Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Thank God for Jessica Simpson, or we would never learn anything about how difficult it is to be judged by one’s appearance.  That is, unless you exist on this planet, in which case you live with it every day.  But she’s one chesty blond who knows how hard it is to be rich, beautiful, and famous, and she wants to share her experience with us.  That poor thing, who scored an engagement ring from a pop star (Nick Lachey, while famous) at age 21, dated John Mayer while he still had credibility, and was thisclose to getting engaged to NFL star Tony Romo, is eager to delve into the true meaning of beauty.

"Can we get a burger after this?"

This whole project began after her career started to falter, she became known as the “curse” of the Dallas Cowboys, and she performed at a chili cook-off in those unflattering Mom Jeans.  At the time, she chose not to respond to the world-at-large as they commented on her obvious weight gain.  She finally appeared on Oprah on Wednesday and stated that she “didn’t want to feed into it”, using perhaps the poorest choice of words since, well, probably the thing she said five seconds earlier.  But she didn’t want to talk about that. 

She also didn’t want to talk about John Mayer’s recent remarks about her being “sexual napalm” and “crazy” in bed.  So she didn’t feed into that, either.  Until Oprah asked a question.  Then she said that she is “so disappointed in him”, and that “That’s not the John that [she] know[s]”.  She’s so embarrassed by everyone knowing that she is insatiable that she giggled and laughed while she talked about it. 

The real reason she was there was to plug her new reality show on VH1.  It was inspired by the Mom Jeans incident—which she didn’t want to talk about but was sure to mention that she only gained ten pounds and was a size 4—and became something that VH1 was proud to place among its other great programming like Rock of love: Tour Bus, Celebrity Fit Club 7, Celebrity Rehab 3, and RuPaul’s Drag Race.  Jessica took best friend CaCee Cobb and sylist/friend Ken Paves and brought them with her to Japan, Thailand, France, Brazil, Uganda, Morocco, and India to film The Price of Beauty.  When she went to Uganda, she learned that many brides were encouraged to gain as much weight as possible to be more attractive to their husbands.  While she was in Paris, she learned that fashion models are very skinny. 

And when she was in India, she learned how to sit and look like she was meditating in a full face of makeup, perfect hair, and pouty lips.  You know, just the real Indians do it. 

In case you’re curious, The Price of Beauty begins airing on March 15.  Tune in.  It should be a hoot.

During this year’s Winter Olympics, figure skating got more attention than it has since the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding incident in 1994.  Lacking any real scandals, the media decided to make a really, really big deal out of an Olympic figure skater possibly being gay.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Seriously, was anyone surprised?

Yes, ladies and gentleman, Olympic skater and three-time US Champion Johnny Weir is probably not heterosexual.  And he’s not the first member of the Boy’s Club to compete.  It was positively shocking to many people when former US Champion Rudy Galindo came out in 1995.  For some reason.  I mean, really?  Is there any sport gayer than figure skating?  Yeah, of course there are a few heteros in the mix, as Elvis Stojko is very quick (and loud) to point out.  There’s also always a straight guy competing on Project Runway.  Remember that biker guy who favored tight black jeans…wait, never mind.  There are just some places that we should not be surprised to find our same-sex-loving male  friends, and figure skating ranks pretty well near the top.  It’s up there with fashion design and hairdressing. 

But this year, the question was actually posed: “Is Johnny Weir too gay for the Olympics?”  Some of us didn’t feel such a thing is possible.  Macho manly-man and adamantly heterosexual Elvis Stojko—a 37-year old single former Olympian who has never dated anyone, ever—has said that figure skating should be about “masculinity, strength, and power”.  Kinda makes you wonder why he didn’t play hockey instead.  Or not. 

But Weir is very much his own man.  The aspiring fashion designer who is responsible for most of his own costumes has said, “I love beautiful things, and if that means having a fur coat or diamonds or even if I want to wear a tiara someday, then that’s just the way it’s going to be”.  He likes to wear his lip gloss, and who of us will ever forget the night he was robbed of a medal but showed dignity and grace, wearing a crown of roses and carrying an enormous rose bouquet from his fans?  When asked about whether he was disappointed with the results of the competition, he waxed philosophical, saying, “As Lady Gaga would say, ‘I have all my role models out there’.  I may not be the most decorated person in the skating world, but judging by the audience reaction…they go on my journeys with me”. 

