Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker and gay husband Matthew Broderick are having twins!  According to the couple’s reps, they are expecting twin daughters this summer via a surrogate mother.  They are reportedly “overjoyed”.  Broderick is probably feeling grateful that he can maintain the appearance of heterosexuality without actually having to sleep with his wife.  This time, he’s on his knees thanking God for Petrie dishes.  Yay, science!

"Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman."

The couple, who exchanged wedding rings in May 1997, has a 6 year-old son, James Wilkie.  His conception continues to baffle Broadway.  When the couple attended the Tribeca Film Festival and premiere of Broderick’s new movie Wonderful World, Matthew said about his wife: “Doesn’t she look beautiful?”, successfully resisting all temptation to use the words ‘fabulous’ or ‘fierce’.

It was Sex and the City costume designer Patricia Field who pulled out the ‘F-word’, saying that the couple “could have fierce daughters.  Fierce daughters!”  Field is also relieved that she will not have to come up with clever costumes to cover another Parker pregnancy, as she did during one season of Parker’s hit show.

Parker, who held Broderick’s hand throughout the film festival, said, “I’m always thrilled to accompany my husband—pretty much at any event.”  Broderick told US Weekly that he, too, was ecstatic to have her by his side.

“I’m happy that she came out,” he said to US Weekly before the two laughed.

Yeah, we get the joke, too, kids.  “Came out.”  At least one of them has.

The couple has, evidently, been trying to expand their family for some time, without success.  Perhaps no one told them that to conceive the normal way would require seeing the other naked.  But, a source reveals, “At a certain point, they were presented with an alternative…they’ve always wanted more children and felt this was the way to go.”

Broadway was abuzz with the news on Tuesday night, when fans congratulated the soon-to-be-daddy-again as he left his performance of The Philanthropist.  The fans, apparently, knew before the many of the couple’s friends. 

Philanthropist co-star Steven Weber, after finding out, said, “That’s great news…[I’m] shocked!”

He ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie. 

Friends of the couple have said that they “love being parents” and that “they’ve wanted to become parents again for a while”.  Now, through the wonders of science and the womb of a mystery woman, they will have their chance.

And there is no doubt that, with the influences of Parker and Broderick, and, of course, “Uncle Nathan” Lane, those girls will be ‘fierce’.

Miss California Carrie Prejean has returned to her native San Diego after bombing in the Miss USA pageant.  While the 21 year-old was thisclose to winning the crown, it was a question from panelist and gossip blogger Perez Hilton that derailed her.  Had she drawn a question from any other judge—that is, to say, had God intervened—she may have won the whole diamond-encrusted schmeer.  Instead, she’s back to ribbon-cutting at the latest McDonald’s. 

"Gay is Bad. Just Don't Ask Who Designed This Dress."

When Hilton asked her what her opinion is on gay marriage, she responded, “We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.  And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.”  She quickly followed up with, “No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”  Had she been smart enough to answer diplomatically, or to lie, she might be Miss USA.  And one has to wonder how a pageant contestant can be homophobic, considering that the pageant circuit is kept alive by the biggest queens in existence. 

Have you ever seen any of the shows about pageants?  Who are the pageant coaches?  Who is designing pageant gowns?  Who are the makeup experts?  Who is teaching these women how to smile, walk AND wave all at the same time?  Who even watches those stupid things, anyway?  The answer:  gay men.  On all counts.

But Carrie Prejean stuck to her guns and answered in the only way she knew:  nervously, and erroneously.  In fact, we live in a land where you can choose gay marriage in only a few states.  And most of those states are terrified of becoming destination wedding hotspots for the gay and lesbian community (I hear Iowa is lovely in the Spring). 

Prejean received a hero’s welcome at the Rock Church, where she has found religious guidance throughout her life.  The Rock Church was founded by former San Diego Chargers defensive back Miles McPherson.  The San Diego Christian College junior even got to sit onstage, across from McPherson, during morning services. 

I know that when I’m looking for a moral compass, I turn to the NFL (“Tell me again how I can train the dog to fetch my slippers, Mr. Vick.”). 

While Prejean received a standing O at the Gospel Music Association’s Dove Awards, she will soon run out of such gatherings of bigots to welcome her.  When she begins going about the duties of Miss California, it will be interesting to see the response she gets in, say, San Francisco.  Or Hollywood. 

In her defense, the questions for this pageant were fairly political across the board.  Others were about domestic violence, immigrant access to health care, and using taxpayer money to bail out corporations.  In truth, does anyone really care what these women think?  No one watches beauty contests to hear political opinion any more than we watch the State of the Union address hoping to see a topless president.

As a way of showing that she won’t miss the diamonds and fanfare that comes with the Miss USA title, Carrie Prejean said, “I learned that God has a bigger crown than any man can give you.”

Can anybody get this girl a crown of thorns?  Anyone?

Because I would rather stick needles in my eyes and red-hot bamboo under my fingernails than talk about the made-for-the-media event in which fame-whores Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag evidently exchanged REAL wedding rings, I will, instead, talk about a naked guy.

