Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Or not. Having been notified by my mother that Bristol Palin would appear on Dancing with the Stars in the show’s new season, I can’t say I was surprised.  The Palin family is hard-pressed to find any other new and exciting ways to embarrass themselves.  Indian Engagement Ring Giver Levi Johnston is all set to star in his own reality show that will follow his dignified campaign to follow in the practical footsteps of his twice-ex-fiancee’s mother as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.  Why should he be the only one to ride the reality TV cash cow to fame, fortune, and a lifetime of shame and ridicule?  I guess those speaking engagements about the benefits of pre-marital abstinence aren’t going so well for the 20 year-old single mother of a Republican politician, and a girl’s gotta pay the bills, right?

Class Like This Can Only Be Found on DWTS

Bristol has vowed that she will maintain her dignity on the show (if that’s even possible) by forgoing the standard tight, sequin-y costumes that are a standard on the show.  Watching her dance in floor-length wool skirts, flannel shirts and hiking boots has the potential to draw a whole new audience to the show: the Amish and Hasids.  Mazal tov.  Backing Bristol up on this vow is fellow contestant David Hasselhoff, who appears to have developed some modesty—and perhaps some extra drunken hamburger-induced tonnage—since his Baywatch days.  The actor/singer told the UK’s Press Association that, “You won’t see me in spandex because that reveals too much of The Hoff.”  One can only assume that “The Hoff” is his pet name for the same junk he took such pleasure in jiggling all over the screen while he ran to rescue struggling swimmers all those years ago.

We can imagine that one contestant will be more than happy to reveal as much skin as possible while two-stepping with partner Karina Smirnoff, for whom one can only feel sympathy.  Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who has apparently run out of non-choosy women on Jersey Shore, has decided that a turn on another reality show can’t hurt his reputation.  Everyone already knows he’s a dirtbag.  I hope Karina is prepared for as much shirtlessness as the show will bear, and that she can find a way to incorporate latex gloves into her costume choices.  Or a Haz-Mat suit.

Another pit of vacuity will be joining the cast.  After a failed acting career, Audrina Patridge of another MTV show, The Hills, has decided to give dancing on a national stage before resorting to a pole at some “gentlemen’s club” in Hollywood.  She will likely spend most of her time fighting off the less-than-subtle advances of The Situation.  Best of luck to both of them.

Rounding out the show are some people who might be fun to watch.  Can Florence Henderson dance at her age?  Will she charm us like Chloris Leachman did?  Athletes Kurt Warner and Rick Fox of the NFL and NBA, respectively, will show their moves, as will Michael Bolton, the unrecognizable Jennifer Grey, Comedian Margaret Cho, Singer Brandy, and whoever Kyle Massey is.

Truly great television is possible this season, if only The Situation finds himself willing to take on another grenade and put some moves on Bristol Palin.  THAT is must-see TV.

Disgraced former Liberian President Charles Taylor finally found the one thing that Naomi Campbell can hold on to.   The once model/current egomaniac was called as a witness in the everlasting trial against Taylor, who is currently being prosecuted in The Hague on 11 vile counts: 5 counts of War Crimes, 5 counts of Crimes against Humanity, and 1 count of Serious Violation of International Law.  In short, he is a bad, bad man.  The trial has not in any way curtailed his love of the ladies, despite his ongoing marriage to the most deluded woman on earth.

Next time, Naomi, buy your own diamonds and keep your mouth shut.

While in South Africa in 1997, Naomi Campbell and Mia Farrow were at a dinner hosted by Nelson Mandela.  For some reason, Charles Taylor was there.  Because he was a man with a lot of power and all the money than he could possibly collect from the enslavement of his own people, Campbell flirted with him.  According to the model’s former agent, Taylor promised to send some men to give her diamonds.  The next morning, over a delicious breakfast, Campbell told Farrow that during the night, two men presented her with a “huge diamond”.

Naturally, when Taylor was arrested for murder, terrorizing civilians, mutilating and beating, sexual slavery, use of child soldiers, etc., Campbell changed her story.  She had no interest in participating in the trial of the man who has come to stand for all that is heinous and evil in the trade of blood diamonds.  But the woman is no stranger to subpoenas, and knew she would have to testify.  And what was she to do?  The truth was absolutely out of the question.  While on the stand, she said that she was awakened in the middle of the night and presented with some “dirty-looking stones”.  She claimed not to know who sent them, or that they were even diamonds.

