The Holiday Season is a time of giving. Last year at this time, we were all reading about the Salvation Army bell ringer who received a diamond ring as a donation. Evidently, the young man who gave it had used money he earned mowing lawns to buy the ring for his mother. After she died, he said he wanted someone to put it to good use. Naturally, handing it over to the Salvation Army was his first instinct. They planned to have it appraised, as the ring’s value was unknown.
This year, a Goodwill store in Marietta, Ohio received a much more interesting donation. When an employee opened what appeared to be a water cooler, he found four large baggies filled with marijuana. Inexplicably, he brought it to the attention of his supervisors, who called the police. They estimate that the pound of pot is worth about $1500, but that depends on where you sell it.
"I Gotta Remember To Tell The Kids About That Place In Marietta..."
Police Captain Jeff Waite went on the news and announced that he was trying to find the donor, saying that, “If anybody would like to come in and claim this cooler, which is probably an antique, we would love to have them come in and we’ll be more than happy to try and get that cooler returned to them”.
Is Captain Waite hoping that morons will actually respond to this? If someone did, indeed, donate the cooler, filled to the rim with wacky tabacky, are they stupid enough to walk into PD and say, “Dude, where’s my weed?”
Well, maybe. It has been a week, however, and the anonymous donor has chosen to remain so. That could be an antique water cooler from the Titanic and used by Chuck Norris as a trophy stand, and no one is going to claim it. It could be gold-plated and filled with diamonds, and it will remain in police custody.
It takes a naïve lawman to think that some guy will walk in and ask for his stash back.
If the cooler itself is such a precious antique, shouldn’t the police give it back to Goodwill to sell and then do whatever it is that they do with confiscated drugs? Goodwill can sell this heirloom rusty metal water jug at their Marietta branch, right?
Not if Captain Waite has anything to say about it. He’s still hoping someone out there is desperate enough to walk up to a cop and request the return of his Maui Wowie. Keep holding your breath, there, chief.
Right now, somewhere in Southeastern Ohio, someone’s Grandpa is tearing the shed apart for his “glaucoma medication”, or maybe some kids are gonna be totally bummed when they go to watch next year’s Civil War re-enactment.
A reporter on WSAZ said that the contributed cannabis appeared to be “more than a year old and probably donated by accident”.
Ya think?