During the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival last week, things got rowdy.  Celebrities showed up to see the likes of Paul McCartney, The Cure, Morrissey, The Killers, Groove Armada and Public Enemy.  Regular people showed up to see celebrities watching bands.  They were not disappointed.  Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, DJ AM, David Hasselhoff, Dita von Teese, and Zach Braff were all there. 

Also in attendance were Paris and Nicky Hilton and Tara Reid, undoubtedly in a competition to see Who Can Be The Most Naked.

Alas, they were outdone.  By a long, long way.  So to speak.

"Jethro, I think we're too dressed up for this here event."

Outshining all of the performers, all of the celebrities, and all of the festival hoopla was the Naked Wizard.  On April 17, 23 year-old Jonathan Felch of San Luis Obispo, realized that clothing was too restrictive for the event and decided to go native.   Ceremonially tearing off his tie-dyed purple wizard’s robe, he revealed to the world…everything.  So many people were standing around with video cameras that not a moment of young Jonathan in all his glory has escaped every media outlet possible.  A simple google search of ‘Coachella’s naked wizard’ yielded over 525,000 results. 

And the reason?  Jonathan really, really wanted to be naked, but the police, really, really wanted him to stop. 

Clearly under the influence of some mind-altering substance, Jonathan told the officers, “It doesn’t have to stop”, all the while avoiding their latex-gloved hands. 

One of the officers told him, “You can still have a great time—but you can have an even better time if you put your clothes on.”  Yeah, right.

Determined to remain in his birthday suit, Jonathan tried to evade the grasps of the officers.  Then they tased him.  They tased him so many times that it was difficult to count, even after watching the video more than once.  One of the officers drove a knee into the belly of the Naked Wizard as he lay on his back on the grass, having been tased into submission. 

The crowd booed the police officers, giving water and encouragement to Jonathan, and taped every second of the event.  Eventually, the Naked Wizard was taken into custody, arrested, and released. 

Somewhere out there is a mohel with a very unsteady hand.

Not only does Basel, Switzerland get to boast the most amazing diamond jewelry district in the world, not only does it have more millions in loose diamonds than any other place on earth, but it also boasts Roger Federer as a native.  This Saturday, in a town storied for diamonds and romance, Roger Federer married his preggers girlfriend, Mirka Vavrinek.  He announced the wedding on his personal website.  Straight women all over the world sighed a collective “Come ON” after hearing that the champion-of-everything-not-Australian exchanged wedding rings with his honey. 

Just Give Up, Ladies.

After a season during which we lost to marriage:
 Tom Brady (makes football worth watching)
 Josh Duhamel (don’t know what show he’s on, don’t care)
 Michael C. Hall (Sexiest Serial Killer)
Bruce Willis (hot even now)
Ryan Reynolds (Canadian, but still hot)
Timbaland (we still likes the beats and tha bling)
And David Letterman (laughing is important)

…it seems foolish to go on.  Are they any good-looking, heterosexual, talented top-earning men to hope for anymore?  As we lose Roger Federer, and having seen his reaction after losing his Number One ranking to Rafael Nadal, we are only left with one question:  who do you think cried more at the ceremony, the bride or the groom?

The ultra-conservative, right-wing Republican nest that is Iowa recently, somehow, has legalized gay marriage.  On Friday, the Iowa Supreme Court upheld a lower-court ruling that rejected a state law defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman.  The only chance that the reactionaries have is to go for a constitutional amendment, which can’t happen until 2012 at the earliest.  According to political dinosaur Bryan English, spokesman for the Iowa Family Policy Center, “I would say the mood is one of mourning right now.”  US Representative Steve King, R-Iowa, is supporting residency requirements for marriage, so gays and lesbians don’t descend on the heartland in droves, with their flannel shirts and great decorating tips.  He fears that, without such requirements, Iowa could become “the gay marriage Mecca”.

The Gays Are Coming! The Gays Are Coming!

I can’t speak for the gays and lesbians here, but my guess is that any trip to Iowa would be only for the ceremony.  Having exchanged their wedding rings, they will probably escape the Hawkeye State before their souls die, and before they are chased out by villagers bearing torches.  Iowans need not worry that their state will be overrun with gays and lesbians for any great length of time, as gays are as likely to be accepted in Iowa as Sarah Palin would be at a GLAAD meeting. 

And speaking of the prodigal Palins, it seems that Bristol Palin, after calling off her wedding to Baby-daddy Levi Johnston, has lost her ability to keep the lipstick on that pig.  Levi did what any young man with a story to tell must do: go on the Tyra Banks Show.   In his revealing interview, Levi explains that Bristol’s pregnancy resulted from some kind of “wardrobe malfunction”.  This was either a poor choice of words, or great insight into how Alaskans Do It Better. 

Sarah Palin, continuing to stop just short of claiming a virgin birth, issued a statement that, “Bristol’s focus will remain on raising Tripp, completing her education, and advocating abstinence.”   What’s that saying about shutting the barn door after the horse has already escaped? 

It’s been a tough week for the Right Wing.