Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

But has she seen the cover of his new album?

Kanye West has done a few things over the past week to draw more attention to himself.  It has, after all, been so long since his soul-stirring, profanity-laced performance at the VMAs.  He appeared on Ellen making an entrance that people naturally called ‘the greatest entrance of all time’ through a trap door on the studio steps.  He appeared humble and talked about the time he took after his 2009 VMA fiasco when he went to Japan to avoid the paparazzi, and then returned to the US, moving to Hawaii instead of going back to LA right away.  But what was that blinding light from his mouth?  Certainly not words of wisdom.  He had all of his bottom teeth replaced with diamonds and white gold.  It’s not a grill, like most rap artists choose to wear and have the option to remove.  It’s not even the bonded diamonds a la Lil Wayne (although Weezy thought it wise to have those removed before he went off to prison on a gun possession charge).  Not for Kanye West.  His bottom teeth are a thing of the past, and now there are diamonds where once there were pearly whites.  He thought it was a “rock star” thing to do.  While it may seem silly, those cutting edges will probably making eating corn on the cob a snap now.  Like a rock star.

He so eloquent.

Kanye West also released a new album.  In his effort to stay under the radar and avoid controversy, he named it “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”.  The cover art features a drawing of a werewolf-like Kanye bearing his teeth while being straddled by a naked creature with the body of a woman, the wings of a dove, and the tail of a Dalmatian.  Several retailers are refusing to sell the album because of the cover.  Again, West took his outrage to Twitter, writing, “Banned in the USA!!!  They don’t want me chilling on the couch with my phoenix!”  While we have to commend Kanye for using spell-check for the first time, his grasp of mythology is predictably lacking.  Being blackballed from Wal-Mart is a good thing for his album sales, and he knows it.  His entire career has fed on controversy.  While he found that getting hammered on Hennessey and attacking a 19 year-old at an awards show was pushing it too far, he still knows that talent alone will not get him the metric tons of attention he requires for daily survival.  Controversial cover art is not a new idea, so West is not blazing any trails here.  But he does have something to tweet about, and that’s what really matters.

Kanye loves his conflict, but he needs to keep it legal.  If he ends up in jail with those teeth, there’s only one possible outcome, and it involves him becoming someone’s girlfriend.

It’s official.  Mel Gibson has been confirmed as having a cameo in the upcoming sequel Hangover 2.  Now everyone’s favorite anti-Semitic, misogynistic alcoholic can have his dreamy blue eyes appear on the big screen again.  How did this happen?  The original movie was about fun-loving guys getting into trouble in Las Vegas, but it was relatively harmless trouble, and of the kind that women’s groups didn’t have to rally against.  Not exactly the sort of thing Mel has been known for lately.  Considering his most recent fame resulted from expletive-laced rants to the mother of his child, he seems an unlikely choice for a role in anything that doesn’t involve an orange jumpsuit and a PSA.

Mel Gibson: Living His Dream

After being dropped by the William Morris Agency in the wake of his legal issues involving ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, and even as the Los Angeles District Attorney debates whether or not he will be charged, he still managed to score a part in a film that was set to become one of the most popular sophomoric franchises in movie history.  People loved The Hangover.  There were questions about casting Mike Tyson in the original, but it appeared to do some good for his public image.  Gibson is undoubtedly hoping that this will do the same for him.  He will not play himself, as Tyson did, but will play an over-the-top tattoo artist in Thailand as the boys go there on a predictably wild vacation.  It seems that the wounds might be a little too fresh in Gibson’s case, especially with charges still pending, but someone at Warner Bros. seems to think that this is a great idea.  Gibson’s people have already begun their smear campaign against his ex, claiming that her request for more child support must only be for “diamond diapers”.  Perhaps the script is weak and they hope that a controversial cameo by a violent drunk will drive people to the theaters.  For many of us, they could clone Bradley Cooper hundreds of times and have him appear shirtless in every scene, and it still wouldn’t make it worth the 9 bucks for a ticket.

