Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

It takes a mind like that of Howard Stern to come up with the idea of a beauty pageant for the mistresses of Tiger Woods.  And to have the $100,000 prize come from AshleyMadison.com, which is a dating website for married people.  From this great mind comes a partnership with jeweler Steven Singer, famous for his “I Hate Steven Singer” campaigns.  Singer has designed another prize for the winner of the competition, and it’s almost (but not quite) worth the humiliation—provided that you’ve already been suitably humiliated by having your name in every newspaper, tabloid, and website as a home-wrecking bimbo.  It is a 3-carat black diamond engagement ring, with the center stone surrounded by an additional half-carat of stones, all set in platinum.  The only thing that doesn’t come with it is dignity.  Or an engagement. 

I wonder if it's fun to be completely shameless.

As of today, one of the four confirmed contestants seems to have backed out.  Las Vegas odds-makers are betting that the pageant will never even take place.  Odds are that Tiger Woods will choose to pay each of the women more than 100 grand and one diamond ring to not compete.  He can afford it.  What he cannot afford is to have us all still talking about this more than three months after mistresses started appearing like teenage boys at a Jenna Jameson book signing.  And yet here were all are, with Howard Stern stoking the flames to make sure that Tiger doesn’t live this down until Stern builds another wing for his museum of jackassery. 

And Sirius XM is allowing him to host the pageant live, on his show March 10.  As for the ring, Ashley Madison and Steven Singer put their heads together to come up with what they’re calling the ‘non-engagement ring’.  Singer released a statement that, “…the mistress never gets the ring, so we’ve created the ‘non-engagement’ ring for the winner of the beauty pageant…It’s now the official mistress ring”.  And what a thing for a young woman to brag to her friends about!  At least it’s better than the “I slept with a Masters winner and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” t-shirt.  In the press release issued by Steven Singer Jewelers, they say, “The center stone is a 3- carat total weight black diamond.  The black diamond in the center of the ‘non-engagement’ ring speaks very well for the purpose: mysterious, mystical and quite unique”. 

Mystical.  Not exactly the word one might choose to describe the parade of skanks willing to not only sleep with a married athlete because he’s famous, but also participate in a contest to determine who is the best person to cheat on your wife with.  The pageant, arranged by Stern himself, is said to include “bikini” and “talent” portions.  Talent is a relative thing, and when it’s a competition that revolves around marital infidelity, one shudders to think what Stern will ask the contestants to do.  Aside from running to the tabloids the minute the story broke, that is.  Gotta cash in the Golden Ticket while it’s still valid, ladies!

I’m with Vegas on this one.  It won’t happen.  But it’s gotten Howard Stern the attention he desperately craves.  Mission accomplished, big guy.

We all felt kind of bad for Sienna Miller in 2005, when her fiancé, actor Jude Law, cheated on her with the nanny of his three children.  The (at the time) young starlet took her broken heart—and her platinum diamond engagement ring—into a string of short-lived relationships.  It seemed that she had dodged a bullet, getting away from the philandering Brit before they made their union legal.  And then we stopped feeling sorry for her when she started dating Balthazar Getty, a married father of four.  Reports said that he was ‘estranged’ from his wife.  Maybe she started to feel distant after she saw pictures of a topless Sienna Miller crawling all over her husband on a yacht in Italy. 

"Sienna, did you the rack on...wait, never mind."

In the meantime, Jude Law kept himself busy with actress Susan Hoecke, model Lily Cole, singer Norah Jones, heiress Kimberly Stewart, and some bartender/model/actress (and former nanny!) named Samantha Burke.  To increase his ordinarily-high sleaze factor, he knocked Burke up and she gave birth to his fourth child on September 22, 2009, although she was unable to tell him by phone, as he had already disconnected that number.  He finally got around to meeting his new baby daughter in late February of this year.  No wonder the ladies love him.  He’s chock-full of care and concern for others. 

And poor, sad Sienna, in her attempts to recover from the 2005 split from her reptilian ex, dated Hayden Christensen, James Franco, Josh Hartnett, P. Diddy, and Rhys Ifans.  While she and the uncomfortably gaunt Ifans were madly in love, they had a very public, ahem, encounter while on an international flight.  Despite their undying passion for one another, Ifans started to get suspicious of his lady love and she responded by dumping him over the phone from Prague. 

