Kevin Smith Is Still Fat, And We’re Still Talking About It.
By now, everyone and her second cousin has heard about actor/director/writer/creator-of-hilarity Kevin Smith getting unceremoniously booted off of Southwest Airlines flight for being “too fat”. His justified Twitter tirade about the embarrassment of getting thrown out of his seat after everyone on the plane already recognized him as “Silent Bob” was hilarious, if not a little sad. After admitting to being “way fat”, he also pointed out that he was seated with the armrests down and his seatbelt fastened. Apparently Southwest chose that day to exercise some extraordinarily stringent—and seldom used—policies regarding passenger heft, because I’ve been wedged between the aisle and a person who required a seatbelt extender and decided to muffin-top herself over the arm rests, rendering me unable to move in any direction for hours. Smith Twittered jokes about being “airlifted” out of the plane under the supervision of Richard Simmons. He made the best of a potentially-embarrassing situation.
"I'm sorry. You want to pick a fight with WHO now?"
Evidently, Southwest claims that they boarded Smith as a standby passenger before realizing that they had someone of even greater circumference but had purchased two seats to accommodate the excess flesh. That was thoughtful for a person who requires that much room. The logic was lost on the folks at Southwest, who offered a weak apology and an explanation that made no sense. Claiming that the people around him reported a need to lean away from his girth, Smith pointed out that they were already leaning when he got on the plane. One woman was ready to nap against the window, and the other was leaning towards the aisle. Duh. That’s the way people sit on a plane. As far away from neighboring passengers without actually moving. I mean, they’re strangers. Who leans towards a stranger on a plane, unless it’s a creepy guy who’s had a few too many vodka/tonics?
So now Kevin Smith—who has said that he is done arguing with Southwest because they make no sense—has issued them a challenge. Continuing his contact with the airline via Twitter, he wrote, “you bring the same row of seats to the DailyShow [sic], and I’ll sit in ‘em for all to see on TV”. He went on to say, “If I don’t fit, I’ll donate 10K to charity of your choice”. He went on a bit more after that as well. He’s mad.
This is a guy who dated Joey Lauren Adams, who was the indie sex goddess of the 90s. This is the same “too fat” guy who slipped a wedding ring onto the finger of actress Jennifer Schwalbach, a 5’10” babe who has been in Playboy, in 1999 and has kept her happy since. This is also the comic genius who created Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, not to mention the positively ingenious Dogma (among other films) and has written comic books and even a novel. This is not the guy you want to get into a war of words with. Southwest Airlines just poked a cobra with a stick.
If Southwest submits to Smith’s challenge, bringing the offending row of seats onto the set of Jon Stewart’s Daily Show, then a most wonderful and telling event will naturally occur: Kevin Smith will have to fly to New York.
I’m not sure who he’ll fly, but I’ve got an idea who it won’t be.