Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

What exactly does it say about us as a country when the most level-headed political pundit was once known for wearing pink spandex pants and carrying feather boas (without living in West Hollywood, the Meatpacking district, or anywhere in San Francisco)?  What does it say that the same man later wrote a book called I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed?  Do we want either of those stereotypes speaking in the political arena, and, if we do, do we really expect any level of eloquence or common sense? 

"Ladies and Gentleman, your new moral compass!"

And yet, when a discussion of politics comes up, the voice of reason generally seems to be former-WWE wrestler, former-Governor, former-action-film-star Jesse “The Body” Ventura.  Certainly, this has to be some kind of sign of the apocalypse.  The tobacco-chewing, cowboy-hat-wearing Blain Cooper from the movie Predator (starring later-political sparring partner Arnold Schwarzenegger) is an intelligent, well-read, well-spoken author of five (5) books.  For real.  A man that we so want to fit into a well-defined cliché is not only smart, but has been wearing the wedding ring from the same woman since 1975, and has had no infidelity scandals.  He did admit to using anabolic steroids, but in the world of professional athletics—let’s be honest here—those things are more common than big egos, or crabs.

Now “The Body” is hawking his latest book, American Conspiracies: Lies, Lies, and More Dirty Lies that the Government Tells Us.  Okay, so the title is awfully reminiscent of fellow-Minnesotan Al Franken’s Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, but the guy makes some pretty good points.  A lot of his perspective came not from the time he served as Governor, but from living half of the year in Mexico and getting all of his information by reading.  This does not sit well with Larry King.  As entertaining a guest as the opinionated Ventura is, and as intimidating as it can be for the justhisclose-to-his-next-heart-attack host to confront a 6’4”, 245 lb. former pro wrestler, King became irritated by Ventura when he said, “You give me a waterboard, Dick Cheney, and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders”.

Okay, how do you not love this guy?

Granted, he did host a show on TruTV called Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura.  He likes the conspiracy theories.  On his current book tour, he is getting raked over the coals over his belief that “The Bush Administration either knew about the plan and allowed it to proceed, or they had a hand in it themselves”.  It’s far from the first time that idea has been proposed, but when it comes out of the imposing mouth of “The Governing Body”, it makes more of an impression.

Whether or not we agree with everything he has to say, he proves again and again that, on most subjects, that he is the only arbiter of common sense in the media. 

Yes, ladies and gentleman, expect the locusts anytime now.  One of our most reliable sources of reason once had the primary goal of putting Hulk Hogan in a half-nelson.

Thank God for Jessica Simpson, or we would never learn anything about how difficult it is to be judged by one’s appearance.  That is, unless you exist on this planet, in which case you live with it every day.  But she’s one chesty blond who knows how hard it is to be rich, beautiful, and famous, and she wants to share her experience with us.  That poor thing, who scored an engagement ring from a pop star (Nick Lachey, while famous) at age 21, dated John Mayer while he still had credibility, and was thisclose to getting engaged to NFL star Tony Romo, is eager to delve into the true meaning of beauty.

"Can we get a burger after this?"

This whole project began after her career started to falter, she became known as the “curse” of the Dallas Cowboys, and she performed at a chili cook-off in those unflattering Mom Jeans.  At the time, she chose not to respond to the world-at-large as they commented on her obvious weight gain.  She finally appeared on Oprah on Wednesday and stated that she “didn’t want to feed into it”, using perhaps the poorest choice of words since, well, probably the thing she said five seconds earlier.  But she didn’t want to talk about that. 

She also didn’t want to talk about John Mayer’s recent remarks about her being “sexual napalm” and “crazy” in bed.  So she didn’t feed into that, either.  Until Oprah asked a question.  Then she said that she is “so disappointed in him”, and that “That’s not the John that [she] know[s]”.  She’s so embarrassed by everyone knowing that she is insatiable that she giggled and laughed while she talked about it. 