Having already torn through the celebrity and celebrity-wannabe phonebooks, Miller and Law reunited last fall at the urging of Jonny Lee Miller, who used to be married to husband-thief Angelina Jolie. 

Is this getting creepy, or is it just me?

Anyway, the couple reconciled, and earlier this month, Sienna resurrected the engagement ring she got from law five years ago, although she is not, evidently, wearing it on her wedding finger.  She is also going to move back to the US while Law is working on his new movie, the ironically-named Contagion.  Sienna, it seems, doesn’t want to let her boyfriend out of her sight for even two seconds, so she’s moving in with him.  Over the holidays, she agreed to vacation with Law and his first three kinds ONLY if he left the nanny at home.  Law dutifully sent his current nanny back to England.

Not that there are trust issues or anything.

So they’re back together, and I couldn’t imagine a couple more perfectly suited for one another.

Thank God for Jessica Simpson, or we would never learn anything about how difficult it is to be judged by one’s appearance.  That is, unless you exist on this planet, in which case you live with it every day.  But she’s one chesty blond who knows how hard it is to be rich, beautiful, and famous, and she wants to share her experience with us.  That poor thing, who scored an engagement ring from a pop star (Nick Lachey, while famous) at age 21, dated John Mayer while he still had credibility, and was thisclose to getting engaged to NFL star Tony Romo, is eager to delve into the true meaning of beauty.

"Can we get a burger after this?"

This whole project began after her career started to falter, she became known as the “curse” of the Dallas Cowboys, and she performed at a chili cook-off in those unflattering Mom Jeans.  At the time, she chose not to respond to the world-at-large as they commented on her obvious weight gain.  She finally appeared on Oprah on Wednesday and stated that she “didn’t want to feed into it”, using perhaps the poorest choice of words since, well, probably the thing she said five seconds earlier.  But she didn’t want to talk about that. 

She also didn’t want to talk about John Mayer’s recent remarks about her being “sexual napalm” and “crazy” in bed.  So she didn’t feed into that, either.  Until Oprah asked a question.  Then she said that she is “so disappointed in him”, and that “That’s not the John that [she] know[s]”.  She’s so embarrassed by everyone knowing that she is insatiable that she giggled and laughed while she talked about it. 

The real reason she was there was to plug her new reality show on VH1.  It was inspired by the Mom Jeans incident—which she didn’t want to talk about but was sure to mention that she only gained ten pounds and was a size 4—and became something that VH1 was proud to place among its other great programming like Rock of love: Tour Bus, Celebrity Fit Club 7, Celebrity Rehab 3, and RuPaul’s Drag Race.  Jessica took best friend CaCee Cobb and sylist/friend Ken Paves and brought them with her to Japan, Thailand, France, Brazil, Uganda, Morocco, and India to film The Price of Beauty.  When she went to Uganda, she learned that many brides were encouraged to gain as much weight as possible to be more attractive to their husbands.  While she was in Paris, she learned that fashion models are very skinny. 

And when she was in India, she learned how to sit and look like she was meditating in a full face of makeup, perfect hair, and pouty lips.  You know, just the real Indians do it. 

In case you’re curious, The Price of Beauty begins airing on March 15.  Tune in.  It should be a hoot.

The funniest moment out of the snooze-fest that is the Academy Awards show—which no one cares about once the red carpet is empty of celebrities—has been cut because of the very large, very fragile ego of a movie director.  Truthfully, we all know that awards shows are an excuse for women and gay men to get together and drink on a Sunday night.  Awards-related drinking games are played and there is ample discussion about how awful some actress’s gown is, but mostly everyone is in their own world, posting Facebook status updates, because they know that they can find out who won in five minutes on the internet Monday morning.  In an attempt to make the interminable broadcast interesting, they called the one man who was guaranteed to bring in the viewers: Sacha Baron Cohen.  I considered watching.

For some reason, producers think James Cameron might be offended.

Then—poof!—all of a sudden Cohen’s name disappears from the list of presenters.  He’s not even leaving London.  And it’s not because he suddenly became a diva and chose not to come.  It’s because the producers of the Oscars were afraid that Big Jimmy Cameron would have a meltdown over a parody of his multi-million dollar baby, Avatar.  Evidently, Cohen planned to appear onstage as a female Na’vi (that’s one of those tall blue folks from the movie) with Ben Stiller there to translate her speech.  It was to become clear that Stiller wasn’t translating properly, as Cohen’s character would get very upset.  Then Cohen would pull open his gown to reveal that his female Na’vi character was pregnant with James Cameron love child.  Then, all blue and gangly and knocked-up, ‘she’ would confront Cameron, Jerry Springer-style.

