Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Considering that the opening of the show features the maybe-divorcing-maybe-not Countess LuAnn (how many Countesses are named LuAnn, really?) saying something to the effect of “I don’t apologize for being privileged”, it seems nothing short of vile that most of the cast of “The Real Housewives of New York” are refusing to sign on for next season unless they get more money.

"Pay Attention To ME!", "No, Pay Attention to ME!", "No..."

That’s more money on top of the obscene wealth that they already shamelessly flaunt.  And the cameras follow them like obedient puppies as they shop in designer boutiques, walk into red carpet events, and frolic on the beach in swimwear that costs more than most people’s monthly rent.  These are women who have a show based on the very idea that they are rich and, while not being famous prior to the beginning of the show, they know plenty of famous people.  They met famous people at other events that obscenely wealthy people go to.

A source for the New York Daily News stated that, “The Housewives all want six-figure deals.  They barely made 10 grand for the first season…They want a clothing allowance, money for hair and makeup, a set raise and a promised amount of screen time.”

Are you kidding?  These are women who already have the funds to walk into designer showrooms and walk out with whatever they want, 5 times over.  These are women who already have makeup and hair people.  These are women who all claim to be working hard all the time, but the only one actually filmed working has been Bethenny Frankel, who will finally get the title of “wife”, as she finally got an engagement ring from her boyfriend over the holiday weekend.  At least we see her trying to promote her natural foods business and “Skinnygirl” cocktails.  We might even admire her just a tiny little bit for using the tv show to get her name out there.  Now she’s cooking organic meals for the richer and more famous, and she’s been photographed with Paris Hilton, which is like the Holy Grail to people looking to make it BIG.

The only person who has already signed on for next season is the unanimously-annoying Kelly Bensimon, who likes herself just a little too much  for any viewers to like her at all.  Alex McCord and her is-he-or-isn’t-he-gay husband haven’t signed a contract yet, but are getting ready to go on a promotional tour for the next season.  It’s really a toss-up between Alex and Kelly for most annoying.  Anyone pretentious enough to name her children Francois and Johan while living in the United States should probably be thrown out a window.  As for Jill Zarin, well, we need her around for her voice alone.  And her amazing ability to say whatever is on her mind.  She has no filter, and we love her for it.  I’m not sure what Ramona is there for.  I can’t even think of anything that she’s done on the show.  But she lives in New York and has more money than normal humans can dream of, so there she is. 

While there are plenty of rich people who can be on the show, the chemistry between these women is the train wreck we can’t turn away from.  It’s the multi-car pile-up that makes us put on our brakes to rubberneck.  Although The Real Housewives of New Jersey is putting the New York Housewives to shame with their over-the-top bickering and pettiness, we are all still living in the aftermath of “Sex and the City”.  We want to see women in New York.  We miss it.  The Real Housewives is kind of sloppy seconds, but we’ll take it. 

Only thing is, I’m pretty sure that “Sex and the City” was less scripted.

No, seriously.  If you are just going about your day doing your job and a man walks in wearing a red thong and tube top, do you take him seriously or do you suspect, at the very least, that you’re being Punk’d?

Even if you were under a rock on a deserted island since 2005 and never saw “Borat”, wouldn’t you think twice if a guy with a porn ‘stache and skin-tight gold pants asked to interview you about your neo-Nazi punk band?

This Outfit Just Screams "Tell Me About Your Christian Rock Band".

Well, evidently not.  Even after the threats of lawsuits and bodily harm from the Unknowingly-Filmed-for-a-Hollywood-Movie after the release of “Borat”, Sacha Baron Cohen continues on his merry way, finding people who a. haven’t heard of or seen him and b. are ridiculously gullible.  And what’s most embarrassing is that he doesn’t seem to have to look that hard.

While Borat was just a very strange man from Kazakhstan, Bruno is an openly-gay very strange man from Austria.  And by “openly gay”, well, the matching hot pants and vest with go-go boots say it all. 

And Cohen, in the character of Bruno, torments the Religious Right and Liberal Left equally.  But he definitely has the most fun with the Religious Right.  How he escapes with his life is often a mystery.

When he manages to get backstage at a fashion show in Milan, he blended a little better.  Okay, fine, so he asks absurd questions and his accent really isn’t that Austrian.  But a gay man backstage at a fashion show is as common as a new engagement ring on Paris Hilton’s finger.  And for a Los Angeles talent scout to see someone talentless, though oddly dressed in a red jockstrap and little else, that’s not so unusual.  West Hollywood isn’t that far away.

But it’s when he goes into the Deep South and walks around wearing a purple thong that he’s definitely looking for trouble.  And the police fell for it, arresting him for lewd behavior. 

And a doctor—someone highly educated—who runs the Family Research Institute got taken in by the most flamboyant man on earth, asking to learn how to be straight.  Even after Bruno tried to sit on his lap and made a pass at him, the doctor didn’t think it was a little over-the-top.  He didn’t know, in fact, until a newspaper called him to ask how he felt about being in Sacha Baron Cohen’s new movie.  The good doctor did admit that some of Bruno’s questions “seemed strange”.

