Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Akon, also known as Aliaune Badara Thiam, or (if you ask him) Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam.  He was born in either Senegal or St. Louis, depending on your source, or—if you ask him—his mood.  Song lyrics from the 2008 album “Freedom” indicate that he was born in Senegal and moved to St. Louis with his father shortly thereafter.  Some documents have been found showing that he was born in Senegal and delivered by Dr. Magueye Seck.  He is rumored to have three wives, reassures fans that he only has one, but makes no secret in his lyrics of enjoying the company of many women.  To say the least, it would be difficult to be Mrs. Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam.  Or even just Mrs. Akon would be challenging enough emotionally, without worrying about what to change your name to.

Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam (or not) and a Girl Who REALLY Doesn't Look 15.

The best part is that no one has any idea how old he is, and he ain’t talkin’.  Some sources have said he was born in 1981, making him a tender 28 years old.  That’s still young enough to have song titles that most people won’t say out loud in mixed company.  However, The Smoking Gun states that he was born in 1973, on either April 16 or April 30.  That would make him 36 and pushing the limit of being ‘new school”.  When he was asked by Vibe Magazine what his age really is, Akon responded, “The only thing I hide is my age..before I lie to you, I’d rather say nothing.” 

Speaking as a 30-something woman, I say: “LIE YOUR NACKA LU LU LU OFF, AKON!” 

He is definitely the son of famous Senegalese percussionist Mor Thiam, and was raised to play several musical instruments.  Word is that he may have born in St. Louis to avoid immigration issues, but split time between Dakar, Senegal and Missouri until he was 15.  Or not.  Again, it depends on who you ask.

His released his first album in 2004.  Since then, he has also released Konvicted in 2006 and Freedom in 2008.  After Life is scheduled to drop in 2010.  He made his millions, however, primarily on collaboration with other artists.  Although he is a true talent in his own right, he has worked with some of the most popular artists in music.  He has worked with Snoop Dogg, Chamillionaire, Bone Thugs ‘n Harmony, DJ Khaled, Young Jeezy, Fabolous, 50 Cent, T.I., Daddy Yankee, Gwen Stefani, and so on.  He also started his own record label and clothing line.

This allowed Akon to have plenty of available funds, some of which he invested in his homeland, by a diamond mine in South Africa.  Initially, he denied the existence of blood diamonds, but has since recanted and now makes sure that his mine fairly pays and treats its workers, and that a portion of the profits from diamonds mined there are donated to the community through his charity for underprivileged African children, The Konfidence Foundation. 

In 2008, Akon worked with Michael Jackson on a duet called “Hold My Hand”.  Akon told a reporter that Jackson had planned a major release for the song and video, but it was leaked onto the internet, and the big moment was ruined.  This was the last song Michael Jackson worked on before his death.  We can also thank Akon for co-producing Lady Gaga first studio album.  In the future, Akon, Nelly, T-Pain and Pharrell are planning on teaming up to form a rap supergroup.  He is an incredibly prolific talent.
 

But there have been some issues as well.  One involved Akon dancing provocatively with a 15 year-old girl in a club while in Trindad and Tobago.  He touches on this subject in his new song “Sorry, Blame It on Me”, in which he makes reference to the club being for people over 21.  Since the incident was filmed, it got all over the internet, and Verizon decided not to sponsor Gwen Stefani’s Sweet Escape Tour, for which Akon was the opening act.  The potentially-embarrassing incident was turned into gold when the track resulting from it became a hit even before the re-release of Konvicted, on which the song was to make its debut.

Also, Akon is a Muslim, and says he has never had alcohol or done drugs.  His lyrics say something different.  Maybe they’re just words to songs.  One wonders, however, how to collaborate with Lil Wayne and NOT be high.  He says that his faith helps guide him in the way he treats others.  Was he thinking of Mohammed when he wrote “Smack That”?  He also says that it was his three-year stint for grand theft auto that inspired the title to the album “Locked Up”.  Court documents show no such jail term.  Akon was later quoted by another source as saying that he had served several small sentences TOTALING three years, and that the other reporter misunderstood.  He may or may not have been a drug dealer.   Who really knows?

Maybe his two nearly identical brothers, with whom he is planning a reality show in which they go all over Atlanta claiming to be Akon to see what they can get for free. 

Maybe his brothers know the answers to Akon’s Awesome Ambiguity.  But they ain’t tellin’.  And neither is he. 