The real reason she was there was to plug her new reality show on VH1.  It was inspired by the Mom Jeans incident—which she didn’t want to talk about but was sure to mention that she only gained ten pounds and was a size 4—and became something that VH1 was proud to place among its other great programming like Rock of love: Tour Bus, Celebrity Fit Club 7, Celebrity Rehab 3, and RuPaul’s Drag Race.  Jessica took best friend CaCee Cobb and sylist/friend Ken Paves and brought them with her to Japan, Thailand, France, Brazil, Uganda, Morocco, and India to film The Price of Beauty.  When she went to Uganda, she learned that many brides were encouraged to gain as much weight as possible to be more attractive to their husbands.  While she was in Paris, she learned that fashion models are very skinny. 

And when she was in India, she learned how to sit and look like she was meditating in a full face of makeup, perfect hair, and pouty lips.  You know, just the real Indians do it. 

In case you’re curious, The Price of Beauty begins airing on March 15.  Tune in.  It should be a hoot.

Curling has several things working in its favor during the 2010 Winter Olympics.  First and foremost, the Games are in Canada this year.  Canadians love their curling.  Second, the Canadian women’s team is getting crazy press because they’ve got a 5 ½ months-pregnant player on their team.  And then there’s the matter of Norway’s pants.  Those Norwegians have some crazy pants, and they’ve already proven that they aren’t embarrassed to wear them.  They should be, but, in a sport that 90% of the world doesn’t even know exists, they are unafraid to let their collective freak flag fly.  And, just in case the Americans were switching to reruns of Golden Girls whenever curling came on, Canada decided to call their ‘Skip’ (that’s Canadian for ‘Captain’) by the nickname ‘The Michael Jordan of Curling’.  Yeah, Americans have all heard of him.  That’ll get us to watch.

Do you need another reason to watch?

Does any of this add up to a wild American curiosity about something that more-or-less adds up to shuffleboard-on-ice?

Evidently so, because everyone is talking about it.  Mostly, they’re saying, “I don’t think I really understand curling”, but they’re watching while they try to figure it out. 

Curling is great for a whole bunch of reasons. 

 1. You can be really pregnant and still play, for example.  It isn’t a contact sport.  Some question whether or not it’s a sport at all.  Kristie Moore, the famous pregnant Olympic curler, came under fire for being the ‘most pregnant woman to compete in the Olympics’.  She and her boyfriend (actually, she’s been wearing an engagement ring for four years, but has made no plans to marry yet) decided to start a family before the possibility of playing in the Games came up.  When she was asked to be an alternate on the team, they were totally unfazed when she told them of the baby on the way.  Moore’s mother, a curler herself, was playing until a week before Kristie’s older brother Chad was born.  That’s how curlers roll, you see.

2. You can be about 100 and still play.  Since curling isn’t the most physically demanding of sports and lacks the kind of danger of skiing or snowboarding, players can play forever.  The ‘Skip’ of the Canadian women’s team is 43-year-old Cheryl Bernard.  The ‘Michael Jordan of curling’ is another 43-year-old Canadian, Kevin Martin, also known as “K-Mart” (I kid you not).  He can, evidently, ‘release his rock’ and ‘talk it all the way to the house’.  That’s how points are scored, with the ever-entertaining help of two teammates with “brooms” who furiously brush them on the ice to heat it and, thusly, help the “rock” towards its bullseye-like target.

3. With a “rock” consisting of 42 pounds of granite and a handle, it actually sounds like it might be strenuous to “throw” it.

4. You get to wear special shoes that enable you to both slide (if you’re ‘throwing’) or shuffle (if you’re “sweeping”).

5. Some of the “brooms” look just like brooms.  Some look more like whiteboard erasers on the end of a stick.  And they are personalized not only per team, but also by the individual player.

6. The sport was created 500 years ago in Scotland, when it got too cold to play golf, which leads us to:

7. Three words: Norwegian Curling Pants.

8. 90 minutes into the game, they stop to have a nosh.  The Chinese women brought strawberries yesterday.  The Swiss chose melon.  Some make time for some nice hot tea.

