Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Jose Canseco, former Oakland A’s and Yankees slugger, got what some might call ‘payback’ in his Mixed Martial Arts debut against South Korean Super Heavyweight  Hong Man Choi.  He was defeated by knockout after just 1 minute, 17 seconds in the ring.  At that point, the 7’2” Choi had knocked Canseco to the mat and began punching him in the head, much to the delight of everyone who paid money for Canseco’s 2005 book Juiced.  Nonetheless, the referee stopped the fight.

Repeated blows to the head are the only explanation for this shirt.

Canseco, who has boxing experience, claims to have injured his knee shortly after the fight began.  It must have been very shortly after.  There wasn’t enough time to even say ‘halfway through’.  He said, “I hurt my knee back home real bad but I didn’t want to disappoint the fans.”  How thoughtful!  Evidently, seconds after stepping into the ring he heard something snap—but that could have been his ego. 

Having barely won a celebrity boxing match against the 5’6”, 165-pound Danny Bonaduce, Canseco went into this match with disproportionate confidence.  But the 6’4”, 240-pound former Major- Leaguer was no match for Choi.

“That’s a big man,” Canseco told Sports Illustrated.  “I ran into one of his left jabs and that almost knocked me out.  You have no idea how scary it was facing a man that big.”

No?  How about we ask your ex-wife?  I’ll bet she has some thoughts on that.

The former AL MVP lost the love of his peers when he wrote a tell-all book, naming names—big names—regarding steroid abuse and other alleged bad habits of baseball players.  This caused an uproar, though not a great deal of surprise.  It also led to an investigation into steroid use in Major League Baseball.  Needless to say, Jose will not be receiving any Christmas cards from Mark McGwire or Roger Clemens.  Besides, steroids make the game more fun to watch.

Canseco admits that he has had money troubles, selling all of his baseball awards, including the 2000 World Series ring that includes 22 major diamonds and 34.5 grams of gold.  That little bauble earned him 40 grand.  Although he says he sold the ring to get rid of everything that reminds him of a game he never really liked (but played for decades because of the easy access to drugs and chicks), he also admitted to taking on some pretty strange jobs to make ends meet.  That’s how he ended up fighting little Danny Bonaduce.  And how he ended up in the ring with the MMA giant Hong Man Choi.

Some people call that “Karma”.

In 1997, we were all collectively horrified by the story of schoolteacher Mary Kay Letourneau and her affair with her 7th grade student, Vili Fualaau.  No matter how much the then-34-year old claimed that she and the 12-year old were “in love”, our unified gag-fest could not be restrained.  After serving 7 years in prison and repeatedly breaking the no-contact order issued by a Seattle judge, Mary made it legal with her little man, exchanging wedding rings in 2005 at Columbia Winery.  They waited until then so the boy would be legal to drink at the reception.  And, as is true with all classy weddings, “Entertainment Tonight” had exclusive rights to the event, although the Fualaau family later sold pictures of the wedding to anyone willing to pay for them. 

Someone Has Mommy Issues, And Someone Else Is A Felon.

Now the former teacher is married to 26-year old Vili Fualaau and the couple has two children, the first of which was born before the father turned 14, and the second of which was conceived while Mary Kay was busy violating more than the conditions of her probation. 

Vili is an aspiring DJ, so, to promote his talent, Mary Kay put her education to good use and came up with “Hot for Teacher” nights at Fuel Sports Eats and Beats, with a flyer as tasteful as the event itself.  It features a busty woman in a naughty schoolgirl outfit seductively biting a pencil.   Vili Fualaau is billed as “DJ Headline” and the most recent event, on May23rd, was hosted by Mary K. Latourneau.  Funny, since she legally changed her name to his when they married.  I guess maybe the media wouldn’t pay attention if it was just Mary K. Something-Or-Other-No-one-Can-Pronounce. 

