Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Or will she?

Sarah Palin’s new highly anticipated foray into Alaskan outdoorsiness is beginning, and anyone with basic cable and no access to NetFlix will be watching.  The show, called Sarah Palin’s Alaska, is produced by Survivor creator Mark Burnett.  It is listed as a “non-political” travelogue of an Alaskan family, but Burnett’s choice of family was as strategic as the shows for which he is known.  What his agenda might be remains to be seen, but it will be interesting to find out.  In the meantime, Palin has said of her chilly home state, as she fishes and handily loads rounds into a shotgun, that, “I’d rather be doing this [here] than in some stuffy political office.”  The words of the rogue rhetorician brought to mind images of her in the Governor’s mansion pushing bullets into a clip.  But she’d rather be doing that in the Great Outdoors, bless her heart.

1...2...3....PUSH!

In one episode, called “Mama Grizzly”, she spends a great deal of time climbing a rock wall while husband Todd encourages her from below, shouting, “Let’s go, Juicy!”  She also bakes cookies with her 9 year-old and climbs various peaks in Denali National Park.  While we are supposed to believe that the ‘true star’ of the show is the Alaskan wilderness, well, that’s what the travel channel is for.  Anyone tuning in wants to see a former Vice Presidential Candidate–and the most easily mocked politician since Dan Quayle–doing the things that she does.

All while she coyly avoids rumors of running for President in 2012.  It could happen.  Ask the Mayans.

She has also been hit with rumors that her marriage to Todd was over, but the two appear to be going strong, bonded by their strong, American-type family values.  Unlike most reality television couples, their wedding rings remain on and they appear to be going strong.  Of course, the first episode of the first season airs just tonight.  Time will tell.

But Todd has been a good husband and showed his wife some solid support when some suspect neighbors moved in next door.  Author Joe McGinniss rented the house last summer, and Todd immediately built a 14-foot fence, supporting the idea that high fences make hostile neighbors.  Sarah commented that, “I thought that was a good example [of] what we need to do to secure our nation’s border.”

Yeah, that’s pretty much what we thought she’d say.  If the fence was electric, topped with barbed wire, and had guard towers every 100 yards or so manned with soldiers carrying sniper rifles.  She might have needed a special permit for that in Wasilla, however, so she settled for a something simpler.

The show may not be political, but while Sarah Palin hikes and fishes and bakes and raises her kids against the gorgeous Alaskan backdrop, she still has time to think about keeping those pesky ‘outsiders’ from getting into the US.  While that debate rages on, she says, “I’d rather be out here, bein’ free.”

Nice work, if you can get it.

Maybe if you were looking for drugs…

It seems that Lindsay Lohan, having spent much of this year in either courtrooms, jail, or rehab, is thinking of opening her own rehab facilities.  This is according to her mother, Dina Lohan, who was delighted to be interviewed in the light of day on the Today Show. The “Momager”—a strange, mutant Hollywood mother/manager hybrid—is more accustomed to bleary-eyed after-club camera-dodging at 3am.  Apparently all the time without chemicals has given Lindsay a bit of clarity.  Owning a recovery center would save her a lot of money, which she could then spend on beautiful fashions to cover the alcohol-monitoring anklets that have become a regular accessory for her.  She has already become a master at creating outfits that conceal the SCRAM bracelet, wearing everything from high boots to wide-leg pantsuits, and even working out in public wearing long black pants that not only hide the SCRAM but make her appear healthy as well.

"Wait, what? Why not? After my fashion line was so successful..."

While in rehab this summer, Lindsay mentioned that she needed to come to terms with the damage that had been done to her and her family by delinquent daddy Michael Lohan.  Therapy must have done wonders, as the two met at Lindsay’s request at the Betty Ford Center in LA and had what was noted as a “tearful reunion”.  After a long conversation, the two ex-cons hit up a nearby street fair and some local shops.  They spent an exceptionally long time in one of LA’s high-end jewelry stores, where the starlet found herself interested in several items.  Perhaps a nice diamond necklace for herself to commemorate her reunion with her father?  Maybe she just wants something new and sparkly to look at for her remaining 8 weeks at Betty Ford.