When Mia Farrow was called to the stand, however, she told a different story.  She said that Campbell had excitedly told her that she had received a huge diamond, and that the men who brought it let her know that it was a gift from Charles Taylor.  It’s just the kind of thing that Naomi Campbell would brag about over her morning coffee.  The details were fuzzy, however, as Campbell, it turns out, was lying to her friend.  She had, in fact, received diamonds, but there were a few and they were uncut stones.  The men told her that they were diamonds, but the supermodel, undoubtedly horrified that they were not of the sparkly, beautifully-cut variety, donated them to the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund.

While in The Hague, she lamented that, “I just want to get this over with and get on with my life.  This is a big inconvenience for me”.  That poor thing.  How she must have suffered, being flown in to testify against a man who made his fortune from the subjugation and torture of his own people.  The whole ‘doing the right thing’ aspect of taking the stand eluded her.

This incident is so minor in the trial that it really doesn’t even bear repeating, except that Naomi Campbell was once famous for being beautiful, and is now famous for throwing things at people.  And it did get her back into the spotlight.  Good for you, Naomi.  Now we like you even less.

Now that Lady Gaga has become a household name—albeit a silly one—she has apparently decided that she is ready to take it to the next level.  She is going to be a movie star.  Sources reveal that she is ready to star in a film that “will be a mix between Moonwalker and Dreamgirls”, the story of a young girl’s dream to be a famous singer and the long, torturous road it took to become an icon for gay men all over the world.

Lady Gaga Film Likely To Be Horror Movie.

At first, it seemed like Gaga was a cheap Madonna knockoff.  Now, she’s a really expensive Madonna knockoff.  She’s all about the crazy outfits and doing pretty much anything to get attention, including wearing little more than her underwear at a Yankees’ game, and perhaps even getting banned from all future games for being seen on the jumbotron with both middle fingers flying high.  After bombing at a previous Lollapalooza, she has returned to the famous tour and is apparently not being booed off the stage this time around.  She was seen at a show in Chicago over the weekend wearing underwear, a bra, fishnet stockings, and more diamonds than Lil Jon has on his pimp cup and grill combined.  She’s come a long way, baby.

Her next venture will, naturally, be on the big screen (ahem, Madonna’s Truth or Dare, ahem).  According to the source, “Gaga wants to emulate what Michael Jackson did during the 80s.  You can already see that with her music videos.  Every one of them is mini-event”.  Well, her videos are mostly like little movies, and they do get lots of Thriller-type attention.  But let’s hope that she doesn’t emulate everything that Michael Jackson did in the 80s.  Underage boys deserve a rest.

But if she wants to make the jump from the 10-minute “Telephone” video to a full-length feature film, well, why not?  She’s just as capable as Madonna is to have herself filmed talking about sex with a bevy of sycophants, and hopefully more capable than Mariah Carey was to act in a story not terribly different from her own life.  As for mixing Moonwalker and Dreamgirls, that’s no small task.  But it isn’t like we’ll be surprised by strangeness.  Oddity is Gaga’s signature.  It wouldn’t be shocking at all to see Lady Gaga with a beehive hairdo grabbing herself while dancing.

Bryan Singer, who directed X-Men and The Usual Suspects, is in talks to direct this film.  Gaga will settle for nothing but the best.  And why should she?  After shattering all records with 13 MTV Video Music Award nominations this year and seeing her album The Fame go diamond, selling more than 10 million units, her ego must be getting close to Madonna-like proportions.

I just hope she doesn’t write any children’s books.

Not long after the announcement that 16 year-old Justin Bieber wrote an autobiography (about what—teething?), we learn that he will also be starring as himself in a 3D biopic.  Evidently, the director of An Inconvenient Truth is in talks to direct Bieber’s film.  Now that’s inconvenient.   Now seriously, what is the deal with Justin Bieber?  There have been 16 year-old singers before.  In the 80s, members of Menudo were booted out when they reached that age.  In the 90s, we had that “Mmmmm…bop” group of brothers, one of whom many of us believed to be a girl.  Then the Jonas Brothers came along.  But their fan bases were all the same: 12 year-old girls.

