Jon Gosselin Finds Inner Jew With Reality TV Rabbi
When you’re a shunned reality TV star finding himself up a creek without a paddle, there’s really only one thing to do: find spiritual guidance from another reality TV star. Not just any spiritual guide will do. You have to make sure you find a successful one, like the one who advised Michael Jackson.
Really, Jon? Were all of the non-fame-seeking Rabbis busy, or just not taking your calls?
Jon found his inner Jew about a month ago, proclaiming himself half-Jewish, half-Korean. Nobody told him that you are either born Jewish or you go through an educational process to convert to Judaism. But he is simply following the path of other troubled famous Christians who think a change of faith might get them out of the holes they’ve dug themselves into.
Jon Gosselin Looking Ready to Repent. Or Drink.
Enter Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, star of “Shalom in the Home” on TLC, the same network that used to air “Jon & Kate Plus Eight”. Since Jon could not, evidently, find the answers he needed by reading any of Boteach’s books, or even by consulting shmuley.com (not kidding), he went straight to the man himself.
The Rabbi did offer some sage—if not totally obvious—advice. He told Jon to end his relationship with girlfriend Hailey Glassman for two reasons. First, sex outside of marriage is a big no-no, and second, Jon is still married, and both he and Kate, despite their pending divorce, have been seen intermittently wearing their wedding rings.
Jon is supposed to begin the process of making amends by repenting at the New York City’s West Side Synagogue tonight. It’ll be Standing Room Only at Rabbi Shmuley’s congregation for this one. Not only is Jon expected to break it off with Glassman, but he will also express his “sincere desire to use the fame I have so unexpectedly acquired to highlight mature, responsible behavior as well as the joys of fatherhood and family”, according to a statement released by his representatives. Nothing reeks ‘maturity and responsibility’ like Jon Gosselin. Well, he reeks of something, anyway.
The statement goes on to say that “these steps are absolutely sincere and not intended for public consumption.” Okay, fair enough. But why, then, go to a famous Rabbi and apologize to the people he has hurt—none of whom are expected to be in attendance—in a famous temple, and notify the media two days ahead of time?
Rabbi Shmuley, ordained by the ultra-conservative Chabad-Lubavitch Hasidic movement, has not been on television since “Shalom in the Home” went into syndication after its first season. He is working on another project with TLC. Maybe “Kate Plus Eight Plus Rabbi”, or “Jon Minus Eight Plus Orthodox Jew”. Maybe Rabbi Shmuley will let Jon care for his own gaggle of kids in “Jon Plus Nine Hasidic Children”. Any of these equations would add up to ratings gold.
In the meantime, 7 pm EST at the West Side Synagogue on 34th Street will bring in not just Jon Gosselin’s apologetic semi-Jewish self, but lots of cash as well. Rabbi Shmuley is selling tickets.
No word yet on whether Jon will wear his standard Ed Hardy gear. Probably depends on whether Christian Audigier is willing to pay for product placement.