I dare say that he is probably the most decorated person in the skating world.  He just doesn’t have any Olympic medals.  He endured commentators laughing after saying his name; hearing competitors referred to as ‘athletes’ while he was ‘ever-flamboyant’; and even read that RDS, the Canadian ESPN, suggested that he undergo a gender test or compete against women.  The whole time, he kept his cool and, at a press conference to address the RDS comments, joked that he grew stubble to prove that he is, in fact, a man. 

The really, truly wild part about this whole story is that Johnny Weir has never once said that he is gay.  When asked, he has responded, “I don’t think it should matter”.  He’s right.  But there are one or two things that sort of give it away a little bit.  Maybe it’s the costumes, or the crown of roses, or the lip gloss, or performing in the Olympics to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”, or posing wearing platform stilettos, or the feathers and leather and fur. 

But will he ever say it out loud?  He might have to, because we might have some trouble seeing it through his p-p-p-p-poker face.

Curling has several things working in its favor during the 2010 Winter Olympics.  First and foremost, the Games are in Canada this year.  Canadians love their curling.  Second, the Canadian women’s team is getting crazy press because they’ve got a 5 ½ months-pregnant player on their team.  And then there’s the matter of Norway’s pants.  Those Norwegians have some crazy pants, and they’ve already proven that they aren’t embarrassed to wear them.  They should be, but, in a sport that 90% of the world doesn’t even know exists, they are unafraid to let their collective freak flag fly.  And, just in case the Americans were switching to reruns of Golden Girls whenever curling came on, Canada decided to call their ‘Skip’ (that’s Canadian for ‘Captain’) by the nickname ‘The Michael Jordan of Curling’.  Yeah, Americans have all heard of him.  That’ll get us to watch.

Do you need another reason to watch?

Does any of this add up to a wild American curiosity about something that more-or-less adds up to shuffleboard-on-ice?

Evidently so, because everyone is talking about it.  Mostly, they’re saying, “I don’t think I really understand curling”, but they’re watching while they try to figure it out. 

Curling is great for a whole bunch of reasons. 

 1. You can be really pregnant and still play, for example.  It isn’t a contact sport.  Some question whether or not it’s a sport at all.  Kristie Moore, the famous pregnant Olympic curler, came under fire for being the ‘most pregnant woman to compete in the Olympics’.  She and her boyfriend (actually, she’s been wearing an engagement ring for four years, but has made no plans to marry yet) decided to start a family before the possibility of playing in the Games came up.  When she was asked to be an alternate on the team, they were totally unfazed when she told them of the baby on the way.  Moore’s mother, a curler herself, was playing until a week before Kristie’s older brother Chad was born.  That’s how curlers roll, you see.

2. You can be about 100 and still play.  Since curling isn’t the most physically demanding of sports and lacks the kind of danger of skiing or snowboarding, players can play forever.  The ‘Skip’ of the Canadian women’s team is 43-year-old Cheryl Bernard.  The ‘Michael Jordan of curling’ is another 43-year-old Canadian, Kevin Martin, also known as “K-Mart” (I kid you not).  He can, evidently, ‘release his rock’ and ‘talk it all the way to the house’.  That’s how points are scored, with the ever-entertaining help of two teammates with “brooms” who furiously brush them on the ice to heat it and, thusly, help the “rock” towards its bullseye-like target.

3. With a “rock” consisting of 42 pounds of granite and a handle, it actually sounds like it might be strenuous to “throw” it.

4. You get to wear special shoes that enable you to both slide (if you’re ‘throwing’) or shuffle (if you’re “sweeping”).

5. Some of the “brooms” look just like brooms.  Some look more like whiteboard erasers on the end of a stick.  And they are personalized not only per team, but also by the individual player.

6. The sport was created 500 years ago in Scotland, when it got too cold to play golf, which leads us to:

7. Three words: Norwegian Curling Pants.

8. 90 minutes into the game, they stop to have a nosh.  The Chinese women brought strawberries yesterday.  The Swiss chose melon.  Some make time for some nice hot tea.