Justin Bieber (not young Ellen DeGeneres): so much wisdom to share.

So what is it about Justin Bieber that makes him interesting to adult women?  What would make the director an Academy Award-winning movie about global warming decide to document the life of a girlish boy who hasn’t stopped collecting from the tooth fairy yet?  In an effort to understand, this adult female watched the video of “Baby”, a song that disturbingly features rap artist Ludacris who, until that point, had street cred.

I still don’t get it.

The image of a 5’3” teenager professing his love and offering to buy an elusive girl an engagement ring didn’t was just a little creepy.  And to see Ludacris (oh, Luda, what were you thinking?) supporting this by rapping to perhaps the most bubble-gummy music in history only makes a person wonder this: how much money is Bieber shelling out to these people?

But he delivers on his promise to provide words of wisdom to readers and viewers.  In his book, he talks about how he plans to make the world a better place, one fan at a time.  He explains: “People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you’re not talking to me.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life.”

Despite his issues with grammar, it is so comforting to know that he wants to give life-changing experiences to his readers.  He cares enough to offer 3 or so words to talk a youngster off the ledge.  Perhaps he does this via Twitter to reach as many nearly-suicidal tweens as possible (or at least the ones that check @justinbieber before hitting mom’s medicine cabinet).

Paramount Pictures, the studio that brought us everything from The Godfather to Iron Man, has acquired the rights to Bieber’s life story.  They will be able to show us the transition of a boy to a slighter older boy.  Depending on how long production takes, we may even get the story of Justin getting his wisdom teeth and first chest hair.

We can only pray.

It came as no surprise when Charlie Sheen agreed to plead guilty to one count of misdemeanor third-degree assault when opposing counsel offered to drop two other charges, including felony menacing.  This all stems from the argument he had with wife Brooke Mueller last Christmas during which she claims that he threatened her with a large knife.  Now he is free to continue work next week on his still-popular sitcom Two and a Half Men.  There’s a great role model for the kids to be watching.

Charlie Sheen is free to menace again!

One can only assume that the agreement was drafted by an opposing attorney who was himself under the influence of something.  The terms of Sheen’s release include 30 days of probation, 36 hours of anger management, and 30 days of rehab.  Not only can Sheen check into his second home, Promises (into a room that by now must be known as the “Charlie Sheen Suite”), but he might not have to go at all, since the 93 days he’s spent there this year alone might be able to negate any rehab related to this particular conviction.  The actor was also concerned about suffering the embarrassment of performing community service in Aspen, playground of many of his rich and famous friends.  Picking up trash alongside the highway while Robert Downey, Jr. bombs by in a Porsche is just more than the comedic actor can handle.

Sheen has, evidently, already done a 36-hour anger management course, but that might not apply to this case.  Brooke Mueller, who admitted to a few addictions of her own, has also done some rehab and, according to Sheen’s attorney, both have been sober for months.  Months.  That must come as a huge relief to Denise Richards, Sheen’s first wife and mother of two of his children.  Now he’s likely to be a much better Daddy.  He and Mueller, who finally stopped wearing her wedding ring in June (although that could change at any time), have reconciled several times since the Christmas Day event.  According to the 43-page divorce papers that have been drafted—but not yet signed—Sheen will have ample visitation with his twins by Mueller, and neither parent will be able to talk trash about the other in front of the kids.  We’ll see whether it is little Bob or young Max who first utters the phrase “money-grubbing” or “violent junkie”.

While it is, as usual, the kids who suffer the most in these situations, it is normal for the parents to suffer a little, at least.  For Charlie Sheen, who is no stranger to domestic violence and drug addiction, to be able to return to work on his popular television show within a week after his conviction seems, somehow, just not quite right.  But that’s Hollywood.  It’s a shame that Charlie Sheen can’t seem to reinvent himself the way Robert Downey, Jr. has.  But, then, it was over a year in jail that finally forced the actor to change his ways.

So far, Charlie Sheen has dodged more bullets than he ever did in Platoon.

