It’s kinda hard to feel sorry for Tiger Woods, but most celebrity sex scandals pass very quickly.  Of course, this one reached somewhat legendary proportions, with 14+ extramarital playmates coming forward and releasing all kinds of evidence to the media for their own financial gain.  Soon-to-be ex-wife Elin Nordegren went back and forth on the divorce issue after the story first broke, and sightings of her with or without her wedding ring on were immediately photographed and published.  Now the divorce is a definite, and it looks like $100 million and the ability to move the kids to Sweden are in the settlement.  It’s not like a reconciliation was ever a real possibility, not with mistresses coming out of the woodwork like cockroaches when the lights go down in Chinatown.

Tiger Woods Isn't Cashing In, but Rachel Uchitel Is.

Tiger Woods Isn't Cashing In, but Rachel Uchitel Is.

Tiger clearly let the whole thing affect his game, which took him from phenom to human in just a few tournaments.  His recent tirade of f-bombs at the British Open was caught by cameras and let out for the whole world to see.  He has a lot to be swearing about, but doing so in front of the media doesn’t make him any more lovable to his fans and, in particular, any company that might consider him for endorsements.  Curses on those “morals clauses”.

The first mistress to gain notoriety for her affair with the golfer, Rachel Uchitel, is still cashing in, and with the approval of a most unexpected benefactor: Donald Trump.  The real estate mogul evidently personally called Uchitel to offer her an, ahem, position on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.   According to TMZ, a spokesperson for The Donald said, “We called Uchitel and asked if she was going to take the offer — and she said, ‘Absolutely.’ We’re pretty confident she’ll excel in business — since she’s already proved she can handle the load.” Poor choice of words, yes, but nonetheless true.  That was three weeks ago, and, according to reports, still plans to join the cast.  One can only imagine what her charity of choice will be.  There must be some 501(c)3 that donates money to disgraced mistresses of famous people.

Now, we have learned that she is also joining the cast of yet another reality TV show.  As we know, reality television is the logical next step for a person of no discernible skills who has been thrust into the public eye for one salacious reason or another.  So off to Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew she goes.  For what addiction, we don’t know, but that doesn’t really matter.  What would truly drive her into massive withdrawal symptoms would be lack of media attention.  She will join a cast of other addicts that includes alleged-abductee Jeremy London, former supermodel Janice Dickinson, former child star Leif Garrett, former reality TV star Jason Wahler, and some people no one has heard of.

So far, Trump has not commented on this latest development, although he did chastise Khloe Kardashian in another season of his show for once getting a DUI, firing her for it.  Since job opportunities for Uchitel beyond reality TV are somewhat limited, she really needs both of the shows to keep her in expensive shoes and custom-made trashy lingerie.  Although she escaped the affair with then-married David Boreanaz relatively unscathed, the Tiger Woods scandal has her marked for life, and she needs to make bank on it while she can.

The outlook for Tiger Woods is not good, but, again, it is still virtually impossible to see his name without first thinking of the scandal.  His stock has plummeted, but he can continue to play golf professionally, and he has another $500 million or so—even after the divorce—to keep him warm at night.  That, and the freedom to have as many women as he wants.

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