Some People Are More Qualified to Run for Office than Others
For the record, I think Wyclef Jean is a great candidate for President of Haiti. He meets all of the constitutional requirements, he has always been proud of his homeland, he has been fundraising for the poverty-stricken country for as long as he’s been famous, and he’s willing to take on the Herculean task of running a nation that suffered a horrendous earthquake that took an estimated 230,000 lives and has rendered the country politically and economically devastated. So he would get my vote. This is one case in which celebrity status can be an asset to keeping attention on rebuilding.
Tennesseans: This year, be sure to bring Bud Light when you vote!
But then there are these folks who are running for offices in the United States, people I wouldn’t allow in my own home—much less any governors’ mansions. First, there is the campaign by Kristin Davis, the madam who supplied former Governor Eliot Spitzer with prostitutes while he was in office. Perhaps she is trying to change her image from disgraced ex-con madam to disgraceful ex-con New York politician. She is running on a platform of legalizing prostitution and marijuana, stating that taxing them will close the state’s budget gap. She is also in favor of gay marriage, much to the dismay of most gay people who would rather not have her name attached to their cause. Davis is a smart woman who went from hedge funds to prostitution because she compared the numbers and realized she could make more than her six-figure income by supplying women to high-profile politicians, athletes, and celebrities. She isn’t yet officially on the ballot, however, so she might have to rely on write-ins and, possibly, returning to selling herself in the financial sector the legal—yet no less reprehensible—way. Spitzer resigned before he could be impeached, and is said to be in couple’s therapy with his wife, who probably should have hocked her engagement ring while it could have still gotten scandal-worthy top-dollar.
And then we have the incomprehensible Republican gubernatorial candidate, Basil Marceaux Dot Com. This good ol’ boy is running for office in Tennessee, and he pledges to all of those who vote for him that he will “immune you from all state crimes for the rest of your life!” That was all in bold, capital letters on his website, by the way. In his most recent campaign ad, he tells us, “Put me in the Capitol [pause] so I can [pause] do my issues”. To go along with his nearly unintelligible speech, there were bullet points. This is so we can better understand why he wants to “plant vegitation [sic]” in vacant lots so ethanol will somehow be created that he will be able to sell or trade for money and gas. I paraphrase this after taking several viewings myself to understand (I still don’t). He also vows to “stop traffic stops”, no doubt endearing him to the many NASCAR fans in his constituency. Plans also include to “make the flag fly right”. The thing is, you almost want to love this guy because he is who he is. He doesn’t pretend to be the many things that other political candidates declare of themselves: educated, bright, media savvy, or qualified. He is, one might say, no John Kennedy.
Election day should be a hoot this year.