Curling is the second most popular sport in Canada—after hockey, of course.  And why shouldn’t it be (aside from the notion that most of us hadn’t heard of it until those crazy Norwegians took to the ice in red, white, and blue diamond-print pants)?  One would think it would be popular with South Florida residents, many of whom wear loud trousers and funny hats to play the warm-weather version, called ‘shuffleboard’.  The thing is, curling has been around for 500 years, and no one ever talked about it until the 2010 Winter Olympics.  It was a secret that the Canadians have been keeping from its neighbors to the south all this time.

It would’ve been okay if they kept it a little bit longer.

John Mayer knows that he is perceived by the World at Large to be a total D-bag.  Probably because he is a total D-bag.  But he apologizes for it.  Then he does something else offensive.  Then he apologizes.  And so on and so on.  All the while that he’s talking about all of the women he’s been with and divulging intimate details of his escapades, new women keep running to him like he’s the last Madonna t-shirt at a Pride parade.

Deep As A Teaspoon.

Most recently, he made remarks that were seen as racist not because John Mayer dislikes black people, but because he’s an idiot who never thinks before he speaks.  He’s recorded with Common and Kanye West.  Common is a strong, political black man who wouldn’t work with a racist.  Kanye West probably had a “Who’s The Biggest D-Bag?” contest with Mayer via Twitter, even as they sat in a studio together.  And it was ALL DONE IN CAPITAL LETTERS.  But then he makes remarks about a ‘Benetton heart and a David Duke”, um, other part of his body, and he’s ticked off an entire community.  Again, not because he thinks like David Duke or has anything against any other races, but because he has a complete inability to filter his thoughts.  That remark would have been funny if he told it to a few friends while they sat in a haze, strumming their guitars.  It is not so funny when you say it to a reporter for Playboy magazine. 

And the chicks still come a-runnin’.  He’s dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, Minka Kelly, Cameron Diaz, and a string of other starlets before hitting the Big Two:  Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston.  We almost wanted John and Jen to stay together, for the rumors of an engagement ring to be true, for them to have beautiful babies.  But, alas, she is a grown-up, and he still believes that, at 32-years-old, he has license to go through women like Kleenex.  The things he said about Jessica Simpson were just TMI.  Even the interviewer from Playboy was a bit taken aback by his candor about their, um, chemistry, when Mayer referred to the singer as “sexual napalm” (Did anyone besides me think of Coming to America and ‘Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate’?).  Papa Joe must’ve had a meltdown over that.  At least Mayer managed to be as respectful as he can be when referring to Aniston. 

To further his jackassery, Mayer states that he is bored with bagging lots of women.  He prefers to be, ahem, by himself these days.  It’s too easy for him to get girls now.  And why is that, anyway?  Okay, so he’s tall, and women like that.  He has a good head of hair, and that’s nice.  He’s okay-looking, although he could clearly use a little less self-play and a little more sleep.  And his singing, well, let’s just say that Justin Timberlake’s imitation of John Mayer was wet-your-pants funny.  And he’s a total d-bag, and admits it.  So why all the panty-dropping?  Ask the nearest 18-year-old girl.  “If I have a conversation with a really hot girl that lasts all night,” Mayer told Playboy, “And she says, ‘Wow, I had no idea I was going to like you this much’”, that is better than sex to him.  He should probably keep looking for the panty-droppers, ‘cuz charming, he ain’t.

While trying to look contemplative and self-deprecating, he says that he has to let himself out of the figurative prison he feels that fame has put him in.  “In 2010,” he says, “My goal is to get more mentions in US Weekly than ever”.  In the same article, he probably put on his wisest expression as he said, “I’m old enough now to know that I need to change”.

That’s our Johnny.  He makes no sense, and when he does, he offends people.  Yet the trail of discarded women behind him grows ever longer.  On behalf of my gender, I’d like to say, “Why?”