It would not be accurate to say that all of the contestants on Dancing with the Stars have been light on their feet.  One might say that some of them have been downright awful (ahem, Kate Gosselin).  But if Troy Aikman was truthful in blabbing to TMZ that he will appear on next season’s competition, we can brace ourselves for an all new level of elephantine clumping.  Sure, some football players have done a pretty good job on the show, something you might expect from a running back or a wide receiver.  They make their livings using footwork to catch balls thrown by hulking masses known as quarterbacks.  The NFL doesn’t sign quarterbacks for their ability to run any more than Major League Baseball signs pitchers for their ability to hit home runs.

Stick to what you know, Big Guy. Please.

The day after Aikman made his surprising announcement, he backpedaled—even better, I might add, than he ever did on the field—joking that it would interrupt his schedule with American Idol.  It is likely that he changed his tune because ABC doesn’t like to reveal the casting of upcoming seasons until they can do it their way.  One might argue that Aikman would be better qualified to judge potential singers on American Idol that he is to dance anywhere, ever.  Not all the Ochocinco-style diamond rings and diamond necklaces distributed to the judges daily, under cover of darkness, will win him the competition.  It’ll be fun to watch, though.

As for American Idol, Troy Aikman is just about the only person not rumored to become a judge next season.  With Ellen DeGeneres bowing out and Simon Cowell finally ready to move on, speculation about the potential replacements has ranged from the ridiculous to the even more ridiculous.  Jessica Simpson was the first name thrown to the wolves, the Elton John, Harry Connick Jr., Justin Timberlake, and even Howard Stern.  Sean “Diddy” Combs apparently expressed interest in taking time out of his busy ego-massaging schedule to join the panel.  Now it appears that Jennifer Lopez is actually signed on as a new judge.  And the most disturbing rumor, particularly if it comes true, is that Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has been approached to be on the show.

Really, Steven?  Please let this be a joke.  While it would be entertaining to see him as a guest judge on the show, it would be just embarrassing for this to actually become a full-time gig for him.  American Idol is pop culture at it worst (maybe a close second to Dancing with the Stars, but still), and he is The Man.  He was rock and roll even when it wasn’t cool, and he continues to be, no matter how old he gets.  He’s a legend.  He can still rock out with the best of ‘em, and millions upon millions of fans were ecstatic when Aerosmith announced their current tour.  Seeing him sitting next to Randy Jackson and J. Lo would be degrading, at best.  Counter-culture, Steven, please.

The new seasons of Dancing with the Stars and American Idol promise lots and lots of pre-season controversy.  Let’s hope that’s all it is.

It actually made news when Jon Hamm, one of many breakout stars from the series Mad Men, proclaimed that he has no desire to ever get married.  Men everywhere exalted the behavior of the borderline-misogynist, alcoholic, philandering, double-life-leading Don Draper.  Such is the nature of the beast, they rationalized.  Now they can elevate him to god-like status as he made it clear in an interview with Parade magazine that doesn’t want to get married, saying: “I don’t have the marriage chip”.

Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt: Together, Happy, Not Married.

Perhaps this is just a way for him to deflect questions regarding his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt, whom he met in 1997.  It was easy for the couple before he got so famous, but now, in the age of endless engagement/marriage/divorce speculation that celebrities must endure, he has been asked often when he plans to put an oversized engagement ring on her finger.  This is because people assume that every woman desperately wants to be married and bear children.  Hamm cleared this up—for now—in the article, explaining that neither of he nor Westfeldt have good examples of marriages in their own families, so they are content to just be together.  “We’ve already been together four times longer than my parents were married,” he said.

Some of us wait a long, long time to find role models that don’t see marriage as a necessity.  Yes, most people get married, making a big deal out of planning a proposal, showing off the engagement ring, and throwing weddings that cost more than a house.  And that’s great for them.  But what of the others, the outliers, the folks that can be in love without turning it into a three-ring circus (pun intended)?  Where are they to look for validation?

First, those outliers don’t need validation.  If they did, they’d do what people are “supposed to do” and get married.  But it is heartwarming to see couples that are with each other because they like to be, with or without making the cover of People magazine.

But a man does make the cover of magazines when he says that he has no intention of getting married, or is, at least, not planning on it.  The irony is that the men who look at Jon Hamm and his revelation with awe are married, or going to get married, circus and all.  As for the ever-present question about having kids (Westfeldt is now 40 years old), he was equally candid, saying, “I like kids, but I also like the option to close the door”.  He understands that, once you have children, you have taken on a 24-hour a day job.

