Madonna loves attention. Her legendary lust for the spotlight is known all over the planet. Only her thirst for youth eclipses that. Unfortunately, both of these qualities came tragically crashing together at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Ball.
Wearing an 80s-throwback Louis Vuitton navy blue ruched, puffy-skirted asymmetrical mini-dress, two questions came to mind: ‘Isn’t it 2009? and ‘Doesn’t Louis Vuitton usually have taste?’. Combining the calamitous costume with bedazzled fingerless gloves and thigh-high dominatrix boots was peculiar enough. But the true icing on the cake was the positively inexplicable scrunchie-on-steroids that stuck straight up like navy blue bunny ears. This wasn’t just 80s. This was 80s on acid. Probably some of that leftover brown acid from Woodstock.
Despite Her Best Efforts, I Had Great Difficulty Finding Madonna In This Picture.
Although Madonna is well-known as a practicing Kabbalist, she wore haute jewelry designer Anna Hu’s “Edelweiss” diamond cross, made with about 6 carats of D color diamonds. She paired that with Hu’s “Icy Grapes” 28-carat earrings, made of natural-colored sapphires, emeralds, rubies, and diamonds with pear-shaped drop emeralds. Madonna loves to be known as a woman who can reinvent herself over and over. Who doesn’t remember the prim, floral dress she wore at the release of her children’s book—a great follow up to her earlier attempt at literature in 1992?
How could she possibly trump her earlier transformations: finding yoga, learning to sing for the movie “Evita”, having her first child with a hot personal trainer, becoming such an Anglophile that she actual married a Brit, naming a second child ‘Rocco’, discovering Kabbalah, refusing to answer to any name other than “Esther” for a while, forcing her children to eat macrobiotic food, strong-arming a poverty-stricken family from Malawi to give her a child, cheating on her husband with a New York Yankee, and so on? How do you follow that up?
Evidently, by dating a 21 year-old Brazilian Model, the now-famous Jesus Luz. At 29 years her junior, he is the perfect match for Madonna. She can use him to feed on his youth, and he can use her to get high-paying jobs and instant fame. Already, Madonna pulled strings with designer friends to give him modeling assignments.
But despite all of that attention, she shows up at one of New York’s major fashion events looking like…well…not only like nothing we’ve ever seen before, but like nothing we’d ever want to see. It was a prom dress gone wrong. It defied explanation. And standing next to her was an impeccably-dressed Jesus. Poor Jesus. What he has to go through to get fame and fortune without having to work for it. Even he must have looked at her before they left the house and thought “She can’t be serious” (but with a hot Brazilian accent).
Possibly, the only thing Madonna could do to get the spotlight off of her young man and back onto her—where she likes it—was to show up looking like the 80s threw up on her after eating Mistress Heather’s School of Bondage and Discipline.
Yes, Madonna, we are all looking at you. But not in a good way.