Curling is the second most popular sport in Canada—after hockey, of course.  And why shouldn’t it be (aside from the notion that most of us hadn’t heard of it until those crazy Norwegians took to the ice in red, white, and blue diamond-print pants)?  One would think it would be popular with South Florida residents, many of whom wear loud trousers and funny hats to play the warm-weather version, called ‘shuffleboard’.  The thing is, curling has been around for 500 years, and no one ever talked about it until the 2010 Winter Olympics.  It was a secret that the Canadians have been keeping from its neighbors to the south all this time.

It would’ve been okay if they kept it a little bit longer.

It isn’t a skit from David Letterman, or a scene from High Fidelity.  It sounds like it, and maybe it should be, but it’s not.  The Pontiff released his list of Top 10 Rock albums in Sunday’s official Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano, despite the Holy See’s previous censure of rock music as “the devil’s work”.  Although it is clear that “The times, they are a-changin’”, Bob Dylan didn’t make the list.  The guy who wrote “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” didn’t make the papal cut.  In the article, Giuseppe Fiorentino and Gaetano Vallini explain that Dylan was left out of the Holy Father’s CD collection because he blazed the trail for untalented singers and songwriters who have “harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners” with their sad stories.  Ouch. 

I bet Dylan’s glad to be Jewish now.

Sometimes, even He must put His hands in the air, and wave 'em like he jus' don't care.

It seems a rather odd move for the Pontifex Maximus, known more for his—you know—holiness than his taste in music, to even contemplate the differences between different popular music acts.  Surely there are things to be blessed and Dan Brown books to denounce.  On the other hand, this is a man who likes to wear giant gold crosses encrusted with diamonds and emeralds, and favors large man-rings.  An ear for modern music was sure to come.  I guess.

The albums that made the list are, to say the least, baffling.  The Beatles’ Revolver is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest rock albums of all time, but, considering that many of the songs were either a direct or indirect result of LSD experimentation, it is surprising that the Holy See would embrace it.  Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon also made the cut.  Evidently, its original title, Dark Side of the Moon: A Piece for Assorted Lunatics, remains unknown to His Holiness.  Either that, or he, too, was mourning the loss of Syd Barrett to drug-addled insanity.  Speaking of which, David Crosby made the list with If Only I Could Remember My Name, and Fleetwood Mac with Rumours. 

How Michael Jackson’s Thriller got the spiritual nod, we may never understand.  According to the article, “Some songs seem to have been written yesterday…while others still send shivers down the spine for their illuminating simplicity and musical thrust”.  On one hand, it seems that the Father Confessor wouldn’t listen to pop music.  On the other hand, Michael Jackson and Catholic priests do have several things in common.  U2’s Achtung, Baby makes sense because there is a common thread of sanctimony.

Also making the list were Donald Fagen’s The Nightfly, Paul Simon’s Graceland, and Carlos Santana’s Supernatural.  Those can all get by without question.  The Pontiff has some ‘splainin’ to do about putting Oasis’ (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? On there.  Just having the word “glory in the title doesn’t make it Pope-worthy.

The Vatican stated that any of these albums would be perfect music for anyone marooned on a desert island.  Bob Dylan would probably disagree.  Or, most likely, laugh his unholy behind off.

Miami, FL – Everyone in the country is gearing up for tonight and Super Bowl XLIV.  It’s the biggest of the biggest football games, the clash of the titans (sit down, Tennessee, we ain’t talking about you), the World Championship game.  It is about the best of the best playing against each other for the title.  New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.  Drew Brees against Peyton Manning.  Some are calling this the greatest matchup ever.

One of Them Is Playing in the Super Bowl Today. The Other, Everyone Will Be Watching.

But that’s not what is getting press.  Sure, some sportswriters are focusing on the actual game, the talent of the teams, the matchup overall.  But most of the headlines, blog posts, articles, and water-cooler chat are revolving around something else.

The generous tuchis of Kim Kardashian.  Yeah, it’s Super Bowl Sunday.  The beers are chilling, the potato chips and cold cut platters have been picked up, and the two best football teams in the country are getting ready to play each other.  But what we want to know is: what will Kim Kardashian be wearing?