$5 got people in the door, where Mary Kay was flitting about in a tight black minidress, signing autographs and dancing along to 2Pac’s “California Love” (Something tells me even 2Pac would find this distasteful).  She also posed for photographs with her fans (exactly what kind of person becomes a fan of a child molester?), although no press was allowed in, as Fuel and the Latourneau-Fualaau’s wanted full control over which pictures were sold to who and for how much.  Also available for sale (aside from the Fualaau’s dignity) were 11X17 inch posters of the flyer for $7, and t-shirts that read “Hot for Teacher” with an iron-on picture of the happy couple for only $20.  Every item that Mary signed read “Oh Happy Day!  Mary Fualaau”. 

The only good that came of this is that the event did not sell out.  Only 150 people showed up, some of them former students—the kind of thing that can make a convicted sex offender nervous.  But not Mary, who plans to have another child and somehow return to teaching.  She and her cosmopolitan were the main attraction at the party, although she claimed to be there only to support her husband (it feels dirty to even type that).

According to Fuel owner Mike Morris, who was clearly desperate for a rationalization: “It’s turned into sort of a love story.” (AP)

And it’s a love story that brings the media to his nightclub.  We can look forward to many “Hot for Teacher” nights in the future.

So gross.

Mickey Rourke, who was hot in the late 80s and through the 90s, dropped off of our collective radar until he reemerged with the movie “Sin City”, for which nobody remembers him, as Jessica Alba spent the entirety of the film gyrating in leather.  With the movie “The Wrestler”, he was definitely back.  Now, he’s been seen sucking face with beautiful women all over the globe, despite the fact that it looks like unlicensed plastic surgeons have been hacking away at him for years.  Somehow, despite looking like an orange left out in the sun too long, he’s been attracting the babes like crazy.

Women Are On Him Like Flies On...Well...

Now he’s scored himself a Victoria’s Secret model.  She was born at about the same time he was steaming up movie screens all over the planet in the movie “9 ½ Weeks”.  It was the movie that made Kim Basinger a star and rang the first death knell of his career.  But when Mickey Rourke reemerges, he does it with a big bang, so to speak.  Since “The Wrestler”, he has gone through women more often than he changes his underwear. 

Okay, more often than clean people change their underwear.

The point is: he has let his fame draw women to him.  But to see the same woman, twice, and within 2 weeks?  This is a relationship in Mickey’s world.  And the lucky lady?  24 year-old Eugenia Volodina, seen in both the Victoria’s Secret catalogs and in their runway shows.  Evidently, while out together at the Bijoux Lounge in New York, the two made a vile series of displays of affection, oblivious to onlookers.  They were photographed with their tongues down each other’s throats before they actually decided to lie down on the couch.

Ew.

Despite their obvious chemistry, Mickey has said that he will not settle down with just one woman until he finds someone who gives him the same “thunder and lightning” feeling that ex-wife Carre Otis did.  Rourke and Otis exchanged wedding rings in 1992 and were married for 6 ½ years.  Rourke says that he waited 10 years for her to come back.  Alas, she never did, and he has been one a one-night-stand spree since.  While carrying his young girlfriend around, his tattoo “Carre Forever” was on his left arm still, for all the world to see.  Perhaps Eugenia hopes that she can be that “thunder and lightning”.  More likely, she either hasn’t noticed the tattoo yet, or maybe can’t read that well in English. 

Considering that she is already a 9 year modeling veteran (yes, that means she was wearing couture at age 15, ladies and gentlemen), having posed in campaigns for Valentino, Yves Saint Laurent and Chanel, she is obviously not into Mickey for his money.  Maybe she’s irresistibly drawn to those sexy white hair extensions.  Maybe she likes the feel of leather, and his skin has taken on that texture by now. 

Although their union defies explanation, so do many that occur in Hollywood.  At least watching this one play itself out will be both gross AND entertaining.

Oh, Robert.  Handsome, stunning Robert Pattinson.  Before you became a celebrity with the release of “Twilight”, you were just the sublime-looking, clean-cut Cedric Diggory in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”.  So beautiful you were, and to see you taken down with the ‘Avada Kedavera’ curse in that cemetery brought tears to these eyes.

