Obama Reforms Health Care, Admits Tickling
Barack Obama tickled someone. The President has admitted to the media that he has, indeed, tickled. He did not say, “Tickling was done”, but admitted outright that he tickled, and that his victim was male, no less. To top it off, this tickling resulted in the ticklee breaking his arm. Tickling and violence? The President? So why isn’t Fox News jumping all over the President for this indiscretion when he just passed his Health Care Bill a day ago? Where is the right-wing uproar over Barack Obama’s inability to control his urges to tickle others?
President Obama utilizes a tickle-avoidance technique.
After all, when Congressman Eric Massa of New York (but born in Charleston, South Carolina—yet another feather in the cap of good ol’ SC) was accused of the same kind of conduct with several younger male staff members, it was all OVER the news. Finally, a Democrat had committed sexual misconduct worthy of mockery. And how did Massa respond? By accusing White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel of confronting him for not supporting the President’s health care reform, and going so far as to poke the Congressman in the chest. Emanuel was, by the way, naked at the time, with his little Chief of Staff in full view. Of course, they were in a locker room. And Emanuel had just finished showering. But Massa had to try something to take the heat off of him and put it on “Au Naturel” Emanuel. Nice try.
But back to Tickle Me Obama. What was he thinking? Is that the way the President of the United States should behave?
Absolutely not!
Of course, he was about 10 years-old at the time, and he and his friend were riding a bike together. This was when Obama lived in Indonesia. In an interview with Indonesian media, Putra Nababan of RCTI asked him if he remembered breaking someone’s arm. Obama admitted that he did, in fact, do so, but that it was an accident. Evidently, he tickled his friend from behind, and the bike fell, throwing both of the kids off. The friend broke his arm, and Obama said that he was traumatized by the whole thing. Nababan had already spoken to Obama’s old friend, and knew of the alleged tickling.
“He said you tickled him,” Nababan told the President, armed with actual quotes from the victim.
Obama indicated his remorse, and asked that Nababan pass his apologies along. “I felt so bad,” said the President. “I remember feeling terrible.”
Having read the new health care legislation carefully, one has to wonder:
Where is the No-Tickling Law? It is clearly proven that tickling directly results in injury to others.
The President, however, has changed his ways. Although he has not claimed to be a non-tickler, and has not undergone Tickling Avoidance Therapy, he is able to control his urges. He now is able to focus his perverse behavior on one person: the woman he gave an engagement ring to in 1991, and is still married to after all this time. Now only Michelle Obama is at risk of an Executive Tickle Assault.
She is the luckiest woman alive.