50 Cent Courts Susan Boyle (Into Da Studio)
Susan Boyle, everyone’s favorite frumpy spinster (if anyone uses that word anymore) with the voice of an angel, has been tearing up both US and British charts. Topping all contemporary music, beating out the likes of Rihanna and Adam Lambert for the #1 position, Boyle’s debut album “I Dreamed A Dream” is taking her out of her little village and on tour.
When Boyle first appeared on “Britain’s Got Talent” and was nearly laughed off the stage, she said that she hoped to have the same kind of success as her idol, Elaine Paige. Simon Cowell and whoever Piers Morgan is could both hardly contain their laughter. Until she started to sing. Now the egomaniacal jackasses have gotten the proverbial “suck it” from Susan Boyle, as the both took part in creating “I Dreamed A Dream: The Susan Boyle Story”, which aired last night. For the event, Boyle and Elaine Paige were decked out in diamonds, with Boyle herself wearing about $65,000 in borrowed diamond jewelry that included a pair of diamond earrings, a Deco onyx and diamond pendant, and a diamond ring. Norwich jeweller Winsor Bishop outfitted the two for their duet performance, also lending Paige a pair of vintage teardrop diamond earrings.
This Is Susan Boyle.
With Susan Boyle’s star on the rise, becoming more popular in the US than any hip-hop, rock, or country act, it is only natural that other musicians would want to collaborate with her. She’s a hot name. Use her while you can before the world unceremoniously ships her back to Scotland, postage due!
Enter another great lover of diamonds, 50 Cent. Fiddy has made it clear that he wants to work with Boyle. Imagining the two of them pairing up for anything is like…like…
This Is 50. One of these things is not like the other...
Chocolate-covered gefilte fish.
A woman over 18 at a Jonas Brothers concert.
Hugh Hefner and a woman his own age.
And yet, it could happen. The now-multi-millionaire spinster who had never ventured far from her small Scottish hamlet could go into a bulletproof recording studio with a guy who claims to have been shot nine times, although police reports are conflicting on this point. Regardless of the number of times that Fiddy has taken bullets, we can say with relative certainty that the closest Susan Boyle ever got to being shot was staring down the barrel of Sharon Osbourne while onstage to perform that first time. One puts holes in your body, the other puts holes in your soul as Osbourne sucks out your lifeforce.
50 Cent told the Daily Mirror, “Susan Boyle is hot right now. I got to get her on a track. We’d make a hit”. Possibly, Fiddy, but you’d have to teach her what a “gat” is, and explain what the lyrics were really about in “Candy Shop”. Or maybe that’s best kept secret. The rapper went on to say that, “She’s got an amazing voice, and, together, we’d get everyone dancing…she’s cool. So I’ll ask somebody to let her know”.
You can just SEE her looking at that person, cocking her head to the side and saying in her thick Scottish accent, “Fifty Whooooooo?”
If they do meet, Fiddy has plans to “…take her clubbing, show her around my world. She’d have a great time”.
Think so, Fiddy? She’s barely off the commune and you want to show her a world in which people leave behind showtunes in favor of lyrical musings like, “You can have it your way, how do you want it/You gon’ back that thing up or should I push up on it”.
As 50 Cent makes the promotional rounds for his album “Before I Self-Destruct”, Boyle is busy belting out “How Great Thou Art”. If there is middle-ground to be reached, I can’t wait to see where it is.