Clean-Cut Robert, With Color In His Cheeks

And then you became Edward Cullen, a young vampire beloved by a mortal girl.  The “Twilight” movie rocketed you to stardom, and women and men everywhere swooned at the very sight of you, so pale and elegant and deadly.  You became another sexy vampire, following the lead of Brad Pitt in the unfortunate “Interview with a Vampire”, which should have been left in print.  Teenagers everywhere began sending out Flair on Facebook that said “Mrs. Cullen”, and “Bite ME, Edward”.  You stopped being the human known as Robert Pattinson and were reborn as Edward Cullen.  Instead of being bitten and turned into a vampire, you acted and were turned into the character you played.

 

Fortunately, “Twilight” was only the first in a series of books, with “New Moon” almost finished, “Twilight: Eclipse” beginning shooting in October, and a promise that the 4th book will also be made into a movie.   Edward Cullen can, indeed, be immortal for quite a while.  If that makes sense.

Robert Pattinson appeared in Cannes for the famous film festival and was besieged by reporters.  Unfortunately, it seems that he followed his normal grooming regimen which includes, evidently, not much at all.  When he was a nobody playing a small role in the blockbuster Harry Potter series, he was all clean and tidy.  Now, it seems that soap is to him like the sun is to a vampire.  Perhaps he developed some kind of fear of bathing.  Perhaps he took the compliments about his unkempt hair too much to heart and decided to let everything else go to pot as well.   Unkempt, British, and sexy is possible (See “Harry, Prince”).  Filthy and British, well, that’s Ozzy Osbourne.   And that is NOT sexy.

The "I'm Still Drunk" Look

Why is it that someone who can afford all the spa treatments, great clothes, and diamond jewelry he wants would rather look like a homeless drunk?

Fortunately, Robert has signed on to work with the positively delectable Hugh Jackman on a 19th-Century epic called “Captives Unbound”.  No matter how gay-porn that sounds, it is a real movie with a huge budget.   He will get to maintain his pale complexion, but he will, certainly, need to have a shower.  If I were producing the movie, I would demand that there be a “daily bathing” clause in his contract. 

Thing is, we love him anyway.  We can’t get enough of Robert Pattinson.  He’s even been given the official “I’m A Celebrity” nickname: R-Patz.  You know, like J. Lo without the double-sided tape.  Hopefully, his talent and fame will outlast the “Twilight” series, and he will continue to look gorgeous in front of a camera for years to come.

Right now, I just want to push him into a sudsy swimming pool.  I’m sure women—and men—everywhere would thank me.

Actress Lisa Rinna just released a statement that she has, in fact, had her lips done. 

No.  Really?

On Monday’s “Today” show, she finally spoke out about her plentiful pout, saying “That’s the pink elephant in the room.  This is the first time I have told what I have done to my lips.”  Pink elephant?  That pink elephant is on roller skates, dressed as a chicken, carrying a neon sign that says “Plastic Surgery”. 

You Had Your Lips Done? Really?

Speculation regarding her colossal kisser has been around for years, since before “Dancing with the Stars”, since before “Melrose Place”, since before Harry Hamlin put a wedding ring on her finger 12 years ago.  Most people would be hard-pressed to think of a time when it didn’t look like her lips were inflated like the jump-castle at a kid’s birthday party.

That’s because she had her first cosmetic lip enhancement after seeing the movie “Beaches”, aspiring to have lips like Barbara Hershey’s.  23 years ago.   She says that she had silicone put only in her top lip, leaving her poor lower lip un-pouted.  She also says that, although it was not what she expected, it did create a signature for her.  Her plentiful puss put her face on the map.  She was a nobody until that mouth took Hollywood.

But, the story grows sad as she goes on to say that the silicone hardened and the scar tissue wasn’t pretty.  She claims that, after a cortisone shot to soften the scar tissue, she has done nothing else to enhance her famous feature.

So, is she making her head smaller, then?

After claiming that she has not had the cosmetic procedures that we all suspect, she still pushes her new book, “Rinnavation” and her—ahem—spread in “Playboy” magazine.  Despite the title of her book and its assumed play-on-words, it is, evidently, a self-help book about keeping her marriage going after so long, and how to keep so fit at age 45.  Without cosmetic surgery.

If it took much-needed publicity for her new book to get her to open up about her lip-plumping, what do you suppose it will take for her to say something about those floatation devices she’s carrying around on her chest?

