Alex Rodriguez Serves Up Home Runs, Thanks to Buddha
New York — Alex Rodriguez, the New York Yankees slugger, is once again playing spiritual musical chairs. Girlfriend Kate Hudson, credited by the Yankees’ staff for A-Rod’s recently-stellar performance on the field, is exposing him to more than previously thought—he’s now experimenting with Buddhism. A source reveals that, “it seems like Alex really just wants to make her happy.”
"Let's root, root, root for the Buddha!"
‘Happy’ includes house-hunting on both east and west coasts, since Kate is LA-based and A-Rod is New York-based. With the two preparing to share a house, it can’t be long before we see Kate wearing a sparkly new engagement ring. But that’s for the post-season. For now, Hudson and her friends are content to drape prayer beads over the railing in front of her seat, picking them up to say whichever Buddhist prayer there is for making it to the World Series.
That Bodhidharma—he thought of EVERYTHING.
According to the New York Daily News, A-Rod has been “flirting with Buddhism”, since Kate has been a longtime follower of the practice. His true devotion is a bit questionable, however. When he was dating Madonna prior to her dumping him for an even younger hot Latino, he studied Kabbalah. Now that she’s got a guy named Jesus turning into a Jew for her, the smitten third-baseman has decided that it is Buddha who will guide him. If he starts dating porn star Asia Carrera, he won’t know whom to thank for his success. She’s an atheist.
If Alex Rodriguez doesn’t settle down soon, he’s likely to go through every deity in the book. Then to whom will he pray for monstrous home runs and bullet-like throws to first base? Will all the gods turn on him? Will he resort to acknowledging genetics, supplements, and good coaches?
Right now, all the credit for his recent success on the field has gone to his—ahem—active relationship with Kate Hudson. She’s been filling him with self-confidence nightly, while he’s been filling her with Buddha-knows-what.
If the Yankees want to give brownie-points to Kate Hudson or Buddha for Alex’s athletic performance, that’s fine.
Just keep him away from Marilyn Manson.