Who better to dispense marriage advice than Madonna?  The twice-wed, fresh meat-seeking singer is ready to “help” couples who seek that sort of thing on a television program hosted by Jerry Seinfeld instead of seeking the guidance of a therapist.  The show, called Marriage Ref features celebrities deciding who is right or wrong in disagreements between real spouses.  Kinda like Judge Judy, only less dignified.  Instead of disputes being settled with some kind of logic or law, they will be decided by famous people.  Famous people with questionable track records in the relationship department.  Madonna is the BIG star attraction thus far, and she’s proven herself more than worthy of reality television by rekindling her romance with 23-year-old Jesus Luz while in Brazil this past week. 

Unless Madonna can advise me on how to get one of these, I'm not watching.

Also scheduled to appear on the show are Sarah Silverman, Matt Lauer, Cedric the Entertainer, Matthew Broderick, Alec Baldwin, Larry David, and Charles Barkley, among others.  If Charles Barkley told me I was wrong in an argument, I might not agree, but I wouldn’t say anything.  Alec Baldwin has famously made a fool of himself during his divorce from Kim Basinger, leaving horrifying voicemails for their daughter.  Jerry Seinfeld is happily married to a woman he met just after she returned from the honeymoon following her first happy (but very short) marriage.   Excellent therapists. 

Ricky Gervais, who will also appear on the show, has been with the same woman for 18 years, but has yet to commit to wedding rings.   Eva Longoria Parker, Tina Fey, and Martin Short are also signed up for the show.  According to executives of the Marriage Ref, the celebrities aren’t required to have a great relationship track record; they merely have to be persuasive enough to comedian Tom Papa—the actual Marriage Ref himself—that they are right.

And so we can look forward to all sorts of comedy and commentary from famous people as they give their opinions about other peoples’ relationships.  Some of it should be quite entertaining, but, as with most of these sorts of shows, very little is likely to be resolved.  It’ll be awesome to see what kinds of couples are willing to sit, straight-faced, while celebrities make a mockery of their marital woes.  I guess it’s gotta be cheaper than marriage counseling.

The show begins on February 28, after the Olympics.  All the world, too lazy to reach for the remote, will be watching.

Lil Wayne, our beloved Weezy, was supposed to be shipped off to the pokey for a one-year sentence relating to whatever “attempted” criminal gun possession is.  He delayed the term literally by the skin of his teeth.  The rapper apparently has to have some dental surgery that cannot wait until after he gets out.  If I were a rapper who decorated my teeth with thousands and thousands of diamonds, I’d be looking into getting those removed before I went to a place where an official Lil Wayne Diamond Tooth could potentially be traded for cartons of cigarettes and plenty of whatever that gross alcohol prisoners make themselves is called.  It is not that, however, that is bringing him to visit the dentist.  Weezy cracked a tooth somehow—and I think we’d all rather not know the details—and it needs to be fixed now.  After the procedure, he will require a week to heal, so he is expected to make his grand entrance to Riker’s Island Prison on March 2. 

20 Days Before These Choppers Are Being Openly Traded for Lucky Strikes.

It’s almost a shame.  Weezy spent what he thought was his last few nights partying it up.  He threw a party for family and friends at Dolce nightclub in Miami as a going away/Super Bowl celebration, recorded nine music videos in 48 hours, watched his Saints win the Super Bowl (He is proud New Orleans native), and posted an emotional goodbye to his fans.  He promised that he would not, as many of his incarcerated peers have, disappear from his fans’ radar while serving his time.  With nine videos—a few for the compilation We Are Young Money, a few for his recent release Rebirth, and a few for his upcoming album Tha Carter IV—he will not be forgotten.  With 20 extra days of freedom, he can easily record a whole new album, make a couple of videos, and possibly impregnate a few more young ladies before he turns himself in. 

As for seeing his Saints win the Super Bowl, Lil Wayne was sure to acknowledge them in the video that was supposed to air after he went to jail.  Although some of the dramatic effect was lost when he ended up getting a stay of execution (so to speak), he said: “Shout out to all the Saints out there, Reggie Bush, Colston, Drew Brees.  The Dome Patrol, Rickey Jackson for being elected to the Hall of Fame this year.  Pat Swilling.”

