Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Somehow, the generally-misogynist, testosterone-fueled bastion of maleness that is American Football finally found its limit.  The NFL joined CTV (the Canadian broadcaster of yesterday’s Superbowl) in banning ads for Ashley Madison, a website that reads: “Life Is Short.  Have An Affair.”  Ashley Madison was denied a spot in the Superbowl program before the NFL even looked at the ad.  Noel Biderman, president of Ashley Madison, found the hypocrisy of running ad after ad for alcohol, that there is no reason they shouldn’t run an print ad that reads: “WHO are you doing after the game?” with a picture of an oiled-up, scantily-clad, nearly-faceless woman straddling a football.

Certainly, this guy should act as our moral compass.

I Just Threw Up A Little.

The television ad, though banned in Canada, was approved by ESPN, CNN, Fox News, Bravo, and TLC.  It is a fairly innocent-looking ad, with a woman sitting across the table from her inattentive husband on their anniversary.  When he quickly leaves, ostensibly for something work-related, the woman makes eye contact with another man across the room and raises her eyebrows.  Then we see the words “Ashley Madison, When Divorce Isn’t An Option.”  Then the ‘o’ in ‘Madison’ falls down and makes the subtle sound of a wedding ring falling against a tabletop. 

Are you kidding me?  Have we so completely lost our collective consciences and ethics to the point that we encourage a company to pay $3 million for a 30-second ad that encourages adultery?

Evidently, we have.  Biderman explains that Ashley Madison doesn’t convince anyone to cheat, but it offers them a convenient, online option once they have decided to do so.  In a press release, he stated that “Physical intimacy is no different than requiring oxygen to breathe or water to drink.  If it’s missing in your relationship, I don’t care who you are…you’re going to step outside the relationship.”  Perhaps Biderman chooses to equate “physical intimacy” with “anonymous sex with internet freaks”.  Perhaps Biderman himself chooses to justify unconscionable behavior by comparing the need to get some with the need for air.  Maybe he should just get a dog.  On the other hand, scratch that.

Soon, he’ll be expounding the biological need of a man to spread his seed, that it isn’t natural for a man to be with just one woman.  This argument, the “Men Are Like Lions” Manifesto, is flawed for 2 reasons: 1. Female lions are the ones most likely to be polygamous, and 2. We are higher on the evolutionary scale than lions, and have the ability to make informed choices.

This perfectly-innocent company boasts on its website that it has the 2nd best female-to-male ratio on the internet, at nearly 2-to1.  It offers options for single men and women seeking singles as well, attached men and women seeking opposite sex, men seeking men, and women seeking women.  There is a list of interests, ranging from cooking to bondage. 

A friend once took me to a website called “OnlineBootyCall.com”, and I was horrified.  But at least it was filthy and on the down-low and didn’t claim to be otherwise.  But Ashley Madison, with its well-organized, attractive, easy-to-navigate website, claims to be classy, even though, in the top right-hand corner of each page are the words “Life Is Short.  Have An Affair.”  And the television ads, which end with the words: “When Divorce Isn’t An Option”, well, that’s charming. 

Maybe it’s just me, but hoovering all of the romance out of relationships and going world-wide to advertise and encourage infidelity, well, that’s just a little sad.  Besides, if the NFL—with its reputation of violence, of players shooting themselves and others, of convictions in criminal court for animal cruelty—won’t run the ads because the concept is too tasteless, it’s got to be really, really bad.  Nonetheless, Biderman has gone on Tyra Banks, Ellen DeGeneres, and CNN to justify his website.  Too bad Jerry Springer isn’t on the air anymore.

Ashley Madison is trying to ring the final death knell for romance and good taste. 

“SWF seeking man without internet access.”

For those of us with less-than-zero interest in football, we nonetheless find ourselves crowding around a rented giant-screen television at someone’s beer-soaked Superbowl party.  When the die-hard football fans get up to get a fresh beer, another hot dog, more nachos, and make a trip to the bathroom, the rest of us settle in to watch the best part of the game–the ads.

Television advertising is at its most expensive during the Superbowl, because, in theory, the most people will be watching those ads.  At $3million for a 30-second spot, companies are counting on a gigantic audience.  This is troubling for two reasons: 1. In these difficult economic times, should companies be wasting money like that for 30 seconds that may or may not be seen by the estimated 1 million viewers, and 2. Do these same companies not realize that commercials are when most viewers generally get up to pee away the last MGD?

U Can, Evidently, Touch This.

These troubling economic times are precisely the reason that the previously-ridiculed Cash4Gold, a company that offers money for precious metals, is spending that kind of green on advertising.  And they didn’t just get some actor or ‘not-only-the-Cash4Gold-president to star in their ads.  They pulled in the big guns, and for bargain-basement prices, no doubt.

This year, MC Hammer (who might just be called “Hammer” now) and Ed McMahon, former sidekick of Johnny Carson.  Both have been very open about their ongoing financial issues.  MC Hammer, who launched a style of clothing that made flourescent t-shirts seem tasteful, was made famous in 1990 with the song “U Can’t Touch This”.  Anyone alive at that time was aware of the silly pants and the dance that made them necessary.  Through a series of bad business decisions and unwise investments, MC Hammer lost everything and became a minister and part-time gangster rapper.  Ed McMahon, was Johnny Carson’s right-hand man–and object of most of his jokes–for years.  He is perhaps most remembered for his bizarre, deep laughter that was later immortalized by Phil Hartman on Saturday Night Live.  McMahon has been in financial trouble and nearly lost his Beverly Hills estate, but he was rescued by a company called Foreclosure Trackers.  Lucky guy.

Now, these two formerly-rich, formerly-famous, and formerly borderline-dignified celebrities are selling their souls, and gold, to Cash4Gold.  Along with Joe Average American, they are willing to sell precious possessions–including gold, diamonds, and jewelry–to make ends meet.  In one of the ads, MC Hammer is debating whether to sell his gold pants, gold records, or his gold sledghammer, while, in another ad, McMahon debates whether or not to sell his gold hip replacement.

O, how the mighty have fallen.

On the upside, Cash4Gold is experiencing a record year.  According to COO Jeff Aronson, the “original customer was sending in very low-grade gold.  As the recession and the economic times have gotten worse, the quality of the items we’ve gotten has gotten much better.”  He even proudly adds that, six months ago, they introduced a new unit that buys used Rolex, Cartier, and other luxury-brand jewelry.

Good for you, Cash4Gold!  I hope that helps you sleep at night.

While MC Hammer and Ed McMahon may have made poor business choices, how do we not feel bad that they have to embarrass themselves for the sake of these blood-suckers who will drop close to $6million for 2 Superbowl ads, who probably have box seats at the game, and who, probably, do not brake for children while they drive their Hummers home from the office?

I’m just thinking out loud here, but I can think of a better use for MC Hammer’s gold sledgehammer.

Batter up!