Johnny Weir, after failing to achieve an Olympic medal in Vancouver, was slated to appear in the traveling fab-o-rama that is Stars on Ice. Then, all of a sudden, a report was released stating that the sponsors of the show felt the figure skater lacks “family-friendly values”, and would not be participating. As soon as GLAAD heard about, they freaked. They told everyone. Soon, Stars on Ice spokespeople were backpedaling like Ferris Bueller trying to get the mileage on Cameron’s father’s Porsche to go down, and with equal success. They released a statement that sexual orientation was not an issue, and they simply didn’t have room for him.
"Lady Gaga, call on line 1! Lady Gaga, line 1!"
Considering he’s the only thing—aside from the near-pornographic brother/sister team from wherever—that we remember about Olympic figure skating this year, it would seem that the financially intelligent thing to do would be to get that adorable little fairy on board. Instead, they have decided to go with the unbridled machismo that is Evan Lysacek. And some guy named Jeremy Abbott.
Who cares? The only true showman this year was Weir, medal or no. At least we remember when he took the ice. The only reason we have any recollection of Lysacek is because he was interviewed about Weir’s less-than-testosterone-fueled mannerisms. Lysacek—who relies on the presence of Weir to make himself look virile in comparison—was nonetheless critical of the skater who proudly wears diamonds and furs.
Weir didn’t criticize anybody. Not the Olympic Committee, not the bigwigs at Stars on Ice. He was disappointed that he wouldn’t be participating in the only US figure skating tour, but goes on to add, “Maybe right now, just artistically and creatively, I’d love to have my own show and my own tour and involve some big musical acts, like maybe getting Lady Gaga”, thereby uttering perhaps the gayest sentence ever spoken.
And, addressing the incessant use of the word ‘flamboyant’ to describe him, he said, “I don’t like to look at boundaries as far as sexuality is concerned. I don’t like to look at things based on a person’s sexuality. Anytime you get men in glitter, it’s a flamboyant occasion”.
You can’t argue with his logic. It’s not like figure skating attracts many blue-jeans-and-flannel-shirts types. Those guys play hockey. Maybe they skate in pairs competitions. But a skintight catsuit, makeup, and glitter do not a manly man make. As a rule, that is. I’d hate to make sweeping generalizations about every male figure skater.
It might qualify me to judge the winter Olympics.