Last September, Johnny Depp put fear into the hearts of fans when he hinted that he would not reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow for the already-written Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. This would have put an end to the multi-million dollar franchise. It would have been a merciful way to end the series of films, which have grown progressively tedious. The only really good reason to watch the sequels is Depp’s portrayal of the bawdy, drunken sailor. He’s not a stupid man, that Johnny Depp, and he likes to have fun. He doesn’t do these films because he needs the $35 million salary. He can already buy and sell the fountain of youth fifty times over, if he happens upon it in the 2011 film. One has to think that he does this because he likes to turn into Captain Jack, and his kids think it’s funny.
Blake Lively Offers Two More Reasons to See the Green Lantern.
At this year’s Comic-Con, an annual collection of uber-nerds seeking autographs from their favorite fictional characters, Captain Jack made a video appearance to confirm three things: Pirates 4 is a go, Penelope Cruz will still be in it, and he would very much like a bloody mary. Cruz, recently in the news for privately exchanging wedding rings with Javier Bardem in the Bahamas, will be playing the role of Blackbeard’s daughter Angelica. She seeks out the help of Jack Sparrow to find the Fountain of Youth, and uses her feminine wiles to convince him to help her find the magical elixir that can keep her father alive. Cruz was a no-show at Comic-Con, but the teaser sent by Depp guarantees that the boys will come a-runnin’ to next year’s event with the high hope of seeing her in some kind of tight corset as dictated by her role.
Drooling goobers were not to be disappointed, however, at Cruz’s absence, since Angelina Jolie inexplicably showed up to promote her non-comic book movie Salt. Jolie is always welcome at Comic-Con for two reasons: she played the character of Lara Croft from Tomb Raider several years ago, and drooling goobers always welcome an opportunity to look at her and possibly get her to sign their fluid-stained movie posters.
Actress Blake Lively, who co-stars in The Green Lantern as Ryan Reynolds’ love interest, also gave geeks a show, guaranteeing that more than just fans of the comic book hero will see the film. She came to the panel wearing a very low-cut dress. Suddenly, meeting the Green Lantern seemed a lot less exciting to fans as Lively put on a light show of her own.
For those who attended the party for Tron: Legacy, they were not only treated an amazing, futuristic event featuring the blasting music of Daft Punk and an overt display of product placement by Coke Zero. They also got to see an enticing array of waitresses in skimpy dresses and a glowing woman in a skin-tight bodysuit.
If there’s anything we can learn from this year’s Comic-Con, it is this: virgin boys from around the globe will always show up if you guarantee them an opportunity to see scantily-clad, unattainable women. It’s what the comic industry is built on.