The most inexplicable aspect of this whole deal is the person who has chosen to speak out in defense of Mel Gibson.  And no, this time it isn’t his ex-wife, who is clearly still under some kind of binding clause from the divorce that made her trade her soul for millions and millions of dollars.  It is Jodie Foster.  And of all the places she chose to speak out in favor of the man who referred to a female police officer as “sugart**s”, it was at ELLE magazine’s 17^th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute.  Why, Jodie, why?  She called him “an undeniably gifted actor” and “a true and loyal friend”.  The only possible reason is that he recently starred in a yet-to-be-released movie with her and maybe she wants to get it some good press.  She has a lot to lose, as she is also the film’s director.  But the name of the movie is (wish I was kidding) The Beaver.

We can only hope for Jodie Foster’s sake that Gibson didn’t use that particular word in any of the voicemails he left for his ex.

It isn’t unusual for athletes and celebrities to branch out and use their popularity to sell merchandise.  It begins with endorses other people’s products, but then they begin hiring people to develop their own products.  Britney Spears and Mariah Carey, among countless others, have their own perfumes.  Paris Hilton also has energy drinks bearing her name.  50 Cent has his own Vitamin Water.  JWoww from Jersey Shore is developing a new line of hair extensions to match her classy club-wear.  In the breakfast cereal biz, it started with Wheaties putting famous athletes on the front of the box.  At the height of their popularity, Bill & Ted had their own semi-nutritious way to start your day.  And then Chad Ochocinco, receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals had his people create Ochocincos, which is basically Honey Nut Cheerios under a new name.  It was a good idea in theory, but he probably would have been better off being known as the guy who bought his Dancing with the Stars partner an extravagant diamond necklace and matching ring.  Not because his breakfast cereal is any worse than the many others, but because of an unfortunate typo on the box bearing his burly frame holding up the Os on either end of his name.

Offering more than just a healthy breakfast.

He deserves some credit for using his fame to promote a good cause, which is, in this case, Feed the Children.  In an effort to raise money for the charity, the toll-free number to donate was supposed to be printed on the box.  That number is (888) HELP-FTC.  Unfortunately, due to a typographical error, (800) HELP-FTC was put there instead.  Evidently, the letters associated with 435-7382 must also spell something pretty disgusting.  When a 9 year-old girl dialed the number, instead of hearing a prompt for donations to Feed the Children, she heard a sexy voice offering to “do anything you want”.  We can assume that pressing “1” would not direct her to the nearest donation center.  We can also guess that the 9 year-old was not interested in hearing “whatever it takes to pleasure you”.  Just a guess.  Prior to the discovery, Ochocinco took to Twitter to tell his followers that they should “order my cereal OCHOCINCOS.  Start your day with a lil suga!!”  This was clearly not the “suga” he planned on hawking to the masses.

Fortunately, a few helpful citizens, after reading of the mistake, called the number to see what it was about.  It did not, evidently, disappoint.  A few other upstanding members of the community took to the internet to see what those numbers can possibly spell besides “HELP-FTC”.  The answers were disturbing.  The only lingering question is how a phone-sex line could be a toll-free number.  I thought those were all 900 numbers which would charge outrageous fees to find out what this young lady and her “ultra-hot girlfriends” were capable of doing.  It takes a great deal of self-restraint to not find out the answer to that.  The easy way out was to check Ochocinco’s Twitter page, which was full of apologies.  He is, after all, known to be a good guy, and he was trying to do a good thing.  And he’s an athlete, not a copywriter.  Someone else dropped the ball (no pun intended) on this one.  It was small type on the back of the box.

But can someone, anyone, please tell me how he could let it slide that the giant name of the cereal reads “Ochocinco’s”? That is so wrong.

