Signs of the Apocalypse: Troy Aikman Dancing and Steven Tyler on AI
It would not be accurate to say that all of the contestants on Dancing with the Stars have been light on their feet. One might say that some of them have been downright awful (ahem, Kate Gosselin). But if Troy Aikman was truthful in blabbing to TMZ that he will appear on next season’s competition, we can brace ourselves for an all new level of elephantine clumping. Sure, some football players have done a pretty good job on the show, something you might expect from a running back or a wide receiver. They make their livings using footwork to catch balls thrown by hulking masses known as quarterbacks. The NFL doesn’t sign quarterbacks for their ability to run any more than Major League Baseball signs pitchers for their ability to hit home runs.
Stick to what you know, Big Guy. Please.
The day after Aikman made his surprising announcement, he backpedaled—even better, I might add, than he ever did on the field—joking that it would interrupt his schedule with American Idol. It is likely that he changed his tune because ABC doesn’t like to reveal the casting of upcoming seasons until they can do it their way. One might argue that Aikman would be better qualified to judge potential singers on American Idol that he is to dance anywhere, ever. Not all the Ochocinco-style diamond rings and diamond necklaces distributed to the judges daily, under cover of darkness, will win him the competition. It’ll be fun to watch, though.
As for American Idol, Troy Aikman is just about the only person not rumored to become a judge next season. With Ellen DeGeneres bowing out and Simon Cowell finally ready to move on, speculation about the potential replacements has ranged from the ridiculous to the even more ridiculous. Jessica Simpson was the first name thrown to the wolves, the Elton John, Harry Connick Jr., Justin Timberlake, and even Howard Stern. Sean “Diddy” Combs apparently expressed interest in taking time out of his busy ego-massaging schedule to join the panel. Now it appears that Jennifer Lopez is actually signed on as a new judge. And the most disturbing rumor, particularly if it comes true, is that Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has been approached to be on the show.
Really, Steven? Please let this be a joke. While it would be entertaining to see him as a guest judge on the show, it would be just embarrassing for this to actually become a full-time gig for him. American Idol is pop culture at it worst (maybe a close second to Dancing with the Stars, but still), and he is The Man. He was rock and roll even when it wasn’t cool, and he continues to be, no matter how old he gets. He’s a legend. He can still rock out with the best of ‘em, and millions upon millions of fans were ecstatic when Aerosmith announced their current tour. Seeing him sitting next to Randy Jackson and J. Lo would be degrading, at best. Counter-culture, Steven, please.
The new seasons of Dancing with the Stars and American Idol promise lots and lots of pre-season controversy. Let’s hope that’s all it is.