During his supposed-to-be-last-days, Wayne got in touch with Kobe Bryant and told him that he planned to record a song in his honor called “You Can’t Guard Me”.  Kobe showed up on set to help record a video to go with the song, which states: “He the greatest on the court/I’m the greatest on the verse”.  Wayne also spoke of a reunion of his former group the Hot Boys, which included rappers Juvenile, Turk, B.G., and a 15-year-old Lil Wayne.  It is still on, once Turk gets out of prison, where he was sent after pleading out to second-degree attempted murder for shooting a police officer, possessing a firearm while a felon, possessing a firearm while a fugitive from justice, and possessing a firearm while under the influence of a controlled substance.  He got 12 years in 2006.  He could be out as early as 2012.

Weezy himself might only need to serve 8 of his 12-month term, if he’s a good boy and the prisons remain woefully overcrowded.  The rapper, regardless, remains contemplative about serving time, telling Rolling Stone: “This is Lil Wayne going to jail.  Nobody can tell me what that’s like.  I just say I’m looking forward to it.”  Hopefully, it will be as pleasurable an experience as he is expecting.   Not everyone thinks of prison as a fine way to spend a few months.  Gotta love this guy.

Although this season promises less controversy than ever—with no Dustin Diamond having massive tantrums, no Guy-From-Eight-Is-Enough melting down, no drug-addled outbursts from Jeff Conaway—it is still going to be an entertaining as ever.  Yet another group of the formerly famous has eaten its way to the next step in their waning careers: reality television.  With Drill Sergeant Harvey Walden IV screaming them into submission, they will huff and puff their way to eventual weight loss (they hope).  The comedy began to unfold in the first episode, which aired last night, when Bobby Brown declared of their stark living arrangements, “It’s easy compared to being in jail”. 

I thought people worked out in jail...

Tears come out as Shar Jackson realizes that she still has some unresolved issues with her babydaddy and co-star Jevin Federline.  Evidently, she still remains some amount of surprise that the former backup dancer left her pregnant behind to slip a wedding ring on Britney Spears’ golden finger.  Hopefully, she is able to derive some satisfaction from K-Fed’s admission that he went into a depression after his split from the pop star and ate his way to 232 pounds.  On his first weigh-in, he admits, “I look like a pregnant man right now”.  And this is a guy who knows what pregnancy looks like.  He seems to cause it wherever he goes—at least he did before he gained all those excess kilos. 

Also on the show is former Baywatch star Nicole Eggert, who wears a revealing one-piece bathing suit on the show.  What she reveals is considerably more than was there a few years back.    Sebastian Bach, the once-bad boy lead singer of Skid Row who was reduced to a bit part on chick-drama Gilmore Girls, warns that people have tried to tell him what to do before, and that it never works out.  Alas, he no longer has the youthful angst or energy to back up his claims, and continues to do as Harvey tells him without incident.  Rounding out the cast (so to speak) are KayCee Stroh of High School Musical, who is just a sweet girl; Tanisha Thomas of The Bad Girls’ Club who cries and tries to go toe-to-toe with Harvey and threatens to quit a lot; and Jay McCarroll, the winner of Project Runway’s first season.  He actually appears to be there to work hard, and provides a little comic relief along the way.  He was funny on Project Runway, too. 

Sure, Celebrity Fit Club, like all other reality TV, derives most of its success from the viewers’ desire to see trainwrecks-in-progress.  People will still watch, however, to feel better about themselves because formerly-thin, formerly-rich celebrities let themselves go.  It’s a charming world.  Tune in on Mondays.

Our beloved scandal-ridden, sex-tape-making, nude-photo-posing, same-sex-marriage-hating, lawsuit-filing, out-of-court-settling ex-Miss California has found herself an appropriate opposite-sex mate.  The 22-year-old Carrie Prejean began dating 28-year-old St. Louis Ram Kyle Boller last July, in the middle of the controversy that made us aware of who she is.  Despite—and possibly because of—her fortuitously-discovered sex tapes and topless photos—the conservative Quarterback was interested in the Aryan poster-child.  And now, after only 7 months of dating, it seems that Kyle has given Carrie an engagement ring.