Oh, come ON. 

If you’re performing at a Christian rock festival and someone suggests that people might be more into the Bible if you changed the ‘loaves and fishes’ story to ‘sushi and a “no-carb alternative or something without gluten”’, wouldn’t you think there was someone waiting to yell “April Fool”?  At least that musician was non-judgmental on film.  That situation could have gone SO awry. 

Sacha Baron Cohen was very lucky to encounter some tolerant Christians and wimpy skinheads.  And once again, he made big, fat fools of everyone.

I can’t wait until it comes out on DVD.

Why bother having clear skin if Kevin Jonas is no longer available? 

Tweens all over the world have gone into mourning as the eldest of the teeny-bopper sensation Jonas Brothers finally proposed to his girlfriend.  On July 1st, Kevin Jonas shattered the dreams of little girls everywhere when he offered an engagement ring to girlfriend Danielle Deleasa.  The 22-year old told People Magazine that she didn’t see the ring at first because she couldn’t believe her 21-year old boyfriend was asking her to marry him. 

According to Deleasa, she looked at the teen heartthrob kneeling on her doorstep, “like, ‘Are you serious?’  When he pulled out that ring, I was like ‘Oh Gosh’…like ‘Oh my God’, and then I started crying.”  Having failed to find anywhere else to shoehorn the word “like” into her response, she said yes. 

Wedding Photos by Glamour Shots, Catering By Chuck E. Cheese.

The diamond engagement ring, designed by the evidently multi-talented Jonas Brother, was made by Jacob & Co.  It is a 3-carat cushion-cut diamond set in a platinum double-band with 210 round pave diamonds, costing about $75,000.  There is little doubt the bride-to-be from Denville, New Jersey who is described as a “former hairdresser” was thrilled with the sparkler.  It’s a big step from Aqua-Netting bangs part-time to wearing jewelry that costs as much as her parents’ house.

The two met while they were vacationing separately in the Bahamas in 2007, and it was Kevin who pursued Deleasa after he saw her walking on the beach.  She claims to have not even heard of the Jonas Brothers before that, despite the group’s meteoric rise to fame on the Disney Channel, birthplace of all great rock bands.  Isn’t that where the guys from Led Zeppelin met? 

With only two Jonas Brothers left, 16-year old Nick and 19-year old Joe, middle-schoolers are getting nervous.  Reading “Tiger Beat” won’t be the same anymore.  Watching their videos will likely cause uncontrollable wailing and convulsive sobbing.  Should middle Jonas Joe get serious with whoever Camilla Belle is, a seismic shift will occur and these same tweens who worship the Jonas Brothers now will be emotionally driven towards the maudlin Emo genre, trading their  brightly-colored baby-doll tops and denim miniskirts for black leggings, black Chuck Taylors, and oversized Dashboard Confessional t-shirts.

Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.

Britney Spears seemed to be finally bouncing her way back towards mental health, even after the head-shaving, the baby-dropping, and the colossal embarrassment of her lip-syched performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.  Fans were willing to give her a second, third, fourth, and hundredth chance to prove that she could return to her former scantily-clad, booty-shaking, munchkin-voiced self.  And she was well on her way, with two consecutive albums bearing hits like “Piece of Me” and “Womanizer”.  Her ‘Circus’ tour has been massively successful, and everyone was all about loving Britney again.

Costume or Not, Is This The Outfit of a Sane Person?

Now she’s gone and gotten herself engaged again.  Maybe.  Starting as early as mid-June, rumors of a proposal by boyfriend and manager Jason Trawick were all over the media.  Immediately, Britney’s people denied the rumors.  But then she was seen just last weekend shopping with Trawick in Los Angeles, and she was actively flaunting a diamond engagement ring on her left hand.  Still, neither one confirmed anything.  It is only this month that the pair even confirmed that they were dating.

At least Brit-Brit seems to be heading in the right direction.  If she does marry Trawick, an entertainment manager, that would be a step up from her previous marriage to Kevin Federline, a back-up dancer.  And even Federline seemed a step up from her prior marriage to her high school sweetheart Jason Alexander.  Those happy nuptials lasted just under 55 hours. 

This would be the third marriage, the second Jason, and the first time she wasn’t drunk at the time.

Evidently, the proposal came while the two were on vacation in the Bahamas.  A source revealed that “He didn’t exactly get down on one knee, but Brit didn’t care.”  What does that mean, “he didn’t exactly get down on one knee”?  Did he casually mention it over dinner?  Did he yell “here, catch!” and toss a ring at her while she watched “Spongebob”?  Did he ask while she was in the bathroom?

Regardless, if the rumors are even true, Britney wants this wedding to be a much classier affair.  Shouldn’t be too hard to top one wedding to which she wore jeans and a baseball cap and another where the groomsmen wore matching sweatsuits that said ‘Pimp’ on the back.  Our best wishes to the happy couple.  Or not.  Depending on which source you ask.  Whatever.