Sadly, it wasn’t hard to find the answer to that question.  Kim is superstitious, so she won’t be wearing a Saints jersey.  Perhaps she learned her lesson watching Jessica Simpson go from ‘good luck charm’ to ‘large-chested distraction’ after wearing her cute pink “Romo” jersey to just one Cowboys game.  Kim will be wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and boots, and will go with the Saints’ black-and-gold theme, but will not have the name “Bush” across her back.  If the rumors are true, she’ll also be wearing an engagement ring if the Saints win the Super Bowl. 

Vacuous former Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson already married herself an NFL player, and is looking forward to running out on the field if the Colts win the game.  Of course, she probably shouldn’t move too fast, as she doesn’t want to actually beat her second-string husband into any celebration.   Her child with back-up Cornerback Hank Baskett, Hank, Jr. will be wearing a little “Baskett” jersey, and Kendra will be in a custom Colts jersey that says “Mrs. Baskett”.  Ick. 

So we can keep up with the Kardashians and watch Kendra all in one sitting.  It’s not about two athletic teams: it’s a competition of Reality Show Famous-for-No-Reason Celebrities.  That’s not even taking into consideration that Brad Pitt and little Maddox left New Orleans for Miami yesterday to root on their Saints.  This is a Super Bowl that is already star-studded, and everyone is talking about it.

With all the world craning their necks toward the skyboxes to see how tight Kim’s jeans are or to find Brad and Maddox, one wonders if anyone will be paying attention to the action on the field.  It should be a great game.  Too bad almost no one will see it.

In an interesting twist, it seems that young Jesus Luz initiated the breakup with older-than-his-mom lady love Madonna.  We all assumed that he would ride the Madonna fame train for as long as he could, and she would continue to drink from his fountain of youth at least until he turned 25.  But no.  Jesus was ready to move on.  He’s already booking modeling jobs and has made a name for himself by being attractive.  Dating Madonna got him in the door, certainly, and now that he’s there, he’s ready to troll for some fresh meat himself.

The Price of Fame.

It’s not like we ever thought they’d get married.  First, Madonna has said that she’s rather get hit by a train than wed again.  Second, she would have to buy herself a suitable engagement ring, since Jesus still isn’t making the necessary bank to appropriately adorn the ever-aging finger of Madge.

Madonna must have flipped out when she was dumped by a guy she made famous.  She has a history of liking to control things.  But it seems that she couldn’t keep her claws in some 28 years younger.  Those young ‘uns got speed.  It has been reported that Jesus split from Madonna because of their busy work schedules.  His is only busy because Madonna took him from roaming the streets of Rio to walking the catwalks of New York, Milan, and Paris.  There were also indications that he had some difficulty with the age difference.  Sources said that he couldn’t imagine a long-term relationship with her.  Small wonder.  When he’s 30, she’ll be 58.  When he’s ready to settle down and have kids, she’ll be collecting her AARP benefits and social security checks.

Madonna, of course, also “leaked” a statement through a friend that she was growing weary of the relationship, that they had run out of things to talk about, that they had nothing in common but Kabbalah.  Um, duh.  Did they have anything to talk about in the beginning?  Their relationship seemed to primarily consist of:

“Hi, you’re hot and young.”

“Hi, you’re rich and famous.”

What then?  A long discussion about his ever-growing prowess at Guitar Hero?  An in-depth conversation about her painfully rigid diet and exercise regime?

They lasted a year.  So Madonna and Jesus did perform a miracle. 

Now Jesus can begin dating supermodels and Madonna can get back on her treadmill, and life will return to normal, without all the Jesus humor.  Now that’s sad.

Jim Carrey, the actor primarily known for facial contortions and odd behavior, has become “Sir Jim Carrey”.  Actually, since it’s France, the official title is ‘Chevalier’.  Nonetheless, he shares a title with other honorary knights like Sean Connery, Edward R. Murrow, Michael Gambon, Alec Guinness, Stephen Hawking, and George Mitchell.  Of course, those knights are in England.  Order of the British Empire.  Very much a big deal.  Carrey was given his title in France, the country that practically deifies Jerry Lewis.  So maybe it’s not quite the same thing.  He was knighted at the same time as Ewan McGregor, his co-star in I Love You Phillip Morris, a film about a con man who falls in love with his prison cellmate.  The pair celebrated their award with a kiss.