Oh, my eyes!  My eyes!  Have we not suffered enough under the media tonnage produced every time Paris Hilton leaves—or doesn’t leave—the house?  Have we not heard enough from the woman who claimed she was doing her part to stimulate the economy by doing a lot of shopping, including buying a diamond-encrusted dress, in AUSTRALIA?

"I'm Just A Victim of the Media. I Don't Ask for Attention."

Evidently not, if you ask Adria Petty, daughter of Tom Petty (and, apparently, victim of some THC-infused DNA), who directed a 68-minute movie that lets us see much more deeply into the petri –dish-depth of the heiress’s life.  68 minutes filmed along the same line as “Madonna: Truth or Dare”, only less interesting and almost 20 years later.

The movie was first screened once at the 2006 Toronto Film Festival, although audiences seemed uninterested in attending.   Paris tried to block the film from being shown, concerned that it would be an unfavorable portrayal of her.  Considering that it was a “fly-on-the-wall” movie filmed while Paris was recording her album (a sentence that will haunt me for a lifetime), the only way it can really be a negative portrayal is if Paris herself is really just not that likeable.  She eventually allowed the movie to be shown after one minute of material was cut.

Dare we even ask what that one minute of film might have held?  Or was Paris just concerned about having her movie be forever known as having a running time of 69 minutes?

According to the official movie plot description, “’Paris, Not France’ provides an intimate and provocative look at the world’s first new media star…the film explores the business of being Paris Hilton, and the human being that lies beneath the public persona.”  For so long, poor Paris has been trying to—ahem—get out from underneath the notoriety of her sex tape.  She went about this as only she could: by wearing tiny clothes to events, dating everyone with a pulse, forgetting to put on undies before she climbed in or out of her car, and writhing pornographically in a bathing suit in an advertisement for…hamburgers.  

In the film, Paris laments the way the media has, um, dogged her since the tape was revealed, saying that, “the whole [expletive deleted] world is looking at you and laughing at you”.  Yes.  That’s what happens when you let someone videotape you during a “private act”.  On the other hand, no one knew who she was before the release of “One Night in Paris”.  It also worked for Kim Kardashian.  In a way, Paris should be proud for creating a whole new genre for the film industry to explore.  It would also be nice to have someone to blame for the Tonya Harding sex tape, the Joanie Laurer (formerly WWF wrestler Chyna) sex tape, etc.  I mean, ew.

Paris claims that she is a victim of the media, and that it is because of media attention that she is unable to fulfill her dream of being like Princess Diana.  Yes, Paris.  That, and saving thousands of African children through her charity work.

“Paris, Not France” does give us a chance to see the life of the heiress through her family and friends.  Also making appearances in the documentary are her parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, sister Nicky, Donald Trump, Camilla Paglia (really, Camille?), Benji and Joel Madden, Nicole Ritchie, and agent Elliot Mintz.  I guess Spencer Pratt was busy that day.

Evidently, even after bombing at Cannes and Toronto, “Paris, Not France” is attractive enough that MTV bought the rights to it and plans to air it sometime this summer.  That works out great for Paris, who is already promoting season 3 of “My New BFF”, after, apparently, being unable to hold onto either of the crazed-fans-turned-reality-tv-show-contestants in seasons 1 and 2 in the US, or to her British BFF.  In 2009, she plans to look for a BFF in Dubai.

Either Paris has no faith in her ability to choose friends who compete for her attention, or she is a total media whore.  I’m just sayin’.

Daughter of late mobster John Gotti, ex-wife of her Dad’s right-hand man, and reality television star Victoria Gotti is thisclose to losing the home that became so famous in the “Growing Up Gotti” tv series.  The house still has a $650,000 mortgage with $25,000/month payments.  The woman who has never seen a fur coat or a diamond ring she didn’t like blames the financial pickle she’s in on her ex-husband, Carmine Agnello.  Evidently, he went behind her back and took out an $856,000 loan on the house and then gave her sole ownership of the property. 

"You Guys, We Are Totally Poor Here, Ahright?"

