Real Housewife Kim Zociak Engaged, Not Engaged, Can’t Sing
As for the huge diamond engagement ring Kim Zolciak and her wig started sporting at her 75th birthday party, it turns out that it may or may not have been an engagement ring that may or may not have come from “Big Poppa” Lee Najjir. Since Poppa is already married to someone else, it seems illogical—although not improbable in Real-Housewives-Land—that he would have proposed. It is more likely that he bought her a big rock to keep her on ice even as he was filming an episode of MTV Teen Cribs.
Which One Is The Drag Queen?
There was an hysterical episode in which Kim laments her lack of fortune without Poppa in her life, wondering how she would afford to keep herself and her kids in Prada without financial support. So she thought about getting a job. When the reality of her skill set hit her and she just couldn’t imagine herself asking NeNe if she’d like fries with that, she reconciled with Big Poppa. Or not. She is as vague on the answer as she is on the truth in general.
In her defense, she did work on getting her singing career off the ground. She met with mega-producer Dallas Austin, who recommended that she get some voice lessons under her belt before they began recording the song ‘Tightrope’. Austin also nearly wet his pants laughing when he heard her attempts at singing, which ranged from ‘Cow in Pain’ to “Noises Only Dogs Can Hear’.
Other Housewife Kandi Burruss, who actually has connections in the music industry, recommended that Kim change from country to pop, and, with lyrics written by Burruss—and an enormous amount of assistance from Auto-Tune—the duo squeaked out a single. “Tardy to the Party” is the deformed love-child that was born of the unholy union that is Kim Zolciak and Music in General. Her voice is barely heard on the track, because Burruss—a veteran of the music game—knew enough to distort it beyond recognition.
The song, regardless of its level of suckitude, is one of the top 10 downloaded tracks on iTunes. This is probably more a result of the curiosity of Real Housewives fans than of actual interest in the track. Besides, who of us does not rubberneck when passing a gruesome accident?
So whether Kim is engaged to her married boyfriend or not, she still has that big diamond ring on her finger. And, with the success of the ear-splitting, dry-heave-inducing “Tardy to the Party”, Kim will be able to keep herself in acrylic nails and blonde wigs for years.
In case you feel like cutting, listen to this instead. The psychological damage is far worse than any razor scar. Please note that while Dallas Austin is pictured in the video, Kim said he was “over” working with him long before that. She cut out his uncontrollable laughter at her vocal stylings. Enjoy. I dare you.
“Tardy for the Party”, in all its glory.