John Mayer Has Officially Run Out of Women
Hollywood, CA – John Mayer, singer of sappy love songs and lover of anything in a skirt, has officially run out of young starlets and singers to date. What’s a young man to do? Switch teams!
John Mayer, Looking Like He Can Hit From Both SIdes of the Plate.
Mayer became popular with the release of his album Room for Squares in 2001. 20-somethings everywhere swooned over his lovesick lyrics and little-boy face. It was rumored that the hit song “Your Body Is A Wonderland” was written about then-girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt. After J. Love failed to get the engagement ring she wanted out of the balladeer, they split. He quietly dated singer Vanessa Carlton when she was famous, went out with Derek Jeter’s now-girlfriend Minka Kelly, apparently had an “encounter” with Cameron Diaz that neither denies, and then he hooked up with Jessica Simpson for a while.
The young man could not seem to get away from women who wanted desperately to get married. His much-storied relationship with Jennifer Aniston seemed very stable until he took to Twitter to send 140-character blips about the ins and outs of their romance. Not only was Aniston not so happy about his revelations to the world at large, but she, too, is in marriage mode, and Mayer was still aching to play the field. So they split up. And then got back together. Then they split up again. They were seen in late September having dinner together and the two released statements that they were close and had a great deal of respect for one another.
What’s to respect?
More recently, the man who has used his height (6’3”), his voice, and his self-proclaimed “great balance and coordination” in bed to bag some of Hollywood’s biggest hotties, has been seen coming out of a gay club with a friend. It is said that he shared a kiss with a man while he was there. He denies this claim, but nonetheless has said that he prefers gay bars sometimes because he finds the crowds there “more respectful than in a straight club”.
Drunk gay boys seeing John Mayer versus drunk straight girls seeing John Mayer: which would be more of a free-for-all? Tough call. Well, maybe not.
He’s already famously kissed Perez Hilton, but that was to make some sort of point, according to him.
Another way to look at it is that he’s run out of girls. Why not try boys? They love him, and he can possibly double his wardrobe if he hooks up with the right badly-dressed gay man. There must be one or two in the country.
But if Mayer thinks that this will keep him from getting married, he should be reading the papers.
Iowa awaits you, John.