Hate to say it, Vicky, but when you lie down with dogs…

Anyway, she can’t turn to other family for help, since he brother, John, Jr. is preparing for trial on murder and racketeering charges.  He needs to save his pennies for his high-priced lawyers.  He ex-husband claims to have no money to even pay child support, leaving the three sons he shares with Gotti without hair gel and gold chains.  Since his own release from prison after serving eight years on racketeering charges, he has moved to Ohio and opened up another Agnello franchise with another woman in another pricey house.  He has not paid any child support or alimony, even telling son John that he couldn’t afford to send the boy to law school.  It’s a shame.   Those folks could sure use a good lawyer.

Evidently, Agnello still owes the government nearly $10 million in back taxes, but is being allowed to live comfortably in the Midwest while Victoria struggles to keep Mystic Tans on her 3 boys.  She has said, “There are just too many fathers who walk away from their responsibilities, and unfortunately my husband is one of them.”  Color me shocked. 

The mansion in question, once valued at $4.2 million, has been reduced to only $3 million because upkeep has not been high on Victoria’s to-do list.  The house is in desperate need of a paint job and some landscaping.  Last time I heard, the woman has three healthy sons.  Where’s the issue?  But these boys have been outrageously pampered during their young lives, being the grandsons of a famous mafia Don, rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, and vacationing in exotic locations with no one to supervise except the reality television staple “inappropriate guardian” and several video cameras to capture any ensuing hilarity. 

The dream would be that Victoria and her boys would have to get legitimate jobs, but the reality is that, somehow, she will end up in that mansion, draped in her diamonds and wearing $700 sweat suits, yelling at the boys to do things they won’t do, just as they did when they were being filmed.

And if Carmine Agnello is really, really lucky, he will not have to ‘sleep with the fishes’.

We used to dislike Tori Spelling because she played the irritating, prudish daughter of a rich doctor on television.  She was also annoying in real life as the daughter of an obscenely rich television producer.  Although she has claimed that she got her breakout role on the original “Beverly Hills, 90210” without the influence of her father, who produced the show, her face says otherwise.  Although over the years, through either great plastic surgery or an unusually kind adolescence, she has grown to be much more physically attractive, but has steadfastly remained annoying.  She was whiny on camera, and she was whiny off camera.

Okay, Not All of This Was The Result of Adolescence. Any Guesses?

After “90210”, Tori failed to get a movie career off the ground, claiming that she had been “typecast as Donna Martin”.   She had, in reality, been typecast as “not a very good actress”.

Once again, reality television saved the day.  Regaining popularity through a few reality shows, the latest of which is in its fourth season on the Oxygen network, and writing a few books which have done well has put Tori back on top.  That, and being on the NEW “90210” series, after throwing a hissy-fit when finding out that Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth were offered more money than she was, ostensibly because they can actually act.  Anyway, she’s rolling in cash now.

Dean promised her that every year on their wedding anniversary, he would buy her a new wedding ring.  Given his track record, his word didn’t seem like much of a bond.  Just ask his first wife.  Yet he has kept his promise.  On May 7, for the third time, he put a ring on it.  This time it was a Neil Lane antique French ring with a round brilliant white diamond and a round brilliant yellow diamond, symbolizing “You and Me”.  Three days later, he presented her with a Tacori gold pendant with the letters “L” and “S”, for their children, Liam and Stella.

It’s really the least he could do.  Before he met her, he was doomed to a life of made-for-tv movies and possible infomercials. 

Tori has gushed that, “Every year when he slips it on my ring finger, it reminds me of the day he made me his wife and we started our amazing journey together as one.”

And the world collectively gags.

Mariah Carey and some guy named Nick Cannon who has, evidently, done some stuff, recently celebrated one year of blissful matrimony.  They chose to celebrate in true Mariah-style: in Las Vegas.  After exchanging wedding rings in a surprise ceremony in the Bahamas last year, they decided to make the anniversary party a major event, taking over the Palms Casino Resort for an evening of fine dining and blissful trips down memory lane.

After a dinner of surf ‘n turf, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, chocolate chip cookies and, inexplicably, crème brulee, the party moved into the Palms’ famous Moon nightclub.  Guests were treated to a video montage created by Cannon to commemorate their year together—him carrying her dog at Sundance, him carrying her dog in LA, him carrying her dog to a limo in New York.  The 39 year-old songstress was brought to tears, gushing that, “I have the best man in the whole wide world.”