But alas, this year’s Oscars are bound to be as endless and dull as all the others.  Lacking even the patience to watch the parade of mostly-dull celebrities to see what the major ones are wearing, we can wait until Monday and tune into E! instead.  Odds are that Cohen has no plans to watch, either.  He’ll be at home with Isla Fisher and their baby, Olive, hatching a new plan to make people speculate about an upcoming wedding.  Fisher has been wearing an engagement ring for almost 6 years, and every few months there are new rumors.  Married or not, they’re having fun.

Not so for our megalomaniacal film director, who is up against his ex-wife once again in the Best Director category.  While he took the award at the Golden Globes, most people-who-speculate-about-these-thing are speculating that Kathryn Bigelow is likely to take the Academy Award for The Hurt Locker.  Tall blue aliens wrapped up in a predictable plot are a lot less likely to impress the members of the Academy.  With Cameron’s ego already on the line, he could well pitch a hissy-fit if confronted by the 6’3” in-your-face comedian, painted blue and pretending to carry his baby.  If there’s one thing Sacha Baron Cohen can do, it’s to throw himself into a character full-tilt.

So watch the Academy Awards, or don’t.  But if you do, prepare to be bored, as usual.

In a country that is so famous for its tiny clothes that it has a bikini wax named after it, Paris Hilton is still considered “too much”.  Hilton went to Brazil to film an ad for the new Devassa beer.  Evidently “devassa”, when translated from Portuguese with the most possible tact, means “naughty”.  So who better to call as a spokesmodel than the seldom-dressed heiress?  According to Brazil’s Secretariat for Women’s Affairs, the ad “devalues women—in particular, blond women”.   The odd part is that the black dress Hilton dons in the ad is much bigger than most of her clothes, and certainly bigger than the bikinis on women in TV ads for other beers.  But Eduardo Correia, spokesman for the private regulatory company Conar, said that, “The problem with the ad isn’t a lack of clothing, but its sensual nature.  A woman in a bikini on a beach isn’t necessarily sensual; it depends on context”. 

Why Would Anyone Object To Class Like This?

That’s Portuguese for “We want to be the only country whose airwaves are not clogged with vacant rich people who are famous for no good reason at all”.  I’ll bet they don’t even have a version of Survivor yet. 

Devassa’s “Bem Loura” (“Very Blond”) beer also uses Hilton in its advertising, and even goes so far as to have her in skimpy underwear and high heels—but that’s only an internet campaign, so Conar and the Secretariat for Women’s Affairs will have to quietly melt down over those.  If Conar decides that the ads are inappropriate, it can recommend that they be pulled from TV.  So far, in 23 years, not one of Conar’s recommendations has been ignored, so this doesn’t bode well for Devassa.  It is, however, fine for our Paris.  The check has, undoubtedly, already cleared.  Tinkerbell will always be well-supplied with diamond-studded dog collars.

In the meantime, Hilton continues to dodge rumors that she, herself, starts.  In a speech she gave at the Hearts for Hope benefit, she thanked her “future sister-in-law Casey”.  That’s boyfriend Doug Reinhardt’s sister.  Paris and Doug have been together for an unusually long time, and it has taken Reinhardt much longer to give Paris a gift to add to her collection of ostentatious, high-quality engagement rings.  By this point in most of Hilton’s relationships, they’ve already broken up.  Maybe they’re secretly engaged.  It seems unlikely, since nothing Paris Hilton ever does is kept quiet.  She was apparently feeling a bit needy at the event when she dropped the bomb that she has a ‘future sister-in-law’.  The tabloids didn’t disappoint.  They were filing stories before she even finished her high-pitched sentence. 

It isn’t unusual for American celebrities to star in ads overseas and make serious bank for their small efforts.  Hilton’s work in Rio came as no surprise.  Even legitimate, talented famous people can pick up a quick million for a day’s work.   A recent campaign had George Clooney selling espresso on billboards in Israel.  Now Paris, too, will be all over the Holy Land, advertising the Israeli Lottery.  The ad was filmed in New York, and promises that winner of the lottery will also get a shopping spree with Paris herself.  No word yet on whether that would happen in New York or Tel Aviv, although we can all make an educated guess.