Chevalier Jim Carrey, The Most Honorable Knight in France.

This is not to say that Jim Carrey is now batting for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  He and Jenny McCarthy, who have been dating for almost five years but show no signs of getting married, will be hosting the fourth annual Saturday Night Spectacular, a very upscale pre-Super Bowl party, on February 6.  Maybe since Reggie Bush said he would marry Kim Kardashian if the Saints win the Super Bowl, Carrey and McCarthy will be inspired to exchange wedding rings.  Or not.  That’s not what anyone is talking about, anyway.

The fact is that Jim Carrey was knighted by someone who has the power to do that sort of thing.  It’s a big leap from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective to “Sir Carrey of Canada”.  French Culture Minister Frederic Mitterand, on presenting Carrey and McGregor with their honors, was heard to say, “I love you, Jim Carrey!  I love you, Ewan McGregor!”  Evidently, the French, in general, feel the same way.  Need I remind you again of Jerry Lewis?

In a way, it is very forward-thinking and bold that France would honor the pair as they wrap filming a movie in which two men fall in love.  Based on a true story, Carrey plays Steven Jay Russell, who meets his soulmate, Phillip Morris, while in prison.  In the film, which casts Carrey as a traditional romantic lead with a few twists, Russell comes up with elaborate plans for escape so he and his love can be together, and free.  Despite the movie being about men falling in love with each other, Carrey has said that he doesn’t “think it’s a gay movie”. 

Um, yeah it is.  There doesn’t have to be leather involved for it to be a “gay movie”.

It is a love story, it is “about the lengths we go to for acceptance or love” (according to Carrey himself), but it’s about two dudes who go to those great lengths.  Own it, Jim.  It’s okay.  We don’t like you any less for it, for heaven’s sake.

PLUS, the French just knighted you.  You and Ewan join George Clooney, Jude Law, Clint Eastwood, Roger Moore, and Vanessa Paradis (no Johnny Depp??)  Enjoy it, and stop dwelling on whether or not Jenny thinks less of you.  She stuck with you through The Yes Man.  She can certainly handle you kissing a guy.

Chevalier Jim Carrey.  Do I hear the thundering sound of the Four Horsemen?

There’s not much that hasn’t already been said about Lady Gaga’s fashion choices at last night’s 52nd Annual Grammy Awards.  It isn’t that we didn’t expect it, really.  She has chosen to look odd ever since getting attention for her album “The Fame”, changing hair colors and wearing bubbles and feathers and Things That Do Not Look Like Clothes.  But her music has certainly become popular.

I think it's the mace-like hand accessory that makes the outfit.

Admittedly, my own knowledge of the music of Lady Gaga is limited to Christopher Walken’s ingenious reading of “Poker Face” on BBC 1’s Friday Night with Jonathan Ross last October.  Somehow, I was able to listen to that, while I have not yet been able to make it through even one full song of hers yet.  I’m working on it.

Last night’s performance with Elton John was, apparently, a mash-up of her own song “Speechless” and John’s classic “Your Song”.  It was very nice.  And a style match made in heaven.  If Elton John was a woman, he would probably dress like Lady Gaga.  Or he would have, like 20 years ago.  Maybe 30. 

Lady Gaga showed up at the Grammy Awards last night wearing yet another inexplicable dress, inexplicably designed just for her by Giorgio Armani.  It was sort of pink and glittery and very rigidly molded.  It had sort of Saturn-like rings all around it, also pink, and also glittery.  There was not a real hemline.  It was more like the bottom of a sculpture.  From the front, it revealed, well, pretty much everything.  Underneath the ‘dress’ was a bottom-of-the-platform-shoes to top-of-the-head (including hair!) bodysuit that looked as though it was encrusted with diamonds.  Fortunately, the bodysuit included bejeweled panties that covered up all of the Lady’s naughty bits.  Close-ups of Lady Gaga’s face reveal that she was not wearing a wig.  It was hair attached to a head-covering bodysuit.  It was almost medieval armor-ish.  Only with long, yellow, feathered hair attached. 