Naturally, the Momager has still been hard at work thinking of ways to exploit her daughter’s fame.  She is has been shopping around for a network to pick up a reality show about Lindsay’s experiences in rehab, although her daughter is not at all interested in this.  She plans to use photos and video that she takes of her daughter during casual “family visits” to create a show on which she will, naturally, act as executive producer.  While Michael Lohan has voiced his disgust at the idea, it is difficult to believe that he turned into Wonder-Dad overnight.  One day of shopping does not a good father make, particularly when Lindsay was footing the bill.

In Dina Lohan’s interview with Matt Lauer, she spoke about the possibility of Lindsay owning recovery clinics.  “She wants to start her own facilities, help other children,” Dina said. “She’s so public, we can only be positive and look to the future to help other families.”  It’s truly a lovely thought, and it would get plenty of attention.  But how much credibility can a place have when it’s started by someone who’s been in and out of rehab more times than most people have been into bars?  While we can all only hope that it works this time for the 24 year-old, it’s tough when her support network is relying on her failure for their next paychecks.

The Lindsay Lohan Recovery Center/Bar and Grill.  A Hollywood original.

Charlie Sheen has been caught with his pants down again, literally.  After complaints from a still-unidentified woman at New York’s famous Plaza Hotel, the police were let into the room by security and found Charlie passed out on the bed—exhausted from throwing furniture about and screaming for no reason—and a terrified woman who was (ahem) paid to be there cowering in the closet.  The actor may have been distraught from running into ex-wife Denise Richards and their two daughters earlier in the evening, returning to his old friend Jack Daniels for comfort.  Perhaps he had forgotten that his children were sleeping just down the hall when he began his tirade.  Clearly he had forgotten that it is considered bad etiquette to bring an escort to a family dinner, and he exercised that keen Charlie Sheen judgment by bringing the escort back to his room afterwards.  It seems that Richards and her daughters were unaware of rest of the story until it was leaked to the press the next day.

Time to kiss your career goodbye, Charlie Sheen?

As usual, Charlie is making his publicist work for his money.  What began as a story about a drunken tirade has now turned into a sad story about Sheen being brought to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation for an “allergic reaction” to medication.  As anyone from Axl Rose to your average frat boy can tell you, a similar ‘allergy’ can occur when one’s menu consists of alcohol, alcohol, and more alcohol.  But when you have a team of publicists and agents working for you to make sure that your job on a network TV show will still be there when you are released from the hospital, all things are possible.   So what might just be chalked up to Charlie Sheen finding another call girl and getting drunk turns into a psychiatric evaluation.  Clearly, the man’s got issues.  Bringing a paid date to dinner with his daughters, ages 6 and 5, is not the act of a clear-headed individual.

Fortunately, there is Denise Richards.  She has taken the high road when it comes to her divorce, but is not going to let this one slide.  She plans to stay on the high road, telling Joy Behar that, even though she knows what happened in the hotel room that night, she prefers to let Charlie tell the story himself.  When he gets out of the hospital.  Or rehab.  Or wherever he’s going next.  What she didn’t say is how she plans to handle his visitation rights with little Sam and Lola.  Those are his daughters, in case he forgot.  They were all in New York for a family vacation.  Denise probably didn’t plan on any call girls and Charlie disappearing from the dinner table with one of them for half an hour.  She probably hadn’t put “visit Charlie in Psych Ward” into her Blackberry.  But such is a vacation with Charlie Sheen.  And his allergies.

Achoo.