Banned in Brazil but welcomed in Israel.  Who woulda thunk it?

Yes, we are.  We’re still talking about it.  Even after all of the mistresses have been counted and the Escalade has been repaired, it’s still one of the top searches on the internet.  But it’s old news, really.  It is so 2009.  It was okay for a week or so after he got caught and the names started coming out.  He apologized on his website…twice.  Then it was about Elin Woods going to an event without her engagement and wedding rings, and that was a big deal.  Then Tiger went off to no-sex camp for 45 days.

Okay, he's sorry. Now can we, as a culture, move on?

That should have been enough, no?

It wasn’t.  After he got out of his program, he was forced into apologizing again, this time including his sponsors in his speech.  The result was disastrous.  It was the least- convincing apology since John Rocker claimed to be “contrite” (a word he probably couldn’t even spell) for his racist, homophobic remarks in 2000.  Except Tiger probably really meant it, but was paraded onto a stage to again humble himself, and he didn’t look comfortable.  So he didn’t look genuine. 

He reiterated that he was deeply sorry, that he knew he let everyone and their second cousin down, and that he has “a lot to atone for”.  He praised his wife for her strength and begged the media to leave her and the kids alone. 

And as he read words that he clearly hadn’t written—but words he knew to be true—he looked and sounded as if he was going through the motions to get some of his millions of dollars in sponsorship back.  It’s too bad.  If no one had pushed him in front of that podium, he might have gone back onto the tour with some mild controversy, but everything would have gone back to normal soon enough.  Last Friday, he came off less likeable than he was before.  Not even Buddha could save him from that fiasco.

It couldn’t get worse, right?

Wrong.  In steps Howard Stern, with a $100,000 prize for the winner of a beauty pageant in which all contestants are (you guessed it) former mistresses of the golfer.  So far, four have agreed to participate.  An alleged seven have not responded.  And who is supplying the prize money?  AshleyMadison.com, a dating website for married people.  The website states that, “Life is Short, Have an Affair” as its motto.

Seriously, can we move on?  Evidently not, even if Stern relents.  Now several of the women who were with Tiger while he was married are demanding an apology, too.  No, really.  Women who knowingly and willingly slept with a famous married guy want him to say he’s sorry.  What, the movie roles not rolling in, ladies?

We get it.  A famous married athlete slept with someone not his wife. 

Now can someone tell me what the big deal is?

Curling has several things working in its favor during the 2010 Winter Olympics.  First and foremost, the Games are in Canada this year.  Canadians love their curling.  Second, the Canadian women’s team is getting crazy press because they’ve got a 5 ½ months-pregnant player on their team.  And then there’s the matter of Norway’s pants.  Those Norwegians have some crazy pants, and they’ve already proven that they aren’t embarrassed to wear them.  They should be, but, in a sport that 90% of the world doesn’t even know exists, they are unafraid to let their collective freak flag fly.  And, just in case the Americans were switching to reruns of Golden Girls whenever curling came on, Canada decided to call their ‘Skip’ (that’s Canadian for ‘Captain’) by the nickname ‘The Michael Jordan of Curling’.  Yeah, Americans have all heard of him.  That’ll get us to watch.

Do you need another reason to watch?

Does any of this add up to a wild American curiosity about something that more-or-less adds up to shuffleboard-on-ice?

Evidently so, because everyone is talking about it.  Mostly, they’re saying, “I don’t think I really understand curling”, but they’re watching while they try to figure it out. 

Curling is great for a whole bunch of reasons. 

 1. You can be really pregnant and still play, for example.  It isn’t a contact sport.  Some question whether or not it’s a sport at all.  Kristie Moore, the famous pregnant Olympic curler, came under fire for being the ‘most pregnant woman to compete in the Olympics’.  She and her boyfriend (actually, she’s been wearing an engagement ring for four years, but has made no plans to marry yet) decided to start a family before the possibility of playing in the Games came up.  When she was asked to be an alternate on the team, they were totally unfazed when she told them of the baby on the way.  Moore’s mother, a curler herself, was playing until a week before Kristie’s older brother Chad was born.  That’s how curlers roll, you see.

