48 year-old Kathy Griffin, when considering her ‘plus one’ options for the Teen Choice Awards did what any hopeful cougar would do: she brought a teenager as her date. But she didn’t bring just any teenager, mind you. She made a person-to-moron phone call to Wasilla, Alaska to ask young Levi Johnston to stand by her side on the green carpet.
No, really. She did.
You Can Only Put So Much Lipstick on A Pig.
As it turned out, Levi was already going to be in town for a Vanity Fair shoot. Evidently, Vanity Fair is working on their “Not Too Bright People We’ll All Forget In Ten Minutes” issue. While Griffin was tastefully dressed in a belted pink satin dress and hoop diamond earrings, her main accessory was the uncomfortably-monkey-suited Bristol Palin babydaddy. His tie matched Griffin’s dress, but they were still, somehow, mismatched.
Is it because we’re not sure if Kathy Griffin is creating fodder for her own TV show? Is it because of the nearly 30 year age difference? Or is it just because Levi Johnston looked more uncomfortable than Mariah Carey at an Amish festival?
Levi, who gallantly postponed a hunting trip to go the event, stood beside Griffin, holding her hand, and according to an interview with MTV News, “shut up and [did] what I’m told”. Nice time to start listening to his elders.
Ironically, when Miley Cyrus performed a dance on a stripper pole, Levi leaned over to Griffin and said, “Isn’t she 16?” Well, Levi is 19 and he’s already the father of the grandchild of a former Republican Vice-Presidential candidate. Careful of that glass house, there, Levi.
The next day, Griffin filled in for Larry King and interviewed Johnston. When she asked him to read aloud a letter that someone had handed Griffin to give to Miley Cyrus (for some reason), it seemed that our young prodigy had some difficulty. Clearly, Levi Johnston is a lover, not a reader. So rarely does a face so perfectly reflect intelligence. His face was more vacant than a trailer park during a Billy Ray Cyrus concert.
He did, however, astutely observe that both the Jonas Brothers and Robert Pattinson elicited louder screaming than John McCain ever did.
We almost hope that Kathy will move into a “love igloo” with Levi Johnston, so she, too, can maybe see Russia from her house.