A Man and a Woman Intend to Marry Each Other.

Having taken time out of her busy bigotry-spreading and book-selling schedule, Prejean has fallen in love.  And just to clarify: she is engaged to a man, a member of the opposite sex, someone with different anatomy.  We don’t want to forget, any more than we want to forget her visit with Larry King in November, in which she refused to discuss anything relating to the controversy of which she had been a part.  She wanted to talk about her book, why Sarah Palin is her hero, how the liberal media persecute conservative women, her book, and her book.  Evidently, the former beauty queen didn’t realize what the show is about, and was unprepared to field any questions unless the answers could begin with, “In my book, Still Standing, I talk about…”.  

She also refused to take calls.  When a caller from Detroit, a gay man who loves pageants (imagine such a thing!), asked Prejean if she had any recommendations for his wedding.  She took off her microphone and threatened to walk off.  She had, after all, already told Larry King several times that he was “being very inappropriate” for asking why she settled her lawsuit against the Miss America Pageant.  How dare he ask questions in an, um, interview?

In her favor, Prejean, having been well-trained by undoubtedly some of the finest pageant coaches in the world (most of whom are men who date other men), didn’t lose her cool.  She kept smiling and saying, “Larry, you’re being very inappropriate”, and explaining, after putting her microphone back on, that her publicist had arranged it so she wouldn’t have to take any called-in questions. 

Despite all of her difficulties, Kyle has stood by Carrie, and now plans to make her his bride.  They got engaged in Prejean’s hometown of San Diego, where Boller owns a home and spends time during the off-season.  Our best of luck to the couple, who will probably get married in “her country” where everyone thinks just like her—or not at all.

Jim Carrey, the actor primarily known for facial contortions and odd behavior, has become “Sir Jim Carrey”.  Actually, since it’s France, the official title is ‘Chevalier’.  Nonetheless, he shares a title with other honorary knights like Sean Connery, Edward R. Murrow, Michael Gambon, Alec Guinness, Stephen Hawking, and George Mitchell.  Of course, those knights are in England.  Order of the British Empire.  Very much a big deal.  Carrey was given his title in France, the country that practically deifies Jerry Lewis.  So maybe it’s not quite the same thing.  He was knighted at the same time as Ewan McGregor, his co-star in I Love You Phillip Morris, a film about a con man who falls in love with his prison cellmate.  The pair celebrated their award with a kiss.

Chevalier Jim Carrey, The Most Honorable Knight in France.

This is not to say that Jim Carrey is now batting for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  He and Jenny McCarthy, who have been dating for almost five years but show no signs of getting married, will be hosting the fourth annual Saturday Night Spectacular, a very upscale pre-Super Bowl party, on February 6.  Maybe since Reggie Bush said he would marry Kim Kardashian if the Saints win the Super Bowl, Carrey and McCarthy will be inspired to exchange wedding rings.  Or not.  That’s not what anyone is talking about, anyway.

The fact is that Jim Carrey was knighted by someone who has the power to do that sort of thing.  It’s a big leap from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective to “Sir Carrey of Canada”.  French Culture Minister Frederic Mitterand, on presenting Carrey and McGregor with their honors, was heard to say, “I love you, Jim Carrey!  I love you, Ewan McGregor!”  Evidently, the French, in general, feel the same way.  Need I remind you again of Jerry Lewis?

In a way, it is very forward-thinking and bold that France would honor the pair as they wrap filming a movie in which two men fall in love.  Based on a true story, Carrey plays Steven Jay Russell, who meets his soulmate, Phillip Morris, while in prison.  In the film, which casts Carrey as a traditional romantic lead with a few twists, Russell comes up with elaborate plans for escape so he and his love can be together, and free.  Despite the movie being about men falling in love with each other, Carrey has said that he doesn’t “think it’s a gay movie”. 