2. You can be about 100 and still play.  Since curling isn’t the most physically demanding of sports and lacks the kind of danger of skiing or snowboarding, players can play forever.  The ‘Skip’ of the Canadian women’s team is 43-year-old Cheryl Bernard.  The ‘Michael Jordan of curling’ is another 43-year-old Canadian, Kevin Martin, also known as “K-Mart” (I kid you not).  He can, evidently, ‘release his rock’ and ‘talk it all the way to the house’.  That’s how points are scored, with the ever-entertaining help of two teammates with “brooms” who furiously brush them on the ice to heat it and, thusly, help the “rock” towards its bullseye-like target.

3. With a “rock” consisting of 42 pounds of granite and a handle, it actually sounds like it might be strenuous to “throw” it.

4. You get to wear special shoes that enable you to both slide (if you’re ‘throwing’) or shuffle (if you’re “sweeping”).

5. Some of the “brooms” look just like brooms.  Some look more like whiteboard erasers on the end of a stick.  And they are personalized not only per team, but also by the individual player.

6. The sport was created 500 years ago in Scotland, when it got too cold to play golf, which leads us to:

7. Three words: Norwegian Curling Pants.

8. 90 minutes into the game, they stop to have a nosh.  The Chinese women brought strawberries yesterday.  The Swiss chose melon.  Some make time for some nice hot tea.

Curling is the second most popular sport in Canada—after hockey, of course.  And why shouldn’t it be (aside from the notion that most of us hadn’t heard of it until those crazy Norwegians took to the ice in red, white, and blue diamond-print pants)?  One would think it would be popular with South Florida residents, many of whom wear loud trousers and funny hats to play the warm-weather version, called ‘shuffleboard’.  The thing is, curling has been around for 500 years, and no one ever talked about it until the 2010 Winter Olympics.  It was a secret that the Canadians have been keeping from its neighbors to the south all this time.

It would’ve been okay if they kept it a little bit longer.

Our beloved scandal-ridden, sex-tape-making, nude-photo-posing, same-sex-marriage-hating, lawsuit-filing, out-of-court-settling ex-Miss California has found herself an appropriate opposite-sex mate.  The 22-year-old Carrie Prejean began dating 28-year-old St. Louis Ram Kyle Boller last July, in the middle of the controversy that made us aware of who she is.  Despite—and possibly because of—her fortuitously-discovered sex tapes and topless photos—the conservative Quarterback was interested in the Aryan poster-child.  And now, after only 7 months of dating, it seems that Kyle has given Carrie an engagement ring.

A Man and a Woman Intend to Marry Each Other.

Having taken time out of her busy bigotry-spreading and book-selling schedule, Prejean has fallen in love.  And just to clarify: she is engaged to a man, a member of the opposite sex, someone with different anatomy.  We don’t want to forget, any more than we want to forget her visit with Larry King in November, in which she refused to discuss anything relating to the controversy of which she had been a part.  She wanted to talk about her book, why Sarah Palin is her hero, how the liberal media persecute conservative women, her book, and her book.  Evidently, the former beauty queen didn’t realize what the show is about, and was unprepared to field any questions unless the answers could begin with, “In my book, Still Standing, I talk about…”.  

She also refused to take calls.  When a caller from Detroit, a gay man who loves pageants (imagine such a thing!), asked Prejean if she had any recommendations for his wedding.  She took off her microphone and threatened to walk off.  She had, after all, already told Larry King several times that he was “being very inappropriate” for asking why she settled her lawsuit against the Miss America Pageant.  How dare he ask questions in an, um, interview?

In her favor, Prejean, having been well-trained by undoubtedly some of the finest pageant coaches in the world (most of whom are men who date other men), didn’t lose her cool.  She kept smiling and saying, “Larry, you’re being very inappropriate”, and explaining, after putting her microphone back on, that her publicist had arranged it so she wouldn’t have to take any called-in questions. 

Despite all of her difficulties, Kyle has stood by Carrie, and now plans to make her his bride.  They got engaged in Prejean’s hometown of San Diego, where Boller owns a home and spends time during the off-season.  Our best of luck to the couple, who will probably get married in “her country” where everyone thinks just like her—or not at all.

Miami, FL – Everyone in the country is gearing up for tonight and Super Bowl XLIV.  It’s the biggest of the biggest football games, the clash of the titans (sit down, Tennessee, we ain’t talking about you), the World Championship game.  It is about the best of the best playing against each other for the title.  New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.  Drew Brees against Peyton Manning.  Some are calling this the greatest matchup ever.