It was heartbreaking over the years to watch the struggles of young Natalie Green.  She was the chubby girl forced into jolliness despite watching all of her friends start dating while she stayed with Mrs. Garrett and baked cookies.  But we tuned in, without fail, to watch The Facts of Life week after week, even after the girls graduated, went to college, and met a young, dorky, mullet-wearing George Clooney after they opened a shop that sold useless junk. But it was bright, colorful useless junk, and we all wanted that giant inflatable palm tree.  But I digress.  Natalie—that is, actress Mindy Cohn—eventually moved on shortly before Blair Warner was due to receive her first Medicare card.  Were we to play Six Degrees of Separation, we’d assume that Mindy met Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie through George Clooney.  We’d be wrong.  Somehow Mindy became close with B-list actor and brother of Saint Angie, James Haven.  He’s the brother that Angelina tongue-kissed in that revolting awards show display.  Through James, she met Angelina, and through Angelina, she met Brad.

The unlikely friends are apparently so close that Mindy Cohn has been named godmother to twins Knox and Vivienne. (As an aside here, I must add: “You’re 44 years-old.  Mindy?  I think it’s time for a grown-up name.”)  She does have that sort of motherly vibe, although apparently has no children of her own.  I guess that doesn’t matter when your BFFs are bearing more fruit than the state of Florida.  So Mindy has the godmother honors in case something tragic happens while St. Angie does her saintly things.  (Again, an aside: I’d love to be able to hate this woman, but seeing her watch part of the Charles Taylor trial at The Hague made me respect her.  Curses, foiled again!)  As a thank you, the Jolie-Pitts have flown Mindy all over creation to spend time with their economy-sized family.  Most recently, they gave her a diamond ring that is some ridiculous 5-or-6-carat piece that she proudly wears.  Most women would clothesline their own grandmothers to get a diamond from Brad Pitt, but Mindy remains as nonchalant as a person can while dragging a rock that size around.

"I took the good. I took the bad. Now I just get a consolation prize?"

Diamonds are an interesting choice, if one refers back to the whole Charles Taylor trial.  He is, after all, accused of (among crimes against humanity, use of child labor and the such) trading diamonds for weapons in the mass genocide of Sierra Leone.  Is Angelina putting her politics aside to give Mindy such an extravagant gift?  It seems, well, hypocritical.  But how does one with limitless wealth reward the godmother of her children?  It seems that a Smart Car would be a good choice, but in all its eco-friendliness, it is unlikely to accommodate a woman of Mindy Cohn’s size.  Perhaps mounting one of those in a platinum setting?  It wouldn’t be much smaller that a 6-carat diamond, after all.  But, again, I digress.

So Mindy Cohn didn’t get to marry Brad Pitt and bear his children.  She does, however, get to play her eternal role as jovial sidekick to the Beautiful People.  At least she’s had practice.

Michael Vick was as surprised as anyone to find out that he would, once again, be filling in for injured Philadelphia Eagles QB Kevin Kolb on Sunday.  Now, while Kolb resists the temptation to beat his head against the wall (he’s got a concussion, for those not in the know), Vick is proving what many of us already knew: he kicks a**.  After taking over for Kolb in the second half of the season opener, he ran for 103 yards—leading the team in rushing—and threw for 175, including a touchdown.  Despite his performance, Eagles head coach Andy Reid stands by Kolb as starting quarterback.  And why?  Because 3 years ago, Vick was charged with participating in an interstate dog fighting ring.  After pleading guilty to federal charged, he served 21 months in prison and an additional two in home confinement.   He has since spoken out against animal abuse and done everything that he can do to improve himself.

Should I repeat the part where he served his time?  Isn’t the goal of punishment to teach offenders a lesson?  As for his argument that dog fighting was a part of his upbringing and it is cultural, animal rights groups and haters alike all claimed that he was making excuses.  Spend a few months working at any SPCA in the South and anyone can see that it is, in fact, something that many underprivileged folks get into.  But that’s not the point.  He served his time.  He lost endorsement deals and his NFL contract, and was completely ostracized.  Perhaps if he were only caught sleeping with a baker’s dozen of women he wasn’t married to, he would have been given only a slap on the wrist and suffered embarrassment.

