Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

The divorce between Hulk Hogan and wife Linda has been ugly, to say the least.  It finalized in 2008 for all the world to see on “Brooke Knows Best”, the reality show that followed “Hogan Knows Best”.  Evidently, Hogan didn’t know best, as he married a toe-headed bimbo who is now dating someone only 1 year older than her daughter.  The Hulk has been dating Jennifer McDaniel, a carbon copy of Linda (only taller), and has given her the second of engagement rings in his life (not bad, considering the marriage rates of the average professional wrestler).  She was seen wearing a huge diamond ring on her engagement finger last week.  Hulk proudly announced to a friend: “That could be the new Mrs. Hogan”.

Hulk Hogan, Girlfriend, and Daughter. Not Sure Which Is Which...

First, he has a few things that are bothering him about his divorce from his first wife, the least of which is her ongoing relationship with someone who was just recently able to legally purchase alcohol.  Evidently, when Linda moved out, she took a few things that Hogan considers precious and irreplaceable.  Among the items “stripped” from his home are, allegedly, a tanning bed (this keeps his leathery wrestler skin in sharp contrast to what is left of his white-blonde hair), chandeliers (which reflect light beautifully off of same), bathtubs (to soak his body, which grows tired after long days hosting “American Gladiators” and entertaining his own significantly-younger significant other), and, most importantly, “the wooden antique toilet seat from the guest house.”

After all, what is a man without his antique toilet seat?

Hulk Hogan (real name: Terry Bollea) claims that Linda pillaged the house to make it impossible to sell.  With the Florida mansion still hanging in the balance, they cannot fully put the relationship behind them, and Hogan is, obviously, anxious to do so.  Having gotten the approval of his new girlfriend from daughter Brooke and son Nick, he wants to begin a life with her.  He believes that Linda is trying to make this impossible by holding on to items that are his, and by leaving their former shared home a disaster.

Maybe Linda is jealous because her barely-legal boyfriend Charlie hasn’t earned enough on his paper route to buy her an engagement ring.  Maybe because her own children think her relationship is creepy and gross.  Or maybe she’s just a gold-digger.

Hopefully, the Hulkster is able to see the humor in the whole ‘toilet seat issue’.  But he wants it back.  After all, it is an antique.

Best of luck to Hulk Hogan and his impending nuptials, and may he and Jennifer live a long, happy life together.  The three of them: Hulk, Jennifer, and their toilet seat.

Really, Hulk?

Thanks to a bit of controversy, this season of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” has gotten more media attention than any of Paris Hilton’s many engagement rings.  More media attention than Jon Gosselin giving Ed Hardy a bad name.  More attention than the desperate-to-stay-famous babydaddy of Sarah Palin’s granddaughter (almost) showing his Johnston to the world.  After MTV billed the show as having the “hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos” who “keep their hair high, their muscles juiced and their fists pumping all summer long”, the firestorm began.

Sorry, But If You Pose Like This, You're A Guido.

Italian-American service organization UNICO National immediately got their collective panties in a twist over the show, stating that it “relies on crude stereotypes and highlights cursing, bad behavior and violence in depicting renters at a New Jersey beach house”.  When the young men on the show proclaimed their pride over being ‘Guidos’, UNICO persisted, with President Andre DiMino responding that, “No ethnic group should be treated this way.  Just because these young people refer to each other this way [as 'Guidos'] doesn’t make it proper.”

The Marketing department at MTV probably sent UNICO National a basket of mini-muffins and a selection of flavored coffees for this.

Just as “The Sopranos” represented only a small percentage of Italian-Americans (criminals, lovable criminals), and just as “Growing Up Gotti” represented only an even smaller percentage of Italian-Americans (the spoiled spawn of Mafia Don John Gotti), so does “Jersey Shore” represent only a small group (guys proud to be ‘Guidos’).

Did the powerful Jewish Lobby rally against “Shalom in the Home”, in which fame-hungry Rabbi Smuley Boteach claims to solve all family problems within 30 minutes?  Did NOW seek blood when skanky women willingly vied for the love of hip-hop troll Flavor Flav on “Flavor of Love”…three times?  People choose to go on these shows, seeking fame and fortune by making fools of themselves on television. 

If there was an advocacy group for idiots, then they would have every reason to jump into the fray, but those folks can’t seem to organize.

Viewers tune in to “Jersey Shore” not to see proud heritage shown in a favorable light.  They tune in to see a bunch of walking stereotypes spike their hair, iron their wife-beater tank tops, drop f-bombs, and hunt for specific Guido-seeking Italian-American women in bars. 

Cast member Mike Sorriento eloquently explains: “I just happen to be 100 percent Italian, I happen to be in very good shape and my hair happens to be spiky,” he told MTV. “It’s not necessarily a stereotype; it’s just how it is. In New York and New Jersey, that just happens to be the style.”

Had UNICO National not responded, “Jersey Shore”, season 8 (or whatever) would have passed by our collective consciousness virtually unnoticed.  But now, legions of folks who have read about the controversy will tune in to see how a proud ‘Guido’ behaves.

And they’ll love it.

The Holiday Season is a time of giving.  Last year at this time, we were all reading about the Salvation Army bell ringer who received a diamond ring as a donation.  Evidently, the young man who gave it had used money he earned mowing lawns to buy the ring for his mother.  After she died, he said he wanted someone to put it to good use.  Naturally, handing it over to the Salvation Army was his first instinct.  They planned to have it appraised, as the ring’s value was unknown.

This year, a Goodwill store in Marietta, Ohio received a much more interesting donation.  When an employee opened what appeared to be a water cooler, he found four large baggies filled with marijuana.  Inexplicably, he brought it to the attention of his supervisors, who called the police.  They estimate that the pound of pot is worth about $1500, but that depends on where you sell it. 

"I Gotta Remember To Tell The Kids About That Place In Marietta..."

Police Captain Jeff Waite went on the news and announced that he was trying to find the donor, saying that, “If anybody would like to come in and claim this cooler, which is probably an antique, we would love to have them come in and we’ll be more than happy to try and get that cooler returned to them”. 

Is Captain Waite hoping that morons will actually respond to this?  If someone did, indeed, donate the cooler, filled to the rim with wacky tabacky, are they stupid enough to walk into PD and say, “Dude, where’s my weed?”

Well, maybe.  It has been a week, however, and the anonymous donor has chosen to remain so.  That could be an antique water cooler from the Titanic and used by Chuck Norris as a trophy stand, and no one is going to claim it.  It could be gold-plated and filled with diamonds, and it will remain in police custody.

It takes a naïve lawman to think that some guy will walk in and ask for his stash back. 

If the cooler itself is such a precious antique, shouldn’t the police give it back to Goodwill to sell and then do whatever it is that they do with confiscated drugs?  Goodwill can sell this heirloom rusty metal water jug at their Marietta branch, right?

Not if Captain Waite has anything to say about it.  He’s still hoping someone out there is desperate enough to walk up to a cop and request the return of his Maui Wowie.  Keep holding your breath, there, chief.

Right now, somewhere in Southeastern Ohio, someone’s Grandpa is tearing the shed apart for his “glaucoma medication”, or maybe some kids are gonna be totally bummed when they go to watch next year’s Civil War re-enactment. 

A reporter on WSAZ said that the contributed cannabis appeared to be “more than a year old and probably donated by accident”.

Ya think?