It seems that almost everyone wants to dress up as either Lady Gaga or one of the little disasters from Jersey Shore.  T-shirts with silk-screened abs are very popular, and Snooki wigs are hopping off of the shelves like lice out of the Smush Room.  But with Lady Gaga, there are so many choices as to which fashion disaster one can mimic.  Drag queens all over the world are finding themselves in quite a quandary.  Is it practical and financially possibly to acquire and dismember enough Kermit the Frog dolls to recreate Gaga’s infamous frog frock?  Is it safe to walk around in fishnets, a bra, and a Yankees Jersey?  Definitely not in Boston or Texas, but that’s another issue.  Is there any way to imitate the crown of diamonds from her insanely popular video for “Bad Romance”?   There are so many questions when it comes to dressing like Lady Gaga.  Even when it isn’t Halloween.

Toxoplasmosis: a small price to pay for a great Haloween costume.

A Connecticut newspaper thought itself responsible for making the public aware of certain dangers associated with dressing like the Grammy-winning singer.  The Hartford Courant felt it necessary to warn readers of the possible ramifications of wearing a dress made of raw meat, as the singer famously did at this year’s Video Music Awards.  Apparently, donning uncooked beef puts a person at a risk of getting campylobacteriosis, which can lead to dystentery, muscle aches, fever, and various other symptoms.  Another possibility, according to the article, is that your prime rib hat or meat purse can lead to toxoplasmosis, a bacterial infection that can cause brain damage or even death.  Yes, meat can not only be murder, but suicide as well.

When it comes to the Meat Dress idea, I just can’t figure out whether to use a pattern or a recipe.

Other popular costumes this year come from films, with lots of Edwards and Bellas running around hand-in-hand; characters from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, including Alice, the Queen of Hearts, and the Mad Hatter in particular; various of the creatures from Avatar; and Harry Potters and Jack Sparrows by the score.

Even more disturbing than the Meat Dress is Antoine Dodson’s attempt to cash in on his 15 minutes by creating an Antoine Dodson: Bed Intruder costume.  In his homemade advertisement, he warns people that when trick-or-treaters arrive, to “hide yo kids, hide yo wife”.  Charming, and obviously a huge moneymaker.

For anyone with less than $1000 and a willing butcher with extra flank steak, simple Barack Obama masks are wildly popular, although wearing them in Tea Party states might be more dangerous than a Meat Dress on a hot night in a yard full of angry pit bulls.

Maybe it’s wise to stay in this year with a nice ice luge and good friends.

It’s official.  Mel Gibson has been confirmed as having a cameo in the upcoming sequel Hangover 2.  Now everyone’s favorite anti-Semitic, misogynistic alcoholic can have his dreamy blue eyes appear on the big screen again.  How did this happen?  The original movie was about fun-loving guys getting into trouble in Las Vegas, but it was relatively harmless trouble, and of the kind that women’s groups didn’t have to rally against.  Not exactly the sort of thing Mel has been known for lately.  Considering his most recent fame resulted from expletive-laced rants to the mother of his child, he seems an unlikely choice for a role in anything that doesn’t involve an orange jumpsuit and a PSA.

Mel Gibson: Living His Dream

After being dropped by the William Morris Agency in the wake of his legal issues involving ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, and even as the Los Angeles District Attorney debates whether or not he will be charged, he still managed to score a part in a film that was set to become one of the most popular sophomoric franchises in movie history.  People loved The Hangover.  There were questions about casting Mike Tyson in the original, but it appeared to do some good for his public image.  Gibson is undoubtedly hoping that this will do the same for him.  He will not play himself, as Tyson did, but will play an over-the-top tattoo artist in Thailand as the boys go there on a predictably wild vacation.  It seems that the wounds might be a little too fresh in Gibson’s case, especially with charges still pending, but someone at Warner Bros. seems to think that this is a great idea.  Gibson’s people have already begun their smear campaign against his ex, claiming that her request for more child support must only be for “diamond diapers”.  Perhaps the script is weak and they hope that a controversial cameo by a violent drunk will drive people to the theaters.  For many of us, they could clone Bradley Cooper hundreds of times and have him appear shirtless in every scene, and it still wouldn’t make it worth the 9 bucks for a ticket.