But he came back.  Against all odds and the wishes of screaming masses, he came back to the NFL with his head held high.  And last Sunday, he threw for 291 yards (including 3 touchdowns), completed 17 of 31 passes with no interceptions, and rushed for an additional touchdown.  Next week, the Eagles take on the Washington Redskins.  The story there could easily be about the division rivalry or former Eagles QB Donovan McNabb starting for Washington now.  But thanks to the big mouth of a fella named Albert Haynesworth, we should have something else to talk about.

Haynesworth takes a stand against slave treatment, and, evidently, diet cola.

The two-time All-Pro defensive tackle seems to have his nose out of joint a bit because he was recently told that the ‘Skins would be switching to a 3-4 defense and he would be moved to nose tackle.  During a tirade on radio 106.7 The Fan, the normally media-unfriendly giant spoke about his ‘need’ to take a stand.  He decided to forgo the normal off-season conditioning practices and skipped a mandatory minicamp.  Because of all of this, he was unable to pass necessary conditioning tests that would enable him to play.  This is after a $21 million bonus check cleared on April 1.  His argument?  That he is nobody’s slave.

The argument is supposed to carry weight with us because Haynesworth is black.  His knowledge of the general treatment of actual slaves seems to be a bit on the fuzzy side, because no slave I’ve ever heard of has a $100 million contract and diamonds the size of dinner plates on his earlobes.  “Just because somebody pay [sic] you money don’t [sic] mean they’ll make you do whatever they want or whatever,” he explained.  “I mean, does that mean everything is for sale?”  He went on to lament that, “I’m not for sale.  Yeah, I signed the contract and got paid a lot of money, but…that don’t [sic] mean I’m for sale or a slave or whatever.”  Well, I hate to tell you this, big guy, but yes, it does.  If a normal person who is not, say, 6’6” and 350lbs, signs a contract with Microsoft to do a specific task, that person is expected to deliver, or she is in violation of that contract.  If a copywriter signs a non-compete contract, agreeing not to write about companies in the same industry, then he not only negates the contract but risks financial repercussions as well.  It’s called a job.  And those people are probably not raking in dollar amounts well above the GNP of most countries.

But let’s all busy ourselves with talking about Michael Vick—who is doing his job, and doing it well.  That makes much more sense.

It’s all about social media these days.  What began as a way to connect to people has turned into big business.  Now companies have pages on Facebook, MySpace, and a few other sites like Friendster that may or may not exist anymore.  Bands create pages to make their music even more accessible to the masses.  A person can get discounts on items if they become fans of particular Facebook pages.  We text instead of talking, we find mates on websites, and we buy things without leaving the house.  Because of “social media”, everything is popularized and made available online.  We can get updates from our favorite authors, musicians, and celebrities daily.  Do I expect to get a personal message from Chuck Liddell by becoming his Facebook friend?  Well, no.  But a person can buy everything from books to computers to diamonds and engagement rings—often at dramatically reduced prices—by becoming “friends” with companies.  Where MySpace has been eclipsed by Facebook, so is Facebook quickly playing second fiddle to Twitter.  But suddenly we find ourselves being virtually assaulted and given viruses via the internet.

Big Brother in 140 characters or less.

And it makes headlines, especially when a gaping hole in security is found by a 17 year-old Australian kid who just wanted to see if he could do it.  The precocious Pearce Delphin decided to send out a bit of JavaScript code that would cause a pop-up ad to appear when someone moused over it.  “I did it merely to see if it could be done,” he told AFP via email (of course), “that JavaScript really could be executed within a tweet”.  Well, not only did it work, but hackers found it brilliant and used it to send millions of people to various websites, including Japanese porn sites.  It also was used to create something called “worm tweets” that replicated every time they were read.  Twitter was suddenly overwhelmed with random redirection and endless tweets from other accounts.  The glitch wasn’t only used for pranks and porn.  More malicious hackers were able to create code that allowed them access to Twitter users’ personal information.

And suddenly we all feel a little more vulnerable, afraid that everything from our real birth years to credit card and banking information is being accessed by cyber-creeps.  And those of us who still rock it old-school and prefer talking on the phone to texting are still left exposed to attack because we wanted to be among the first to know when Soundgarden released their tour dates.