As for the “normal” people, the 80% of Americans who get married at least once by age 40, well, good for them.  If that’s what they want, then that’s what they should do.  Marriage is a beautiful commitment, and having children is, evidently, wonderful as well.  But outliers like Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt shouldn’t be criticized for following their own path.  Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been together for 25 years.

We don’t have to like Don Draper, but you’ve gotta respect Jon Hamm for his honesty.  It’s refreshing in Hollywood.

Justin Bieber, who appears to have supplanted the Jonas Brothers as the puppy love poster boy, has decided to branch out a bit from his normal routine of singing to pre-teens and shaping his hair.  It appeared that he was joining the ranks of not-so-innocent celebrities Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Khloe Kardashian, tweeting out a picture of him wearing the prison-orange jumpsuit with the caption “I told you I was a BAD MAN”.  Two things wrong with that statement.  He is, at age 16, far from being a man; and he is not actually going to a real jail.  The only crime he has ever really committed is against the environment as he brazenly abuses hairspray.  The picture is from his role as a troubled teen on the season premiere of CSI September 28, as the long-running series hopes to draw in a new demographic.

Adult women, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

CSI has really been running on fumes for a while now, driving away William Petersen (although there are rumors of his return) and Gary Dourdan, who played the thinking person’s dream man Warrick Brown.  Evidently, it is no longer the thinking person who interests the creators of CSI.  It is the underoos-tossing, poster-smooching mob of teenage girls who follow The Biebs everywhere he goes.

This is a boy who has somehow drawn such a following that Kim Kardashian received death threats when she tweeted that she had developed a condition known as “Bieber Fever”.  The threats were not, however, taken seriously, as the people sending them are suburban girls with little access to firearms.  Plus, Kim is rarely seen without some kind of NFL player by her side.  The police were not called.  It seems, however, that adult women are also creepily drawn to the young Canadian.  His baby face and age-appropriate style of dress do not act as a deterrent, but actually seems to draw women to him.  The only way he upgraded his fashion was by replacing the dog tags on a regular chain with dog tags on a chain of diamonds.  He debuted that style at the 23^rd Annual Kids Choice Awards.

So the squeaky-clean young man has taken on an acting coach and accepted an edgy role on an adult-oriented TV series, although the episodes in which he costars will undoubtedly cause an epidemic of tween girls asking to stay up past their normal bedtimes to watch their little idol.  He has appeared Chelsea Lately, a show that absolutely never has content appropriate for the boy or his fan base, and he flirted with the 36 year-old host.  Singer Katy Perry, who is inexplicably attracted to and marrying the also-interesting tresses of British comedian Russell Brand, has professed her attraction to Bieber.  She posted a picture of herself with The Biebs, stating, “Told you I would tap that.  Yummy”.

Yuck.

For those of us who fail to see the charm of Justin Bieber and have not actually ever bothered to watch him sing, all of this is nothing short of mystifying.  His hair is strange, and he has a girly way of shaking his head to ensure that it is always properly arranged.  And he’s 16.  And he’s everywhere.  When the photo of him in his prison jumpsuit hit the internet, there was a glimmer of hope that maybe we wouldn’t be bombarded with his image for a few months—or at least until he reached puberty.

No such luck.  Look for him on primetime television.  Those of use without pedophilic tendencies will be rearranging our sock drawers or, perhaps, reading books.

Last September, Johnny Depp put fear into the hearts of fans when he hinted that he would not reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow for the already-written Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.  This would have put an end to the multi-million dollar franchise.  It would have been a merciful way to end the series of films, which have grown progressively tedious.  The only really good reason to watch the sequels is Depp’s portrayal of the bawdy, drunken sailor.  He’s not a stupid man, that Johnny Depp, and he likes to have fun.  He doesn’t do these films because he needs the $35 million salary.  He can already buy and sell the fountain of youth fifty times over, if he happens upon it in the 2011 film.  One has to think that he does this because he likes to turn into Captain Jack, and his kids think it’s funny.

Blake Lively Offers Two More Reasons to See the Green Lantern.

