Lady Gaga, the woman who made Alexander McQueen designs seem rational and wearable, is now defending the 10-minute saga that is her video for “Telephone”. Evidently, certain groups have deemed it ‘raunchy’, and are claiming that it is not suitable for all audiences. Since when has Lady Gaga been suitable for any audience? This is a woman who goes out of her way to shock us every time she walks out the door, and it gets more and more difficult. This time, she teams up with squeaky-clean singer Beyonce, who clearly felt that she hadn’t been getting enough attention lately. What better way to get back in music news than teaming up with the walking freak show that is Gaga (and I mean “freak show” in the best possible way)?
Lady Gaga Gets Kid-Friendly For Wonder Bread Meetings.
After announcing that her record “The Fame” went Diamond—indicating 10,000,000 albums sold—the Lady went out wearing an outfit from the video and a very attractive headpiece/mask in the shape of an enormous lobster. A lobster covered in diamonds. Really. She teamed her ensemble with the world’s creepiest rubber chicken-foot bracelet thingy.
Realizing that there was free money to be had there, her ex-boyfriend, Rob Fusari, decided to go for a bite of the Gaga pie by filing a $30.5 million lawsuit, claiming that he not only came up with her stage name (are you saying Lady Gaga isn’t it?) but also co-wrote the number one hits “Just Dance” and “Poker Face”, among others. Gaga’s camp has called the allegations “ludicrous”. She has always credited him with coming up with her new name, saying that she loved it so much that she never wanted to be called by her given name, Stefani, ever again. But she will not give him credit for writing the inspired lyrics for “Just Dance” or any other songs. And she certainly has no intention of cutting off a $30.5 million slice for her hungry ex.
But back to the video for “Telephone”. It is bizarre on so many levels that it seems odd that conservative groups were able to pinpoint only a few specific “unacceptable” things. They chose swearing, two women kissing each other, and pretending to kill people as the most offensive parts of the video. Have these people never watched primetime television? It was, certainly, a bit surprising to hear Beyonce use the f-bomb and pretend to poison Tyrese Gibson, navigating their way from behind the wheel of the well-known vehicle originally commandeered by Beatrix Kiddo from the offensive hospital orderly in Kill Bill Part One (if you don’t remember the name, you’ll have to look it up).
What was most disturbing about “Telephone” was not language or homosexuality or nearly-naked prison dancing. It was product placement. Prominent in a kitchen scene, very clearly shown, were Wonder Bread and Miracle Whip. Ordinarily, companies pay for product placement. Apple computers mastered the art. Somehow, however, it is difficult to imagine the advertising people from these white-as-white-can-be companies calling Lady Gaga and asking to be featured in her next law-breaking, homoerotic, profanity-filled ten-minute dance video saga.
And if they DID call, she would have to respond with: “stop telephonin’ me-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh”.