Um, yeah it is.  There doesn’t have to be leather involved for it to be a “gay movie”.

It is a love story, it is “about the lengths we go to for acceptance or love” (according to Carrey himself), but it’s about two dudes who go to those great lengths.  Own it, Jim.  It’s okay.  We don’t like you any less for it, for heaven’s sake.

PLUS, the French just knighted you.  You and Ewan join George Clooney, Jude Law, Clint Eastwood, Roger Moore, and Vanessa Paradis (no Johnny Depp??)  Enjoy it, and stop dwelling on whether or not Jenny thinks less of you.  She stuck with you through The Yes Man.  She can certainly handle you kissing a guy.

Chevalier Jim Carrey.  Do I hear the thundering sound of the Four Horsemen?

Prince Harry, the beautiful ginger-haired Prince of Wales, arrived in the Caribbean to raise money for the Sentebale Foundation, a charity created by him to help the children of Lesotho, one of the poorest nations in the world.  He wanted to go to Haiti as well, but he was somehow convinced that it was a tremendous security risk.  How a trip to the earthquake-stricken, nearly-leveled island nation poses more of threat than sending the tall red-headed, pale-skinned Brit to war-torn Afghanistan is a mystery, but Harry agreed so he could get on with the fund-raising.

I'd donate to his charity, any day.

During the first annual Sentebale Polo Cup, Harry took a nasty spill, but turned it into an athletic-looking somersault and didn’t get injured.  In 2001, his Prince Charles was hurt while playing polo, getting thrown off a horse, knocking him unconscious, and he somehow swallowed his tongue.   Only the British get debilitating polo injuries.  Like father, not so much like son.

After the fall, Harry appeared to throw a truly royal hissy fit, throwing his mallet to the ground and ripping off his helmet.  He later explained that he wasn’t behaving like a spoiled child—something most of us expect from really rich people who suffer any sort of embarrassment—but he was upset at himself for the charity.  The previous night, Harry had met a businessman who offered to donate $50,000 if he fell off his horse during the match.  The man’s wife, according to Harry, “turned round and said ‘that’s a bit harsh, you should give him $100,000 of he stays on.’  And he agreed to seal the deal on that”.  Our beloved hot Prince was “furious” with himself because he felt that he ‘lost’ $50,000 for his foundation.  The businessman donated the full $100,000 anyway.  Beyond that, the match was an immediate sell-out, and Harry hopes to make it an annual event.

Since he was there, His Royal Ginginess took part in a huge charity concert broadcast live across the Caribbean to raise money for relief in Haiti.  While Barbados’ reigning Calypso King, Red Plastic Bag, performed for the enormous crowd, the third in line to the British throne made the Barbadians an offer they couldn’t refuse.  He said that he would dance on stage in front of millions of viewers if they donated 5,000 Barbados dollars (about $2484) within 25 minutes. 

They did.

And he honored his promise.  Red’s got rhythm!  Afterwards, however, he was heard to say, “There goes my credibility” (au contraire, Ginge), even as he himself made a donation—the amount of which he would not disclose—to the Haiti relief effort.  Red’s got a soul!

The Prince also visited a hospital, endearing himself to the children there.  He introduced himself to the children, shaking their little hands.  He held babies.  He talked to the nurses and volunteers.  Then, one little girl in a crib who was unable to get up craned her neck to the side and shouted “It’s Harry!  It’s Harry!”

I would probably have the same reaction.

He instantly went from ‘cute’ to ‘more adorable than a roomful of kittens’.

Of course, this brought about comparison to his mother.  Harry and Prince Seeiso of Lesotho—who joined Harry onstage to dance—created Sentebale in memory of the late Princess Diana.  When asked by a reporter about continuing his mother’s charitable work, he said, “I don’t know if I can follow in her footsteps…but I will always try to achieve what she achieved”.

Thankfully, rumored girlfriend Chelsy Davy was not with him.  Hopefully, all of those engagement ring and royal wedding rumors are just that.  I’ll be waiting for his call.