she needs the money.  She’s made millions upon millions herself, and husband Jay-Z is a giant in recording and producing music, and is part-owner of the popular 40/40 Club and New Jersey Nets.  He also has a clothing line (who doesn’t?).  With a net worth of over $150 million, it seems that his wife doesn’t need to perform for criminals to make ends meet.

But perform she did.  Her price appears to be $2 million.  In attendance at this vile $12,000/table display were stars like Russell Simmons, Jon Bon Jovi, Lindsay Lohan, Miranda Kerr and, of course, her hubby.  Those Gaddafis can certainly bring in the star power.

Again, how can the woman who tearfully sang the Etta James classic “At Last” for Michelle and Barack Obama’s first dance as President and First Lady justify performing at that particular event.  There were surely other offers on the table.

But then, being married to someone who recorded the track “Money, Cash, Hoes” doesn’t really have that much to live up to, I guess.

Some of us were crushed when Soundgarden split up.  The band had recently had a string of hits, a phenomenon that generally directly precedes the demise of all great bands, especially hardcore grunge bands.  In 1996, Metallica refused to play Lollapalooza unless Soundgarden also played.  This further validation of their popularity was the final death knell for one of the original great grunge acts, who split in 1997 after a tension-filled world tour.  Bandmates focused most of their anger on singer Chris Cornell, who brought his own Yoko into the picture after he put a wedding ring on the finger of Alice In Chains manager Susan Silver.  Some claim that members of Soundgarden asked Silver to take over managing duties.  Most call her “Yoko”, which is never a good thing.

BUT THE GREAT NEWS IS…

A Soundgarden reunion was announced by uber-hottie Cornell on New Year’s Day. 

No "One Tree Hill" Soundtrack Nonsense Here.

Genius Guitarist Kim Thayil, Bassist Ben Shepherd, and Drummer Matt Cameron have been playing together recently, have been interviewed together, and seemed to get on just fine.  There was only one thing missing from the equation that equals Soundgarden: the screaming vocals of one Chris Cornell.  And the boys didn’t seem too anxious to see him again, with Thayil even saying, “I’d imagine [a reunion] could [happen], it’s perfectly within the realm of possibilities—everyone’s still alive.  But I don’t see it happening”.  That was in early 2009.  The implication is that they didn’t feel the love for Cornell anymore.

I mean, he has changed.  He’s married again, has 2 new kids, and lives in Paris.  He recorded his last album with hip-hop producer Timbaland.  The good thing about “Scream” is that it did show us that Chris hasn’t lost his formerly-signature vocal ability.  The bad thing is…well, pretty much everything else.  It was like someone put him on a short leash.  Even the video for the single “Scream” makes it seem like he was dying to push further. 

Some of us still crave “Pushing Forward Back”, not ‘restrained vocals with a backbeat suitable for “One Tree Hill”’.  I mean, really.  We don’t want “Part of Me”.  We want “Big Dumb Sex”.

The band reunited onstage with Pearl Jam on October 6, 2009.  During the encore, Temple of the Dog reunited for “Hunger Strike”, and, like magic, all four members of Soundgarden were collaborating. 

After all, everyone has changed since 1997.  Everyone cut their hair, married, had kids.  Well, Kim Thayil still looks and acts exactly the same, continuing to rock out all over the Seattle area.  He’s the exception that makes the rule, the walking time machine.  But Ben Shepherd has a daughter and owns an upscale Seattle bar called “Hazelwood”.  Matt Cameron is happily married and has 2 kids of his own.  I mean, these guys are now in their 40s. 

On the re-vamped SoundgardenWorld.com, the video on the homepage is vintage Soundgarden, a live performance of “Get On The Snake”, showing four guys needing haircuts and showers, banging their collective heads.  They are bringing us back to the truly good days of Soundgarden, even before “Black Hole Sun” tore up the charts and marked the beginning of the end for a band that was best when only hardcore fans had any idea who they were.

There is a story that went with the release of “Superunknown”.  It was said that the song “Like Suicide” was written by Cornell after a bird flew into his window.  To end the severely-injured animal’s suffering, it is said that he hit it with a brick.

For Soundgarden’s fans, we have finally been hit with a similar brick, and our suffering will soon end.  Now we just have to see if we still own flannel.