For those of us with less-than-zero interest in football, we nonetheless find ourselves crowding around a rented giant-screen television at someone’s beer-soaked Superbowl party.  When the die-hard football fans get up to get a fresh beer, another hot dog, more nachos, and make a trip to the bathroom, the rest of us settle in to watch the best part of the game–the ads.

Television advertising is at its most expensive during the Superbowl, because, in theory, the most people will be watching those ads.  At $3million for a 30-second spot, companies are counting on a gigantic audience.  This is troubling for two reasons: 1. In these difficult economic times, should companies be wasting money like that for 30 seconds that may or may not be seen by the estimated 1 million viewers, and 2. Do these same companies not realize that commercials are when most viewers generally get up to pee away the last MGD?

U Can, Evidently, Touch This.

U Can, Evidently, Touch This.

These troubling economic times are precisely the reason that the previously-ridiculed Cash4Gold, a company that offers money for precious metals, is spending that kind of green on advertising.  And they didn’t just get some actor or ‘not-only-the-Cash4Gold-president to star in their ads.  They pulled in the big guns, and for bargain-basement prices, no doubt.

This year, MC Hammer (who might just be called “Hammer” now) and Ed McMahon, former sidekick of Johnny Carson.  Both have been very open about their ongoing financial issues.  MC Hammer, who launched a style of clothing that made flourescent t-shirts seem tasteful, was made famous in 1990 with the song “U Can’t Touch This”.  Anyone alive at that time was aware of the silly pants and the dance that made them necessary.  Through a series of bad business decisions and unwise investments, MC Hammer lost everything and became a minister and part-time gangster rapper.  Ed McMahon, was Johnny Carson’s right-hand man–and object of most of his jokes–for years.  He is perhaps most remembered for his bizarre, deep laughter that was later immortalized by Phil Hartman on Saturday Night Live.  McMahon has been in financial trouble and nearly lost his Beverly Hills estate, but he was rescued by a company called Foreclosure Trackers.  Lucky guy.

Now, these two formerly-rich, formerly-famous, and formerly borderline-dignified celebrities are selling their souls, and gold, to Cash4Gold.  Along with Joe Average American, they are willing to sell precious possessions–including gold, diamonds, and jewelry–to make ends meet.  In one of the ads, MC Hammer is debating whether to sell his gold pants, gold records, or his gold sledghammer, while, in another ad, McMahon debates whether or not to sell his gold hip replacement.

O, how the mighty have fallen.

On the upside, Cash4Gold is experiencing a record year.  According to COO Jeff Aronson, the “original customer was sending in very low-grade gold.  As the recession and the economic times have gotten worse, the quality of the items we’ve gotten has gotten much better.”  He even proudly adds that, six months ago, they introduced a new unit that buys used Rolex, Cartier, and other luxury-brand jewelry.

Good for you, Cash4Gold!  I hope that helps you sleep at night.

While MC Hammer and Ed McMahon may have made poor business choices, how do we not feel bad that they have to embarrass themselves for the sake of these blood-suckers who will drop close to $6million for 2 Superbowl ads, who probably have box seats at the game, and who, probably, do not brake for children while they drive their Hummers home from the office?

I’m just thinking out loud here, but I can think of a better use for MC Hammer’s gold sledgehammer.

Batter up!

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