Justin Bieber, who appears to have supplanted the Jonas Brothers as the puppy love poster boy, has decided to branch out a bit from his normal routine of singing to pre-teens and shaping his hair. It appeared that he was joining the ranks of not-so-innocent celebrities Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Khloe Kardashian, tweeting out a picture of him wearing the prison-orange jumpsuit with the caption “I told you I was a BAD MANâ€. Two things wrong with that statement. He is, at age 16, far from being a man; and he is not actually going to a real jail. The only crime he has ever really committed is against the environment as he brazenly abuses hairspray. The picture is from his role as a troubled teen on the season premiere of CSI September 28, as the long-running series hopes to draw in a new demographic.
Adult women, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
CSI has really been running on fumes for a while now, driving away William Petersen (although there are rumors of his return) and Gary Dourdan, who played the thinking person’s dream man Warrick Brown. Evidently, it is no longer the thinking person who interests the creators of CSI. It is the underoos-tossing, poster-smooching mob of teenage girls who follow The Biebs everywhere he goes.
This is a boy who has somehow drawn such a following that Kim Kardashian received death threats when she tweeted that she had developed a condition known as “Bieber Feverâ€. The threats were not, however, taken seriously, as the people sending them are suburban girls with little access to firearms. Plus, Kim is rarely seen without some kind of NFL player by her side. The police were not called. It seems, however, that adult women are also creepily drawn to the young Canadian. His baby face and age-appropriate style of dress do not act as a deterrent, but actually seems to draw women to him. The only way he upgraded his fashion was by replacing the dog tags on a regular chain with dog tags on a chain of diamonds. He debuted that style at the 23rd Annual Kids Choice Awards.
So the squeaky-clean young man has taken on an acting coach and accepted an edgy role on an adult-oriented TV series, although the episodes in which he costars will undoubtedly cause an epidemic of tween girls asking to stay up past their normal bedtimes to watch their little idol. He has appeared Chelsea Lately, a show that absolutely never has content appropriate for the boy or his fan base, and he flirted with the 36 year-old host. Singer Katy Perry, who is inexplicably attracted to and marrying the also-interesting tresses of British comedian Russell Brand, has professed her attraction to Bieber. She posted a picture of herself with The Biebs, stating, “Told you I would tap that. Yummyâ€.
Yuck.
For those of us who fail to see the charm of Justin Bieber and have not actually ever bothered to watch him sing, all of this is nothing short of mystifying. His hair is strange, and he has a girly way of shaking his head to ensure that it is always properly arranged. And he’s 16. And he’s everywhere. When the photo of him in his prison jumpsuit hit the internet, there was a glimmer of hope that maybe we wouldn’t be bombarded with his image for a few months—or at least until he reached puberty.
No such luck. Look for him on primetime television. Those of use without pedophilic tendencies will be rearranging our sock drawers or, perhaps, reading books.