The one thing that kept us mildly protected was Twitter’s allowed tweet length.  According to the mischievous teenager, “The problem was being able to write the code that can steal usernames and passwords while still remaining under Twitter’s 140-character tweet limit”.  Given enough time, hackers could certainly figure it out.  Twitter, however, jumped on the problem and had the bug fixed within five hours, but not before even White House press secretary Robert Gibbs found his account bombarded with unwanted code.  While Delphin didn’t do anything that is technically (pun intended) illegal, he did prove that no system is foolproof.

It certainly isn’t causing very many people to panic and close their accounts to Twitter, Facebook, or any other of our favorite social media, but it does kinda make you think, no?

I’m going to call my mom.  On the phone.  Using a landline.  But while we’re talking, I’ll be checking to see what my friends overseas are up to without leaving the comfort of my own home.  I, like everyone else, can’t go back to what life was like before AOL got me hooked.

Of course there’s nothing quite like a celebrity wedding.  Other celebrities attend, there’s lots of media coverage, the engagement rings make every magazine and website to showcase their sheer hugeness, and so on.  And, let’s be honest, there are more televised weddings than ever before.  Understandable when it was Prince Charles and Princess Di; it was significant, and it was on news channels.  But now everyone’s gotta go and make a reality show out of their weddings.  Why?  None of the people whose weddings people will tune in to watch need the money.  When Bethenny Frankel signed on for Bethenny’s Getting Married, Tori Spelling had hers, and now, tragically, Carmelo Anthony and La La Vasquez have premiered their show La La’s Full Court Wedding.  Evidently, the more-than $14.4 million dollars Anthony will earn this year doesn’t cover the expense of a fantasy wedding.  Or, perhaps, La La was a bit bummed that her star has been steadily fading since she stopped being an MTV VJ.

The happy couple, ready for their close-up.

But oh, Carmelo, why could you not just be content with the fame you have reached by being an outstanding small forward?  Were you just playing along so your new bride could show the world how important she still is?  In interviews, it is La La who does most of the talking, telling us about hanging out with Ciara, Kelly Rowland, and Tyrese Gibson prior to the wedding.  She goes on to explain that we should celebrate the already 7-year relationship that the couple has shared, and the 3 year-old son that took part in the nuptials.  She laments the difficulty in planning such a large-scale affair, although she had—as all people with money to burn do—a full-time wedding planner.

And then the reason for the show becomes quite a bit clearer.  It seems that Vasquez is trying to jump start an acting career.  She is already co-starring in The Gun with 50 Cent and Val Kilmer, and is producing a few reality shows with Russell Simmons.  But she’s got her eye on some new fame of her own.  After all, most people watch Lakers games to see what actors and musicians are in the crowd.  Should the Denver Nuggets not have the same privilege?

Not only did the normal celebrity-related media cover the wedding, but ESPN also had some representatives.  After all, there were a number of famous athletes there, like LeBron James, Lamar Odom, Amare Stoudemire, and, of course, Kim Kardashian.

Lady Gaga has a new album coming out entitled “Born This Way”.  We can pretty much guess what the content will be like, with heavy dance beats and interesting lyrics, but the singer has nonetheless told the media that it will “[tick] people off”.  Really, Ms. Meat Dress?  Are we to be surprised that you may have recorded some things that some people might think is not quite mainstream?  Truthfully, she has said that it is not the subject matter that will upset people, but rather the hit-after-hit nature of her work.  “My fans have related to me as a human being and as a non-human being—as the superhuman person that I truly am”.  Modesty is not an emotion that her ladyship is feeling at this time.  She has, in fact, earned her ego, winning award after award and fearlessly standing up for causes that are close to her heart, with gay rights at the forefront of those beliefs.

Afraid of controversy? Not so much.

