It isn’t a skit from David Letterman, or a scene from High Fidelity. It sounds like it, and maybe it should be, but it’s not. The Pontiff released his list of Top 10 Rock albums in Sunday’s official Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano, despite the Holy See’s previous censure of rock music as “the devil’s work”. Although it is clear that “The times, they are a-changin’”, Bob Dylan didn’t make the list. The guy who wrote “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” didn’t make the papal cut. In the article, Giuseppe Fiorentino and Gaetano Vallini explain that Dylan was left out of the Holy Father’s CD collection because he blazed the trail for untalented singers and songwriters who have “harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners” with their sad stories. Ouch.
I bet Dylan’s glad to be Jewish now.
Sometimes, even He must put His hands in the air, and wave 'em like he jus' don't care.
It seems a rather odd move for the Pontifex Maximus, known more for his—you know—holiness than his taste in music, to even contemplate the differences between different popular music acts. Surely there are things to be blessed and Dan Brown books to denounce. On the other hand, this is a man who likes to wear giant gold crosses encrusted with diamonds and emeralds, and favors large man-rings. An ear for modern music was sure to come. I guess.
The albums that made the list are, to say the least, baffling. The Beatles’ Revolver is, undoubtedly, one of the greatest rock albums of all time, but, considering that many of the songs were either a direct or indirect result of LSD experimentation, it is surprising that the Holy See would embrace it. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon also made the cut. Evidently, its original title, Dark Side of the Moon: A Piece for Assorted Lunatics, remains unknown to His Holiness. Either that, or he, too, was mourning the loss of Syd Barrett to drug-addled insanity. Speaking of which, David Crosby made the list with If Only I Could Remember My Name, and Fleetwood Mac with Rumours.
How Michael Jackson’s Thriller got the spiritual nod, we may never understand. According to the article, “Some songs seem to have been written yesterday…while others still send shivers down the spine for their illuminating simplicity and musical thrust”. On one hand, it seems that the Father Confessor wouldn’t listen to pop music. On the other hand, Michael Jackson and Catholic priests do have several things in common. U2’s Achtung, Baby makes sense because there is a common thread of sanctimony.
Also making the list were Donald Fagen’s The Nightfly, Paul Simon’s Graceland, and Carlos Santana’s Supernatural. Those can all get by without question. The Pontiff has some ‘splainin’ to do about putting Oasis’ (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? On there. Just having the word “glory in the title doesn’t make it Pope-worthy.
The Vatican stated that any of these albums would be perfect music for anyone marooned on a desert island. Bob Dylan would probably disagree. Or, most likely, laugh his unholy behind off.