For her performance with Elton John, she changed into another glittery get-up, this time an aqua bodysuit with high-cut legs.  She was also sporting hot pink sequined triangles around her eyes.  From a distance, it looked like makeup.  But after she performed part of “Poker Face” and was ceremonially dumped into a machine marked “rejected”, she emerged covered in soot and her pink triangles were gone.  Seems like performing with Elton John would be the ideal time to don the famous pink triangle, but what do I know?  Anyway, the duet was lovely, with both of them playing piano and singing beautifully.  It was almost possible to look past the shoulders of Gaga’s bodysuit, which extended both vertically and horizontally, giving her an appearance of sequined, aquamarine wings folded at her sides.  And not in a good way.

It was when she took her seat that her red carpet gown and performance attire were both completely eclipsed, as was the view of everyone sitting behind her for at least 3 or 4 rows.  She wore what seemed to be the same bodysuit that was underneath her Armani creation, but wore a silver jacket with fiery, lightning bolt-like thingies sticking up from the shoulders and out from her elbows.  There was a hat to match.  That hat was probably what might be called ‘architectural’.  It sort of mirrored the lightning bolt motif, but was a bit more ‘Crown of the Ice Queen”.  And it was very, very tall.  Photos show a musician seated behind her looking up at it, probably wondering how he was going to see any of the show at all.  Gaga herself was watching the show through pink triangles again, but this time they were a bit more subdued.  They failed to glimmer quite the way her performance hot pink eye triangles did.

What can be said about Lady Gaga that hasn’t already been said?  Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to look past all of it and listen to her music.  People have likened Lady Gaga’s performance style to that of Freddie Mercury, but I disagree.  Lady Gaga is way gayer.

In 1993, Cindy Margolis was named by the Guinness Book of World Records as the Most Downloaded Woman on the Internet.  This was not because of her insightful commentary on world events or because of her rapier-like wit.  It’s because she looked good naked.  Or nearly naked.  And now, at age 44, after one divorce, three children, and a spread in Playboy, she finds herself single for the first time in her life, and still looking good without clothes on.   So she did what any normal former-Playmate-now-nearly-unrecognizable-because-of-cosmetic-surgery would do: create a reality show.  The contestants were chosen from the biggest fans of her website.  That was sure to bring in the winners.

This Classy Chick Is Looking For A New Life Mate. Or Something.

And boy, did it.  Ranging in age from 18 to 71, men from all over the world (okay, all Americans except for one Brit and one Mexican) responded to her web request and 24 lucky guys showed up, ready to compete.  Rather than just having the boys move into the house, Margolis planned her “dream wedding” and set it up so each man would walk down the aisle to her as she waited on the altar.  Such a Cinderella story.  A woman made famous on the internet for showing her goodies stood outside on a beautiful day, wearing a beautiful dress, surrounded by guests, waiting for the 24 men of her dreams to show up. Forgoing the tradition of receiving engagement rings from any of them as they arrived, she greeted them warmly, no matter what they looked like.

And they are quite a bunch.  19-year-old Jonathan Brown was proud to announce that he experienced his first, ahem, reaction to a picture of Cindywhen he was just 9.  He says that his dream would be to take her to Comic-Con.  71-year-old John, a British gentleman, likened his introduction to Margolis to “meeting the Queen of England”, and then went on the say, in his charming English accent, that the most attractive part of Cindy is…something they can’t show on Fox Reality Network.  Also included in her slew of suitors is a professional wrestler who rips his shirt off when he meets her at the altar, after which she says, “At my dream wedding, all the men rip their shirts off”.  Classy.  There is Chris, a musician with more piercings than brain cells and an inexplicable long, jet-black beard; a Tupac Shakur impersonator; an idiot longshoreman known as Timmy Z; a salmon fisherman from Alaska; a Playgirl model; and some random 18-year-old kid, among others. 

As night falls, Cindy stands in front of her wedding cake and refers to this time being her ‘wedding reception’.  The creepiness factor only increases as she slices a piece from the cake and announces that the man to whom she gives the cake will be invited to spend some private time with her in the “Love Shack”.  Last night’s winner was a 23-year-old college wrestler who had presented Cindy with a t-shirt from his alma mater for her oldest son.  That touched her heart, apparently, so she invited him for some quality time away from the 23 other guys.  Actually, it was only 22 other guys, since 71-year-old John had already bailed, saying that he was too old to deal with the “teenage garbage” that was going on at the house already.

