“The Real Housewives of New York” Returns, And They’re All Still Nuts
This Thursday marks the return of the Real Housewives of New York. Somehow, all of the same annoying rich women will be whining about how difficult it is to be rich. They must have all gotten the raises they wanted, because Ramona, Jill, Alex, Luann, Kelly, and Bethenny have all signed on again and filmed. They are joined by two others, Sonja Morgan and Jennifer Gilbert. The word is that, by the end of the season, everyone pretty much hates everyone else, which works out, since we all pretty much hate them already.
It seems that the newest wives aren't allowed to be photographed yet.
Evidently, Bethenny, riding high on the success of her Skinnygirl Margaritas and her book (or is it books); her pregnancy; and most importantly, her 8-carat diamond engagement ring, alienates even die-hard friend Jill Zarin. Last season, they were constantly joined at the accents, with Bethenny’s voice only slightly less annoying. They remained friends even through the fur-flying smackdown that was the reunion show. But now, Bethenny’s got a man who is so whipped that he spends the summer driving her around the Hamptons in a branded Skinnygirl Margarita Volkswagen convertible. You can bet that he carries her purse for her whenever she wants, too. Now she’s also got another deal with Bravo for her own show, called “Bethenny’s Getting Married?”
To make sure she was still getting attention, Kelly Bensimon posed naked for Playboy. Alex and Simon are still, apparently, just over the moon about each other, no matter how disgusting it is to other people. Ramona and Jill are still just being Ramona and Jill. There isn’t much to say about them, since neither is particularly interesting unless interacting with one of the others and characteristically starting a fight.
Countess Luann—who revels in being “privileged”—went through a divorce, but still gets to keep her title. This works out well now that she’s decided to make a career of being the new maven of etiquette. Her book “Class with the Countess” wouldn’t exactly have flown off the shelves if it was called “Class with Luann”, which brings to mind wife-beater tank tops and banjos. She decided to supplement her income by (God I wish I was kidding) recording an etiquette-related dance track called “ Money Can’t Buy Class”. How delighted she must be to forever be known as She Who Walked in the Wig-Wearing Footsteps of Kim Zolciak.
Speaking of Kim Zolciak, by the way, she has pulled a Lohan and switched teams to date DJ Tracy Young. Without Big Papa to finance her blond wigs, ghetto nails, and ostentatious diamond jewelry, she almost had to (the horror!) get a job. That is, until she found song lyrics written by her 9-year old and recorded “Tardy to the Party”, which, for some inexplicable reason, became popular, particularly at the numerous Kim Zolciak Drag Queen Lookalike pageants that she inspired. That has brought the chain-smoking, wine-guzzling Atlantan enough revenue to keep her afloat for a while. Hopefully, her kid will keep writing, or she’ll have to dump her girlfriend in favor of someone who makes some serious bank.
Why two new women chose to jump into the fray will forever be a mystery. As will the reason that we keep tuning in to New York, Orange County, New Jersey, Atlanta, and whatever the new city will be. These women are the car crash we can’t take our eyes off of. Bless their hearts for making the rest of us look so easygoing and altruistic. Tune in Thursday.