Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Columbia, SC – For those of us who have lived—or still live in—South Carolina, talk of Republican Governor Mark Sanford’s scandalous disappearance, excuses, and later confessions has truly gotten old. So old, in fact, that we are no longer posting updates on his foolishness on our Facebook pages. But some things are just too funny to not share. Of course, condolences go out to my friends who live on Sullivan’s Island, SC, from where wife Jenny Sanford has been making her statements. Such a beautiful island. Such a massive moron for a Governor. He should be banished to North Chuck.

Last week, Governor Mark Sanford was declared “missing” after the media realized he had not been seen in several days. His wife Jenny was surprisingly unconcerned. His staff then released a statement that he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail”, since he is such an outdoors-y guy. The media did not fail to notice that he chose this “Appalachian Trail” over spending time with his kids on Father’s Day. While some of us could only hear banjo music and quote lines from “Deliverance”, Sanford informed his staff that he would return on Wednesday.

This Is How The Governor Woos His Women.

When his return included a flight from Argentina, well, the soundtrack turned salsa and the quotes were more Richard Nixon-esque. He returned to Columbia to hold a press conference about what the entire state of South Carolina now knew was a long-term affair with an Argentinian woman. The government immediately began to question some expenses covered by the State that involved an earlier trip to South America. Fox News immediately began to call Sanford a Democrat. Rush Limbaugh immediately blamed it on President Barack Obama. So it goes.

Then the emails were found. Oh precious electronic ballads of love!

Mark Sanford evidently fancies himself something of a poet, mixing the mundane details of his day with romantic verse about his forbidden love.

Some of the finer points of Sanford’s Songs of Seduction:

Regarding his love of the outdoors and physical labor: “It is admittedly weird but one of my more favorite ways of escaping the norms, constant phone calls and formalities that go with the office – and it probably fits with my weakness in doing rather than being – though you opened up a new chapter last week wherein I was happy and content just being. Last point worth further discussion.”

How did Maria feel upon seeing the tender, loving words, “Last point worth further discussion”? One can only hope her English is on par with his fidelity.

Regarding his upcoming schedule: “Three thoughts in one note now that I have a moment. One the travel schedule is about to get real busy…Tomorrow night back to Philadelphia for the start of the National Governor’s Conference…Back to Columbia for Tuesday and then on Wednesday, as I think I had told you, taking the family to China, Tibet, Nepal, India, Thailand, and then back through Hong Kong on world wind tour.”

Here, we learn that Sanford must have gone to the same high school as the former Miss Teen South Carolina.

He goes on to say that: “The following weekend have been asked to spend it out in Aspen, Colorado with McCain – which has kicked up the whole VP talk all over again in the press back home.”

Yeah, you can knock that right off your schedule, Sparky.

After waxing poetic about her “full tank of love in the emotional bank account”, the Governor then quotes scripture: “I looked to where I often look for advice and counsel, and in I Corinthians 13 it simply says that, ‘Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude, Love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in the wrong, but rejoices in the right, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.’

Yeah, that’s the verse that won Owen Wilson’s character 20 bucks in “Wedding Crashers”.

Alas, it seems that, despite his love of scripture, he managed to forget the bit about adultery. Perhaps he should have considered the meaning of the wedding rings he and his wife wore before he ran off for a Carnaval del Amor.

Having originally told his wife that he wanted some time away to work on writing a book, well, it looks like the Governor will probably get his wish. He’ll have plenty of time. And at least he’ll have good stories to tell.