First, The Prince of Monaco, Then 50 Cent and Akon
Russian car manufacturer Dartz has upped the ante on luxury SUVs by creating the Pombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition, cruising in at right around $1.6 million. It is set for its official unveiling to the Prince of Monaco in April of 2010. Shortly thereafter, one can imagine, it will be featured on MTV Cribs, taking up massive space in the garages of 50 Cent, Master P, Diddy, T-Pain, and, possibly, Lil’ Jon. Basically, anybody with money to burn and a desire for the latest in enormous, ostentatious, gas-guzzling vehicles will be on this like a teenage girl on a Jonas Brother.
The windows, which are bulletproof, are gold-plated. The exhausts (Yes, that IS plural.) are made of pure tungsten, and the speed gauges are encrusted with diamonds. For extra safety, the exterior paint includes a bulletproof Kevlar coating. It weighs in at 4 tons and includes a V8 engine capable of 450 horse power. Because life in Monaco is fraught with danger, the Pombron’s designers claim that each SUV is “rocket grenade-proof’.
Funny, It Looks Pretty Capitalist To Me.
Another proof worth mentioning is that of the most ironic of this vehicle’s perks: the vodka that comes with each. Dartz includes three bottles of Russo-Baltique, a brand created this year by the company to commemorate its 100th anniversary. One bottle retails for about $13,000. Each is made of 30cm-thick bulletproof glass (vodka needs safety precautions, too). The included flasks, replicas of the radiator guards used for Russo-Baltique cars, are made out of gold coins minted between 1908 and 1912. Each cap is made of white and yellow gold with a diamond-encrusted replica of the Russian Imperial Eagle. If it was Hennessey in those bottles, Kanye West would be first in line for this badboy.
What’s the worst possible combination? Try someone with too much money and something to prove driving a bullet-proof, eight-thousand pound gold-plated tank with three bottles of vodka on board.
I’m just sayin’.
The only thing that might turn off a certain type of person from this vehicle is the material from which the seats and gear-shift cover are made. Says a Dartz spokesperson: “The seats are indeed made of real whale penis leather”. This is a nod to the late Aristotle Onassis, whose yacht ‘Christina O’ had bar stool seats made from sperm whale foreskin. Evidently, it’s soft and very comfortable.
You just can’t make stuff like that up.
The company got its start producing armored vehicles for Vladimir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, and Tsar Nicolas. A company spokesperson said, “In the past, our customers have included Lenin and his revolutionary partner Trotsky. In fact, we are launching a version of this new model in 2012, just for Latin America.”
Okay, wait for it…
The Dartz spokesperson added that, “It will commemorate the fact that Trotsky was killed in Mexico with an ice pick in 1940 and will come with a gold ice axe.”
I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?
Take same overly-wealthy driver with God complex, sinking into the whale-foreskin seats of his grenade-proof car while drinking $13,000 vodka and then add a golden axe. Too much? Nah.
This is just taking it to another level. Like Master P’s gold-plated ceilings, so shall the Pombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition shine.