Lady Gaga was first embraced by the gay community for her dance tracks and love for all people, regardless of their sexual orientation.  Then, as her popularity increased and her songs were played on Top 40 stations around the world, she found herself receiving accolades for more than her politics and ability to find producers who can lay down hot beats.  “Bad Romance” and “Poker Face” were international hits.  And despite her taste for bizarre fashion and generally unacceptable behavior, even naysayers couldn’t deny that the girls got pipes.  If the words didn’t get you, her voice did.  The crazy chick has talent.  This became obvious when established artists clamored to work with her.  When she recorded “Telephone” with Beyonce, creating a music video that many outlets wouldn’t play because of violent content, the pair still reached the top of the charts.  When the R&B powerhouse turned 29 on September 4, Gaga sent her a gift of a leather whip studded with diamonds.  Apparently, upon receiving her birthday present, Beyonce “squealed” because she was so pleased.

The new album promises more number one singles, including the title track.  “Born This Way” is not only about Lady Gaga’s own peculiar lifestyle, but is also a dedication to the gay, lesbian, and trans-gendered community.  “I knew I had an ability to change the world,” she told RWD magazine, “when I started to receive letters from fans: ‘You changed my life’, ‘I’m gay and my parents threw me out’”.  These are people who have found solace in the unflagging support of the singer.  At this year’s VMAs, Gaga showed up with three guests, all former military personnel who were either kicked out of the service or leaving willingly for refusing to comply with the antiquated “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy that has been in place since 1993.  The mandate is currently under review, and we can be sure that Lady Gaga will continue to speak out against any kind of regulations that prevent openly-gay Americans from serving in the Armed Forces.  “Born This Way” is a musical affirmation of her belief.

As for her gigantic ego, she has said, “Everyone tells me I’m arrogant, but music is the only thing I’ve got, so you’ll have to let me be confident about one thing”.  She appears to confident about a few other things, as well, showing up at a Major League Baseball game in little more than underwear, ripped stockings and a baseball jersey.  The New York Yankees were not amused, particularly when she was shown on the jumbotron giving the “one-finger salute”.  She routinely performs wearing very little clothing, and she really does have the body for it, but still.  And the culmination of her body confidence showed itself again when she accepted a Video Music Award wearing a minidress made entirely of beef. She was standing next to Cher, who donned the fishnet-and-electrical-tape outfit from the late-80s video for “If I Could Turn Back Time”, and she still managed to be the one grabbing headlines.  The original scantily clad gay icon stood next to Gaga and managed to look modest in comparison.  It’s difficult to compete with a woman who finds fashion at a butcher shop.  While PETA was not amused, the rest of the world was.

Bring it on, PETA.  You’re just adding fuel to the fire, and all that will accomplish will be a headlining singer wearing a medium-well dress to next year’s awards.

Irritated into submission after the last few months, Reggie Bush decided to give back his Heisman Trophy.  Evidently, the NCAA decided that 5 years later is as good a time as any to punish a guy who worked his tail off to become one of the greatest running backs that USC ever had.  And, of course, any 20 year-old kid should know better than to accept money to buy his loving family a beautiful home, right?  Certainly, most boys that age would be wary of anyone offering cash, since every athlete has a full working knowledge of NCAA guidelines that may or may not affect them in the future.  Right?  Would it not make more sense to simply punish USC and the sports agent who admitted to giving almost $300,000 in gifts to Bush?  Well, they did that, but not before the agent, Lloyd Lake, decided to sue the now-millionaire for repayment while agreeing to cooperate with NCAA in a frantic effort to save his own tail.

"Okay, now can we talk about, you know, football?"

In July, incoming USC president Max Nikias said that all murals and jerseys the school has been displaying in Bush’s honor would be taken down, and that the school would also return their copy of the trophy as well.  Although Bush has not specifically admitted to any wrongdoing, he agreed to return the trophy so he can get on with his career, saying that, “The persistent media speculation regarding allegations dating back to my years at USC has been both painful and distracting”.  He also stated that he would spend the rest of his career proving that he was, despite everything, worthy of the award that was granted to him in a landslide vote over Vince Young.  Young even posted on Twitter that, “Reg will continue to be the 2005 award recipient and I will continue to be honored to have been on the 2005 Heisman campaign with such a talented athlete”.   The question has never been about Reggie Bush’s talent or whether or not he deserved the Heisman that year.  It is about compliance with NCAA rules.  It’s a dangerous can of worms to open, however, since college athletes have had lavish gifts handed to them for as long as there has been competition to keep them playing and happy.  1972 winner Johnny Rodgers noted that OJ Simpson got to keep his trophy.  But, since the NCAA does not specifically say that murder is against their policies, they never threatened to sanction him or the school for which he played.