The most inexplicable aspect of this whole deal is the person who has chosen to speak out in defense of Mel Gibson.  And no, this time it isn’t his ex-wife, who is clearly still under some kind of binding clause from the divorce that made her trade her soul for millions and millions of dollars.  It is Jodie Foster.  And of all the places she chose to speak out in favor of the man who referred to a female police officer as “sugart**s”, it was at ELLE magazine’s 17^th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute.  Why, Jodie, why?  She called him “an undeniably gifted actor” and “a true and loyal friend”.  The only possible reason is that he recently starred in a yet-to-be-released movie with her and maybe she wants to get it some good press.  She has a lot to lose, as she is also the film’s director.  But the name of the movie is (wish I was kidding) The Beaver.

We can only hope for Jodie Foster’s sake that Gibson didn’t use that particular word in any of the voicemails he left for his ex.

Michael Vick was as surprised as anyone to find out that he would, once again, be filling in for injured Philadelphia Eagles QB Kevin Kolb on Sunday.  Now, while Kolb resists the temptation to beat his head against the wall (he’s got a concussion, for those not in the know), Vick is proving what many of us already knew: he kicks a**.  After taking over for Kolb in the second half of the season opener, he ran for 103 yards—leading the team in rushing—and threw for 175, including a touchdown.  Despite his performance, Eagles head coach Andy Reid stands by Kolb as starting quarterback.  And why?  Because 3 years ago, Vick was charged with participating in an interstate dog fighting ring.  After pleading guilty to federal charged, he served 21 months in prison and an additional two in home confinement.   He has since spoken out against animal abuse and done everything that he can do to improve himself.

Should I repeat the part where he served his time?  Isn’t the goal of punishment to teach offenders a lesson?  As for his argument that dog fighting was a part of his upbringing and it is cultural, animal rights groups and haters alike all claimed that he was making excuses.  Spend a few months working at any SPCA in the South and anyone can see that it is, in fact, something that many underprivileged folks get into.  But that’s not the point.  He served his time.  He lost endorsement deals and his NFL contract, and was completely ostracized.  Perhaps if he were only caught sleeping with a baker’s dozen of women he wasn’t married to, he would have been given only a slap on the wrist and suffered embarrassment.

But he came back.  Against all odds and the wishes of screaming masses, he came back to the NFL with his head held high.  And last Sunday, he threw for 291 yards (including 3 touchdowns), completed 17 of 31 passes with no interceptions, and rushed for an additional touchdown.  Next week, the Eagles take on the Washington Redskins.  The story there could easily be about the division rivalry or former Eagles QB Donovan McNabb starting for Washington now.  But thanks to the big mouth of a fella named Albert Haynesworth, we should have something else to talk about.

Haynesworth takes a stand against slave treatment, and, evidently, diet cola.

The two-time All-Pro defensive tackle seems to have his nose out of joint a bit because he was recently told that the ‘Skins would be switching to a 3-4 defense and he would be moved to nose tackle.  During a tirade on radio 106.7 The Fan, the normally media-unfriendly giant spoke about his ‘need’ to take a stand.  He decided to forgo the normal off-season conditioning practices and skipped a mandatory minicamp.  Because of all of this, he was unable to pass necessary conditioning tests that would enable him to play.  This is after a $21 million bonus check cleared on April 1.  His argument?  That he is nobody’s slave.