At this year’s Comic-Con, an annual collection of uber-nerds seeking autographs from their favorite fictional characters, Captain Jack made a video appearance to confirm three things: Pirates 4 is a go, Penelope Cruz will still be in it, and he would very much like a bloody mary.  Cruz, recently in the news for privately exchanging wedding rings with Javier Bardem in the Bahamas, will be playing the role of Blackbeard’s daughter Angelica.  She seeks out the help of Jack Sparrow to find the Fountain of Youth, and uses her feminine wiles to convince him to help her find the magical elixir that can keep her father alive.  Cruz was a no-show at Comic-Con, but the teaser sent by Depp guarantees that the boys will come a-runnin’ to next year’s event with the high hope of seeing her in some kind of tight corset as dictated by her role.

Drooling goobers were not to be disappointed, however, at Cruz’s absence, since Angelina Jolie inexplicably showed up to promote her non-comic book movie Salt.  Jolie is always welcome at Comic-Con for two reasons: she played the character of Lara Croft from Tomb Raider several years ago, and drooling goobers always welcome an opportunity to look at her and possibly get her to sign their fluid-stained movie posters.

Actress Blake Lively, who co-stars in The Green Lantern as Ryan Reynolds’ love interest, also gave geeks a show, guaranteeing that more than just fans of the comic book hero will see the film.  She came to the panel wearing a very low-cut dress.  Suddenly, meeting the Green Lantern seemed a lot less exciting to fans as Lively put on a light show of her own.

For those who attended the party for Tron: Legacy, they were not only treated an amazing, futuristic event featuring the blasting music of Daft Punk and an overt display of product placement by Coke Zero.  They also got to see an enticing array of waitresses in skimpy dresses and a glowing woman in a skin-tight bodysuit.

If there’s anything we can learn from this year’s Comic-Con, it is this: virgin boys from around the globe will always show up if you guarantee them an opportunity to see scantily-clad, unattainable women.  It’s what the comic industry is built on.

The rumors are true.  Kate Gosselin will be bringing her kids to Alaska for part of her new show Kate Plus 8.  It will be part of Kate’s drive to teach her kids about all of the different states.  And what better authority to teach them than former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin?  After all, she’s known far and wide for being an expert on so many things, from parenting to her command of the English language.  She is signed on for her own show on The Learning Channel for a series called Sarah Palin’s Alaska, in which she will somehow have to spin her notorious anti-environmental moves as Governor.  Whatever.  People will watch.

I hope Palin reminds Kate to pack a parka.

Both women jumped at the opportunity to go camping together for Kate’s show.  Hopefully, they will bring an encyclopedia with them if they want it to be a learning experience.  After last week’s “Refudiate-gate”, Palin lost further credibility as an expert on, well, anything.  And she certainly isn’t known for being into the outdoors unless it’s to hunt things, or to say things like “Drill baby, drill”.  But since exploiting the environment is nothing new, exploiting the fame of Kate Gosselin for camera time is certainly well within her moral standards.

Sarah Palin has, after all, been hit hard on the whole “family values” thing, something that might have been pushed aside had her unwed teenaged daughter not recently decided to marry her babydaddy, proudly donning an engagement ring once again.  It has been noted in the press that she not only disapproves of the couple reuniting, but has publicly stated that she doesn’t think the wedding will take place.  Seeing young Bristol and Levi in Vegas with young Tripp as ring-bearer will make for a great US Weekly cover, so Palin better get on board with the whole thing pretty soon.

As for Gosselin, she seemed to fare much better in the media than her ex, but is still hardly viewed as a role model for young women.  Her turn on Dancing with the Stars was, she claimed, a way for her to make money to support her family.  But with the photos of her in a bikini surfacing all over the place, it seems that her visible tummy-tuck scars and new, higher breasts are telling a slightly different story.  It also appears that she has had multiple visits from the Botox fairy.

All of the controversy does, however, make for great television, and the pairing of these two parenting giants guarantees huge viewing numbers.  No one will be tuning in to Palin’s show to really learn anything about Alaska (unless redneck behavior counts), and no one will be watching Kate Gosselin to pick up parenting tips.  But tune in, they will.  These shows are not the brainchildren of TV execs looking to educate the masses.  Rather, they are easy use of media-hungry women hoping to somehow redeem themselves to the public.

As for whether or not either will succeed, well, that, fortunately for both, is a no-brainer.