Reggie Bush would probably gladly go back to the time when the media focused on him because he was expected to give Kim Kardashian an engagement ring, which she would not have to return under any circumstances.  Eventually, maybe he will get some press for being one of the greatest running backs the New Orleans Saints have ever had.  It would be nice to see him getting attention for something good and, yes, newsworthy.

This all comes in the same year that Congress is using a similar time machine to go after former Major League pitcher Roger Clemens, who they are claiming lied in congressional hearing regarding use of performance-enhancing drugs.  Will Clemens have to return any of his five Cy Young awards?  Congress, like the NCAA, should try to stay in the present and deal with things that are happening now.

Like that will ever happen.

The Pope is going out on the road again, and has scheduled to preside over masses in various parts of the UK, including Birmingham, London, and Glasgow.  Entrance to the mass is free, of course, but a £5- 25 “donation” is recommended, and admittance will not be given without the suggested monetary contribution.  Despite the relatively small offering to cover costs of travel and accommodations, it seems that the Pope is simply not selling out the way he used to.  Spokespeople for the Vatican have said that “administrative problems” have been the cause of lowered expected attendance, but others have suggested that it is the scandals that have plagued the Church that are creating the less-than-stellar response.  Perhaps if His Holiness added a little extra bling to his already-giant gold cross, adding a chain of diamonds or an iced-out watch to complement the traditional Papal ring, he could draw a more enthusiastic, younger crowd.

Bringing His Holiness into Popular Culture.

Short of that, when Pope Benedict XVI announced his plans to tour, a musical group called Ooberfuse recorded a track in his honor.  The British band wrote the song “Heart’s Cry” in his honor, sampling from a few of his speeches and stating, “No rest ‘till all creation knows Thy sway”.  While their motivation seems to come from a place of faith, they have also created a music video to promote the single, which is available now on iTunes for a mere £1.99.  The peace-promoting video includes footage of His Holiness saying that, “Hatred will never reign in the hearts of men again”.   Who knows where hatred reigns in the hearts of women, once might ask.  Nonetheless, Bishops of the Organising Committee have designated the song as the official “youth anthem of the Papal visit”.  Hal, one of the three members of Ooberfuse, has told the press that, “I think this is the first time in history a reigning Pontiff has embraced the forms of popular culture to advance the Christian message of love and hope”.

This is almost true, although in February of this year the Vatican newspaper released a list of the Holy See’s Top 10 Rock and Pop Albums of all time.  Making the cut at that time were The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Oasis, U2, and Michael Jackson, among others.  It seems, in light of certain heavily-spotlighted events, that the Pontifex Maximus would have wanted to distance himself and his church as far away from Michael Jackson as possible, but, evidently, the papacy has a soft spot for rocking out to songs from the “Thriller” LP.

This trip to the UK will feature an all-new, high-tech Popemobile for His Holiness to ride around in during his visit.  The modified Mercedes-Benz M-Class “green petrol” SUV has been built with a special, bulletproof enclosure into which the Pontiff can be raised while touring.  Should the Father Confessor decide he wants to see what this latest Popemobile can do, he will find that it is designed to reach up to 160mph.  That baby is as suited for the Autobahn as it is to cruise at an expected 10mph as the Pope travels to his appearances.  One can hope that the tepid response to his visit is due to the aforementioned administrative problems, or, perhaps, the down economy.  Maybe the hip hop single and pimped-out ride can help to offset what is looking to be a disappointing trip.

If not, the “youth anthem” is still climbing the charts, and, clearly, someone up there is watching out for the kids of Ooberfuse, who are making some serious bank while they spread their message.