The argument is supposed to carry weight with us because Haynesworth is black.  His knowledge of the general treatment of actual slaves seems to be a bit on the fuzzy side, because no slave I’ve ever heard of has a $100 million contract and diamonds the size of dinner plates on his earlobes.  “Just because somebody pay [sic] you money don’t [sic] mean they’ll make you do whatever they want or whatever,” he explained.  “I mean, does that mean everything is for sale?”  He went on to lament that, “I’m not for sale.  Yeah, I signed the contract and got paid a lot of money, but…that don’t [sic] mean I’m for sale or a slave or whatever.”  Well, I hate to tell you this, big guy, but yes, it does.  If a normal person who is not, say, 6’6” and 350lbs, signs a contract with Microsoft to do a specific task, that person is expected to deliver, or she is in violation of that contract.  If a copywriter signs a non-compete contract, agreeing not to write about companies in the same industry, then he not only negates the contract but risks financial repercussions as well.  It’s called a job.  And those people are probably not raking in dollar amounts well above the GNP of most countries.

But let’s all busy ourselves with talking about Michael Vick—who is doing his job, and doing it well.  That makes much more sense.

God help us all.

Yet another news day has come upon us and, as we optimistically look for something worth reading, we instead find that Americans are still expecting miracles, Iran is still run by a lunatic, and there is still no peace in the Middle East.  Those stories—newsworthy or not—are buried underneath layers of Ashton stepping out on Demi, Lindsay Lohan soing drugs, and Bristol Palin doing things that don’t make sense.  But it’s mostly Bristol.  Now that she seems to have put the whole ‘Levi Johnston engagement ring’ business behind her, she is branching out.  Now, following in the sensible shoe-prints of her mother, she has started her own Facebook page.  She told the Associated Press that she is doing this to step out of her comfort zone and begin talking about her “pro-life and pro-family” views.

Mostly, however, she has used her new page as a way to talk about her performances on Dancing with the Stars.  She must have made Mama Palin so proud when she first appeared on the show.  She wore a conservative suit and her hair in a bun, looking as much like her mom as possible.  Then, to the booming beats of the family classic “Mama Told Me Not to Come”, she threw off her Velcro-ed-on conservative garb to reveal a fire engine red, fringed minidress that clearly showed her commitment to conservative values.  She shimmied and shook those solid family values all over the stage.  After agreeing to appear on the show, the 19 year-old vowed to be covered up in a respectable way in direct contrast to the usual dance apparel worn by contestants.  Of course, respectable means different things to different people.  She was definitely wearing more than she was when she got knocked up at 17, so that’s a step in the right direction.  The only logical way to convey her views on abstinence was to end her performance with dance partner Mark Ballas’s hand on her behind.  Whatever.  It got great media coverage, and we know how the Palin clan likes that.

Since Sarah Palin likes to meet all the guys who grab her daughter’s tush, young Bristol brought Mark Ballas to Alaska to meet the family.  How proud they must all have been to meet the next young man to help sully the Palin name.  He could be well on the way to fathering the next grandchild, after all.  The 24 year-old has been studying dance and music for most of his life, and Sarah must have been ecstatic to learn that he was in a musical group called 2B1G (2 boys, 1 girl).  He has all of the qualities that a Republican White House hopeful looks for in a son-in-law.  Palin tweeted her enthusiasm for her daughter’s first performance on DWTS, and plans to be in the audience in the future.  All the better to keep an eye on her daughter from there.

So you can check out Bristol Palin’s Facebook page to see all the photos of her with Mark caressing her butt, and to read her self-written pro-life, family values rhetoric.

Any guesses as to which will make more become fans of her page?

For starters, Katy Perry was an odd choice as a celebrity guest on the wholesome children’s program Sesame Street.  She is known for her revealing, strange style of dress and has graced more worst-dressed lists than Paris Hilton.  Anything attention-getting is right up her alley, including her often-blue hair.  Although she filmed an episode of Sesame Street looking more wholesome than she ever has, enough parents complained to PBS that her dress was too revealing and her appearance on the show was pulled.  Perhaps her history of odd behavior played into the decision.  She is, after all, the woman who ecstatically accepted an engagement ring from the oddly-shorn, unclean-looking Russell Brand.  The couple took to Twitter to express their reactions.  Perry tweeted that it, “looks like my play date with Elmo has been cut short” and urged fans to view the skit on her website.  Brand reacted by tweeting, “Today’s Sesame Street will NOT be brought to you by the number 34 or the letter D”.  Classy.