One of Them Is Playing in the Super Bowl Today. The Other, Everyone Will Be Watching.

But that’s not what is getting press.  Sure, some sportswriters are focusing on the actual game, the talent of the teams, the matchup overall.  But most of the headlines, blog posts, articles, and water-cooler chat are revolving around something else.

The generous tuchis of Kim Kardashian.  Yeah, it’s Super Bowl Sunday.  The beers are chilling, the potato chips and cold cut platters have been picked up, and the two best football teams in the country are getting ready to play each other.  But what we want to know is: what will Kim Kardashian be wearing?

Sadly, it wasn’t hard to find the answer to that question.  Kim is superstitious, so she won’t be wearing a Saints jersey.  Perhaps she learned her lesson watching Jessica Simpson go from ‘good luck charm’ to ‘large-chested distraction’ after wearing her cute pink “Romo” jersey to just one Cowboys game.  Kim will be wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and boots, and will go with the Saints’ black-and-gold theme, but will not have the name “Bush” across her back.  If the rumors are true, she’ll also be wearing an engagement ring if the Saints win the Super Bowl. 

Vacuous former Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson already married herself an NFL player, and is looking forward to running out on the field if the Colts win the game.  Of course, she probably shouldn’t move too fast, as she doesn’t want to actually beat her second-string husband into any celebration.   Her child with back-up Cornerback Hank Baskett, Hank, Jr. will be wearing a little “Baskett” jersey, and Kendra will be in a custom Colts jersey that says “Mrs. Baskett”.  Ick. 

So we can keep up with the Kardashians and watch Kendra all in one sitting.  It’s not about two athletic teams: it’s a competition of Reality Show Famous-for-No-Reason Celebrities.  That’s not even taking into consideration that Brad Pitt and little Maddox left New Orleans for Miami yesterday to root on their Saints.  This is a Super Bowl that is already star-studded, and everyone is talking about it.

With all the world craning their necks toward the skyboxes to see how tight Kim’s jeans are or to find Brad and Maddox, one wonders if anyone will be paying attention to the action on the field.  It should be a great game.  Too bad almost no one will see it.

In an interesting twist, it seems that young Jesus Luz initiated the breakup with older-than-his-mom lady love Madonna.  We all assumed that he would ride the Madonna fame train for as long as he could, and she would continue to drink from his fountain of youth at least until he turned 25.  But no.  Jesus was ready to move on.  He’s already booking modeling jobs and has made a name for himself by being attractive.  Dating Madonna got him in the door, certainly, and now that he’s there, he’s ready to troll for some fresh meat himself.

The Price of Fame.

It’s not like we ever thought they’d get married.  First, Madonna has said that she’s rather get hit by a train than wed again.  Second, she would have to buy herself a suitable engagement ring, since Jesus still isn’t making the necessary bank to appropriately adorn the ever-aging finger of Madge.

Madonna must have flipped out when she was dumped by a guy she made famous.  She has a history of liking to control things.  But it seems that she couldn’t keep her claws in some 28 years younger.  Those young ‘uns got speed.  It has been reported that Jesus split from Madonna because of their busy work schedules.  His is only busy because Madonna took him from roaming the streets of Rio to walking the catwalks of New York, Milan, and Paris.  There were also indications that he had some difficulty with the age difference.  Sources said that he couldn’t imagine a long-term relationship with her.  Small wonder.  When he’s 30, she’ll be 58.  When he’s ready to settle down and have kids, she’ll be collecting her AARP benefits and social security checks.

Madonna, of course, also “leaked” a statement through a friend that she was growing weary of the relationship, that they had run out of things to talk about, that they had nothing in common but Kabbalah.  Um, duh.  Did they have anything to talk about in the beginning?  Their relationship seemed to primarily consist of:

“Hi, you’re hot and young.”

“Hi, you’re rich and famous.”

What then?  A long discussion about his ever-growing prowess at Guitar Hero?  An in-depth conversation about her painfully rigid diet and exercise regime?

They lasted a year.  So Madonna and Jesus did perform a miracle. 

Now Jesus can begin dating supermodels and Madonna can get back on her treadmill, and life will return to normal, without all the Jesus humor.  Now that’s sad.