Anyway, Margolis, who had previously said, “You can’t kiss anyone on TV” ended up with her tongue down the throat of her young escort, and all within telescope range of the tequila-shooting contestants in the house above.  Clips from later episodes reveal that she doesn’t limit herself to making out with just that one admirer. 

Her first challenge for the men on the show was to submit a sperm sample, so she could learn who is most potent.  And the 18 remaining contestants all stepped up to the plate, so to speak.  It is not surprising to learn that she got reality TV dating advice from Bret Michaels of Rock of Love, Rock of Love II, and Rock of Love: Tour Bus.  Cindy does say that she falls in love, but adds that she did so with more than one man.  At the end of the series, it will be interesting to see if any of the contestants really want to marry this woman forever, or if they just want to test-drive a famous naked chick.

Good luck with that, Cindy.

It’s bad enough that this year’s NFL All-Star Game is going to be played in Miami, rather than the traditional location in Hawaii.  Those boys deserve a nice trip to Hawaii after a long season of busting heads.  But this year, the Pro Bowl will be played the week before the Super Bowl.

I’m sorry.  What?

Yes, one week before the Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints battle it out for the title and the biggest, gaudiest, most tasteless of high-quality commemorative diamond rings, the Best of the Best are supposed to play against each other.

See Peyton Manning Do THIS During the Pro Bowl This Year.

The Best of the Best.  Talking heads in the NFL have said that they are holding the Pro Bowl before the Championship game because playing it after seems “anti-climactic”.  If by ‘anti-climactic’, they mean that they believe in their hearts that viewers don’t want to see the best players on the field, then they are right.  But coaches Sean Payton of the Saints and Jim Caldwell of the Colts would have to have rocks in their heads to let any of their players risk injury one week before the Super Bowl.

There’s a reason that Major League Baseball holds their All-Star Game mid-season.  It doesn’t interfere with the World Series, which takes place three months later, and, even then, certain players sit out if they are thisclose to injury.  And the NFL knows this.  Playing the Pro Bowl after the Super Bowl allows even players from the Championship team to be involved, if they want to.  And who doesn’t?

What’s the difference, really?

Well, the NFC starting quarterback, according to rosters released in the end of December, is four-time All-Star Drew Brees of the…(wait for it)…New Orleans Saints.  Yeah, he ain’t playing.  But at least he’s done it before.  Starting Guard Jahri Evans, a first-time All-Star, also from the Saints, won’t play because an injury in a game that counts for nothing would be totally stupid when he is to start in the biggest game of the season one week later.  His first time to be an All-Star, and he won’t play.  How PO’d do you think he is about this decision?  Linebacker Jonathan Vilma would have appeared for the second time, but, alas, he will not.  He will watch and fume from the sidelines.

That’s it, NFL.  Tick off a nice, big linebacker.

One team had six players selected for the Pro Bowl.  You guessed it: the Indianapolis Colts.  We won’t see Dwight Freeney, Robert Mathis, Jeff Saturday, or Reggie Wayne.  Who else won’t we watch that day?  Dallas Clark and Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning is not playing in the Pro Bowl.  Welcome to the world of Big, Stupid Decision by Failed Athletes in Front Offices.  Manning, Freeney, and Mathis were all to be starters.  Not that the AFC is short on talent, but the best players are supposed to play in an All-Star Game.  That’s where the name comes from.

So this year’s Pro Bowl will be a lovely forum in which to watch a great group of also-rans competing while members of the Saints and Colts breathe fire on the bench.  The very talent that helped their teams reach the Super Bowl is keeping them from playing in the Pro Bowl.

It is said that players from the Saints and Colts will be there for the first half of the game, but, again, they’d have to be crazy to risk getting injured with the biggest game of the year, often the most-watched sports event in the US, just one short week away.  And then there’s the addition burn of having it in Miami, the same city in which the Super Bowl is held.  “Kicking off an exciting Super Bowl week” the folks in the NFL offices say.

There are stupid decisions, and then there are STUPID decisions.  This one ranks in the second category.  If you underline it.  And then make it bold.  Then make the font larger.

I’ll watch the Super Bowl, but I’m boycotting the Pro Bowl on principle.  I mean, really.