Mariah, You Are Not A Size 2. Almost No One Is. Deal With It.

At the time of the engagement, rumors circulated that Cannon, in order to buy a suitably-gigantic ring, went into huge debt.  There was also talk that he had put the ring on lay-away.  He finally addressed the rumors in a post-party interview, when he said, jokingly, that he wished he could put something that big on lay-away.  He apparently makes a lot of money, although he seemed to only appear on everyone’s radar after he married Mariah Carey.  He is generally referred to as an ‘actor’ in articles. 

So the ‘actor’, when asked what he could possibly get for the woman who can buy herself anything twice, gave the only possible logical answer: a Jack Russell terrier.  Now she has two hyperactive youngsters to feed.  And her other dog, too.

Lamenting that the couple had not gone on a honeymoon, even though they married in the Bahamas, Cannon revealed that they would be taking a vacation.  After spending some time in the Maldives, they returned to LA, where Mariah has been seen looking especially zaftig and even a little jowly.  Naturally, pregnancy rumors abound. 

We have watched the roller coaster ride of Mariah Carey’s weight since the beginning of her career, so it is hard to know if the rumors are true.  With Nicole Ritchie, a baby bump is obvious.  With Mariah, it’s a little different.  She might just be chubbing out.  It happens.  Unless she has a gestation period that rivals that of the elephant, we simply cannot judge whether Mariah Carey is pregnant or not based on her weight.

Either way, congrats to the happy couple and their yipping, jumping new bundle of fur, Cha Cha.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, 72, is facing what has been dubbed “Divorce with 9 Zeroes”.  This will be his 2nd divorce. The billionaire has two children, age 42 and 40, with his first wife, Carla dall’Oglio.  His current wife, Veronica Lario, 52, is the mother of his other three, ages 24, 22, and 20.  Berlusconi now appears to be bringing ‘dirty old man’ and ‘trading up’ to an epic level. 

“Wife Trade-In III: This Time, It’ll Cost You”

The cause of his divorce is said to be 18 year-old aspiring starlet Noemi Letizia.   Current wife Lario, when announcing split, said, “I cannot be with a man who spends his time with underage women.”  Perhaps she forgot that it was that same wandering eye that brought him from Wife #1 to her in the first place.

The saga began when Berlusconi attended Noemi’s 18th birthday party, presenting her with a gold and diamond necklace.  When asked why he was attending the birthday party, he claimed to have been close to the family for years, although when pressed, could not come up with the name of Noemi’s father.  As the paparazzi took pictures of the girl, she showed off her new diamonds, telling reporters that he also offered her a car, and that she calls him “Papi”.

Originally, newspapers speculated that the teenager was actually Berlusconi’s illegitimate daughter.  Those allegations were dismissed in favor of a seedier story about the Prime Minister romancing the teenager.  Although Noemi’s father claims that he and Berlusconi “…have a good relationship, a relationship of the heart”, none of his neighbors or friends have any recollection of ever seeing or hearing about any prior interaction between the Letizias and the politician. Does anyone here smell a huge payoff?

After Noemi, who seems to only ever be photographed wearing underthings, announced to the Press, “When Papi Silvio calls, I come!” even the Pope took notice, advising the Italian Prime Minister to behave in a more exemplary way.  However, even a Papal decree couldn’t keep this cradle robber from the task at hand. 

Explains the child: “I am in awe of him.  He calls me and I go to him, if he has time.  I will stay with him for a while, listen to him…we sometimes sing together” (Corriere del Mezzogiorno).  When asked what they sing, the nubile youngster further clarifies the relationship: “Oh, what is the name of his favorite song?  Hang on, I’ll check the CD.  Here it is, it’s called ‘Mon Amour’.”

So gross.

Now, the lingerie model who has said she wants to be a showgirl has taken an interest in politics.

“I’m flexible,” she explains.

I’ll bet.

With her sights set on Parliament, the girl told an Italian newspaper, “Papi Silvio will fix it.”

Nine zeroes?  Funny.  I only count one.