As far as this kid is concerned, who cares how old he is, whether he served time, or what his real full name is?  It’s not like the rap community is chock full of angels and virgins.  He’s making it work for him.  It’s a beacon of hope for those of us who really enjoy keeping our dates-of-birth to ourselves.

Lie on, brother.  Lie on.

Diamond thievery is definitely the trendy crime these days. And it’s not only for cross-dressers, you know. Anyone can be a diamond thief-if he picks the right place to steal from. Everyone knows from television that pawn shops and mini-marts all have high-tech surveillance. Heck, the AM/PM across the street has a security monitor in HDTV, should someone want to make off with a $4 box of Chips Ahoy. It seems that the industry most lagging behind in the security area is jewelers.

Can I get a collective slap to the forehead and “Doh!”?

Homer Not Good Diamond Guard

But now, the JSA (Jewelers’ Security Alliance) is warning jewelers to be wary of “switch artists” who replace diamond jewelry with cheap, cubic zirconia knock-offs (National Jeweler Network). In September, a Boston retail jewelry store discovered that a pair of $87,000 diamond earrings and a $36,000 ring were replaced by “CZ”, as we call it in law enforcement (or if we are avid watchers of CSI). Evidently, the store does not know when the switch occurred. Is Homer Simpson GM at this store? Generally, if you don’t trust someone to feed your cats when you’re out of town, don’t let them handle the big jewels. Let them endure the grueling, boot camp style training at Claire’s before you hire them and allow them to show anything worth more than your car.

In November, a mall jewelry store in Ohio had two diamonds worth about $50,000 replaced with CZ. It wasn’t until salespeople were checking the cases that the switch was noticed. The store, it is noted, doesn’t have security cameras. Again, I’m frisked like an Arab at LAX before I can get my morning latte, but jackasses I wouldn’t give a house key to are trusted with millions of dollars worth of gems. AND THEY AREN’T EVEN SUPERVISED BY CAMERAS.

I remember a great episode of CSI: NY in which just these kinds of capers were pulled off. A woman would try on an expensive diamond ring, and then, seeming unable to pull it off her finger with ease, she would put her finger in her mouth as if to use saliva as a lubricant (yuck, for the next tryer-on), and would have a CZ replica in her mouth to switch them out.

If prime-time tv writers know how the tricks thieves might use, shouldn’t real-live, non-fictitious jewelers as well? Television writers-professional couch potatoes-know this, but retailers who sell trinkets worth more than my house are still not installing surveillance cameras. I’m just sayin’.

The JSA lists several methods retailers can use to be more vigilant. My list might be shorter.

It would read: “1. Don’t Be An Idiot”.

An addendum might be: “If your prospective employee lists as a reference Monty Burns, Owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant as his reference, you might want to double-check that CV.”

It used to be that women would wait patiently for Prince Charming to ride up on his white horse, kneel in front of her, and present her with a beautiful engagement ring.  Evidently, this still does, sometimes, happen.  Maybe the white horse is a Harley-Davidson and he doesn’t kneel so much as nervously shift from one foot to another, but the sentiment is still there: I love you and am pretty sure that I want to spend to rest of my life with you, but, if not, this ring can be melted down and made into something else that doesn’t remotely remind you of me.  Love is a beautiful thing.
For women who are either tired of waiting or don’t want to wait for this phenomenon, there is now an alternative: right-hand rings.  Instead of waiting for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now), some women are choosing to buy themselves diamonds.   Why wait for a beautiful ring when we are fully capable of buying ourselves exactly what we want, without relying on someone else to fulfill our accessorizing needs? 

The jewelry industry has definitely taken notice of this trend.  Every jeweler, from the cheesy to the upscale, is offering a variety of “right-hand” diamond rings that promises to announce to the world your success, power, self-sufficiency and so on.  It is a fad that has even hit Hollywood, although in a perplexing way.  Seen flaunting their displays of independence are Sarah Jessica Parker, Julia Roberts, Debra Messing, and Victoria Beckham—all, ironically, happily (or at least dutifully) married to extraordinarily wealthy men.  Certainly, these women can afford to buy their own rings, so they do–carefully sporting them on their right hands.  It is on their left hands that we can see the diamond exhibits received from their respective husbands.

For those of us who never realized that diamond rings were hand-specific, this fad comes as something as a surprise.   Most of us tend to choose which hand a ring goes on by how much water we are retaining that particular day. 

These diamond rings, although they are catering to women who want to flaunt their independence, are not some kind of feminist flag waving at the world.  They are pretty things that some of us want and can afford to buy.  And, like a fantastic new pair of shoes, they can make your whole day better.