Katy Perry: In case you haven't seen them yet.

The have been other sex-kitten types on the show, with appearances by Cher, Beyonce, Kim Cattrall, and even Jessica Alba to describe the word “scrumptious”.  Parents didn’t ask PBS to pull those appearances.  There have also been skits from actors and musicians who are no strangers to controversy.  Sopranos actor James Gandolfini, rapper Ice-T, and marijuana aficionado Cheech Marin have been on the show, although Chris Brown’s appearance was cancelled after his girlfriend-beating incident.  Sesame Street has not shied away from featuring openly gay actors, with skits including Neil Patrick Harris subtly acting as the “Fairy Shoe Person” and Nathan Lane performing in all his glory.  The show has had as many stars as Saturday Night Live, including athletes, musicians, actors, politicians, models, and activists.  No public outcry has matched this one.  It is because Sesame Street is getting racy, because parents are getting more conservative, or because YouTube made footage viewable in time for people to object?  Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

But it seems that Katy Perry’s reputation preceded her, and parents weren’t having it.  Executive Producer Carol-Lynne Parente defended their decision to have Perry on the show and felt that the skit was far from too racy for young viewers, but revealed that the show relented when so many adults objected to the YouTube-leaked portion.  She cited the importance of Sesame Street’s relationship to its viewers and the opinions of parents.  Although the controversy may seem silly, any show that relies on public donations needs to tread lightly.  There might have been uproars over previous celebrities appearing on the show, but since many of them were prior to the “YouTube” age, any criticism would have come only after the shows aired.  Who knows if Cheech’s episode was aired more than once?

So Katy Perry’s D-cups will never air on Sesame Street. It’s okay.  You can view them clearly in every other picture of her ever taken.

It’s all about social media these days.  What began as a way to connect to people has turned into big business.  Now companies have pages on Facebook, MySpace, and a few other sites like Friendster that may or may not exist anymore.  Bands create pages to make their music even more accessible to the masses.  A person can get discounts on items if they become fans of particular Facebook pages.  We text instead of talking, we find mates on websites, and we buy things without leaving the house.  Because of “social media”, everything is popularized and made available online.  We can get updates from our favorite authors, musicians, and celebrities daily.  Do I expect to get a personal message from Chuck Liddell by becoming his Facebook friend?  Well, no.  But a person can buy everything from books to computers to diamonds and engagement rings—often at dramatically reduced prices—by becoming “friends” with companies.  Where MySpace has been eclipsed by Facebook, so is Facebook quickly playing second fiddle to Twitter.  But suddenly we find ourselves being virtually assaulted and given viruses via the internet.

Big Brother in 140 characters or less.

And it makes headlines, especially when a gaping hole in security is found by a 17 year-old Australian kid who just wanted to see if he could do it.  The precocious Pearce Delphin decided to send out a bit of JavaScript code that would cause a pop-up ad to appear when someone moused over it.  “I did it merely to see if it could be done,” he told AFP via email (of course), “that JavaScript really could be executed within a tweet”.  Well, not only did it work, but hackers found it brilliant and used it to send millions of people to various websites, including Japanese porn sites.  It also was used to create something called “worm tweets” that replicated every time they were read.  Twitter was suddenly overwhelmed with random redirection and endless tweets from other accounts.  The glitch wasn’t only used for pranks and porn.  More malicious hackers were able to create code that allowed them access to Twitter users’ personal information.

And suddenly we all feel a little more vulnerable, afraid that everything from our real birth years to credit card and banking information is being accessed by cyber-creeps.  And those of us who still rock it old-school and prefer talking on the phone to texting are still left exposed to attack because we wanted to be among the first to know when Soundgarden released their tour dates.

