Oh, the roller coaster year it has been for Serena Williams. Things were moving along smoothly for her until her massive meltdown at the US Open. Then her ranking—after losing the matching to Kim Clijsters—went down, along with her stock in general. Tennis is one of those games that are played in relative silence, with only the ‘oomphs’ and ‘ahhhs’ from the players heard, along with the sound of racquet strings hitting ball, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. But after a questionable line call by a diminutive judge, our Serena went completely berserk and threatened to jam the ball down the judge’s throat.
You Don't Want to Get On Her Bad Side, And They're Almost ALL Visible Now.
That’s a big no-no in a game during which you can hear the sound of a players feet shuffling on grass, or the sneeze of an allergic fan. And when a muscle-bound Serena Williams is bearing down on you with fury in her eyes, you don’t have to be a small person to want to get well out of her path. In retrospect, she told Good Morning America, she would like to apologize and give the judge “a big ol’ hug”. It doesn’t take a sports expert or a Rhodes Scholar to know that the judge will pass on that, thanks. She probably wants to keep as much distance as she can between herself and Serena’s considerable cakes.
Then, just yesterday, Serena regained her #1 ranking in the world by winning the Australian Open, Wimbledon, and then defeating Ekaterina Makarova at the China Open. The tennis world—and the sports world in general—were more than ready to put her outburst behind them. The normally-composed tennis star and fashion ground-breaker was sorry, she knew she lost control. Okay, let’s move on, right?
And then she decided to pose for ESPN Magazine. That’s what sports stars do. But in this particular issue, athletes from a variety of sports have posed either naked or nearly-naked. Serena, who posed for one of four covers that have already circulated the globe via the internet, is entirely in the buff, save for a barely-visible ring encrusted with diamonds. All of her goodies are covered and there is not even a hint of naughty bits, but the International Tennis Federation is seizing this opportunity to bring up the US Open tirade again. They say she might be banned from competing in the Australian Open in 2010 and could have more than $500,000 in prize money taken back.
Would they have brought up her outburst again if she posed in her trademark revealing tennis outfits? What if she was wearing long underwear and body armor? Where does the ITF draw its line?
So far, there has been no word from any other sports about penalizing athletes for showing their goods for ESPN Magazine. It is the magazine’s first-ever ‘body issue”, in which athletic bodies are shown as beautiful and not odd or unattractive. It’s the possibility of another ground-breaking moment for Serena Williams, who is as far from the ‘visible-sternum-and-hipbone’ beauty ideal as a woman can get. She is muscular. Like really, really muscular, and has a tush that follows a few feet behind her.
Major League Baseball is being represented by Nelson Cruz, Joba Chamberlain, and Ivan Rodriguez. Seriously. Pudge Rodriguez’s giant rear is posing nearly-naked and we’re obsessing about Serena. The NBA’s Dwight Howard, Mixed Martial Artist Gina Carano, and surfing’s Laird Hamilton will be among the 40 or so athletes to bare almost-all. Some ladies from the LPGA are also posing, but there’s no word yet on whether or not anyone will look. They’ll be in the same “Who Really Cares?” section as poker players.
Come ON, ESPN. SPORTS. Not ‘guys in a smoky room not talking to each other for hours on end’. Besides, it’s gambling. I thought those two things were supposed to be kept separate.
But hey, let’s make a really big deal out of a muscular, fit, strong woman posing in her birthday suit instead. It makes for much better press.