Lil Wayne, after facing up to 3 ½ years in prison on a gun possession charge, decided to plead guilty (his DNA on the Louis Vuitton-encased weapon sorta necessitated this) and take a one-year sentence instead. The actual sentencing is scheduled for February. Naturally, the first question on everyone’s mind is: What about Weezy’s hair? Will his trademark dreadlocks be cut off, per order of the New York Department of Corrections, or will there be a special “Famous Rapper” clause added to the penal code (I hear you giggling, Wayne)?
In Lil Wayne's Prison Cell, The Dreads Must Go, But The Diamonds Stay?
Is Wayne not concerned about the $150 Grand worth of diamonds permanently affixed to his teeth? Considering his borderline-obsessive oral hygiene regimen, one would think that those would be first on his mind when it comes to being surrounded by career criminals. While he can check his twin pinky diamond rings, diamond studs, $200,000 black diamond chain and $1 million watch at the gates, his teeth go with him. He is reluctant to have the diamonds removed because that would mean surgery. He might want to think about it before he heads to the pokey with a mouthful of ice. Those extra-sparkly whites could go a long way in trading for cigarettes or whatever else is available in prisons. Some large man called Bubba might decide he needs a Lil Wayne tooth so he can score a few girlie mags, or partake in Wayne’s own beverage of choice “Purple Drank”. Weezy himself schooled us four years ago in how to “make lean”, an even slangier term for mixing up “Purple Drank”. Successfully—albeit slowly—using the word ‘promethazine’, he explains that the concoction is promethazine, codeine, and Hawaiian Punch. Never has the mascot “Punchy” been so aptly named. Anyway, having his teeth knocked out will only serve to make him more popular in GenPop. Think about it, Weezy.
Regardless, Lil Wayne, with 2 BET Awards from 2007 and 4 Grammies from 2009 under his belt, will be off to jail, and off to the prison barber. Unless he gets a pass because of religion. Any prisoner claiming Rastafari as his religion is permitted to keep his dreadlocks, as they are considered a representation of faith. First, Wayne would have to prove that he is, indeed, Rastafari. Although the doctrines are complex, he has one part of it down to a science: the gun for which he will serve time was only found after police officers smelled marijuana smoke coming from his tour bus and subsequently conducted a search. Is it an illegal search if he was conducting a religious ceremony in the vehicle? If he was performing a sacrament and not just getting high, maybe the whole case would be thrown out.
Weezy should’ve gotten himself a Rastafari lawyer. I and I and Meyer Goldstein, J.D.