The one thing that kept us mildly protected was Twitter’s allowed tweet length.  According to the mischievous teenager, “The problem was being able to write the code that can steal usernames and passwords while still remaining under Twitter’s 140-character tweet limit”.  Given enough time, hackers could certainly figure it out.  Twitter, however, jumped on the problem and had the bug fixed within five hours, but not before even White House press secretary Robert Gibbs found his account bombarded with unwanted code.  While Delphin didn’t do anything that is technically (pun intended) illegal, he did prove that no system is foolproof.

It certainly isn’t causing very many people to panic and close their accounts to Twitter, Facebook, or any other of our favorite social media, but it does kinda make you think, no?

I’m going to call my mom.  On the phone.  Using a landline.  But while we’re talking, I’ll be checking to see what my friends overseas are up to without leaving the comfort of my own home.  I, like everyone else, can’t go back to what life was like before AOL got me hooked.

The Pope is going out on the road again, and has scheduled to preside over masses in various parts of the UK, including Birmingham, London, and Glasgow.  Entrance to the mass is free, of course, but a £5- 25 “donation” is recommended, and admittance will not be given without the suggested monetary contribution.  Despite the relatively small offering to cover costs of travel and accommodations, it seems that the Pope is simply not selling out the way he used to.  Spokespeople for the Vatican have said that “administrative problems” have been the cause of lowered expected attendance, but others have suggested that it is the scandals that have plagued the Church that are creating the less-than-stellar response.  Perhaps if His Holiness added a little extra bling to his already-giant gold cross, adding a chain of diamonds or an iced-out watch to complement the traditional Papal ring, he could draw a more enthusiastic, younger crowd.

Bringing His Holiness into Popular Culture.

Short of that, when Pope Benedict XVI announced his plans to tour, a musical group called Ooberfuse recorded a track in his honor.  The British band wrote the song “Heart’s Cry” in his honor, sampling from a few of his speeches and stating, “No rest ‘till all creation knows Thy sway”.  While their motivation seems to come from a place of faith, they have also created a music video to promote the single, which is available now on iTunes for a mere £1.99.  The peace-promoting video includes footage of His Holiness saying that, “Hatred will never reign in the hearts of men again”.   Who knows where hatred reigns in the hearts of women, once might ask.  Nonetheless, Bishops of the Organising Committee have designated the song as the official “youth anthem of the Papal visit”.  Hal, one of the three members of Ooberfuse, has told the press that, “I think this is the first time in history a reigning Pontiff has embraced the forms of popular culture to advance the Christian message of love and hope”.

This is almost true, although in February of this year the Vatican newspaper released a list of the Holy See’s Top 10 Rock and Pop Albums of all time.  Making the cut at that time were The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Oasis, U2, and Michael Jackson, among others.  It seems, in light of certain heavily-spotlighted events, that the Pontifex Maximus would have wanted to distance himself and his church as far away from Michael Jackson as possible, but, evidently, the papacy has a soft spot for rocking out to songs from the “Thriller” LP.

This trip to the UK will feature an all-new, high-tech Popemobile for His Holiness to ride around in during his visit.  The modified Mercedes-Benz M-Class “green petrol” SUV has been built with a special, bulletproof enclosure into which the Pontiff can be raised while touring.  Should the Father Confessor decide he wants to see what this latest Popemobile can do, he will find that it is designed to reach up to 160mph.  That baby is as suited for the Autobahn as it is to cruise at an expected 10mph as the Pope travels to his appearances.  One can hope that the tepid response to his visit is due to the aforementioned administrative problems, or, perhaps, the down economy.  Maybe the hip hop single and pimped-out ride can help to offset what is looking to be a disappointing trip.

If not, the “youth anthem” is still climbing the charts, and, clearly, someone up there is watching out for the kids of Ooberfuse, who are making some serious bank while they spread their message.