Chris Brown Shoulda Been Hanging Out With Michael Phelps
As the days pass, more and more details come out regarding singer Chris Brown’s assault on his girlfriend—and probable fiancé—singer Rihanna. The couple, together since 2007, apparently got into a fight after Clive Davis’s Pre-Grammy party. Rihanna grabbed the car keys and threw them out the window, and, after trying without success to find them, Brown ran back to the car, put his hands around his girlfriend’s neck screaming “I’m going to kill you!”. Neighbors who heard the argument called police, who found Rihanna alone in the rented Laborghini with a split lip, bruises, and bite marks. She was taken to Cedars-Sinai for treatment.
They'll Love Him For This In Prison.
Beginning in August of 2008, rumors of an engagement began swirling around when Rihanna was seen wearing a 20-carat princess-cut engagement ring on her finger. Since she was wearing it on her right hand, most assumed it was just a gift or promise ring. In January 2009, Rihanna again appeared with a new, diamond-encrusted engagement ring, this time on her left hand, and the rumors began again. Although the couple is very young, with Brown at only 19 years old and Rihanna at 20, they have been virtually inseparable since they began dating.
According to a source contacted by the New York Daily News, Brown began the argument when “He got a booty call. He got a text. Rihanna saw it and got upset. They started to argue.” From there, it escalated into the beat-down that resulted in Rihanna’s injuries.
In retrospect, it seems likely that the extravagant diamond jewelry Brown gave to Rihanna might have been apologies for previous beatings, as domestic violence is seldom a one-time event, and usually starts smaller than a public beating on a well-traveled street in the Hollywood Hills. Since the event, Rihanna has not been responding to any of Brown’s attempts to contact her.
Kanye West, who has never kept his mouth shut about anything, ever, put his two cents in about the incident. On Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday, West said “I was completely devastated by the concept of what I heard…Rihanna is so important to our culture…to pop music. I feel like she is the most important artist in music and has the most potential…she has the potential to be the greatest artist of all time.”
While Rihanna’s popularity definitely shows her to be a great singer, West’s exaltation of her as ‘the greatest artist of all time’ might be something of a stretch. What is most surprising about West’s statement is that he did not claim that he is the greatest artist of all time, and we should all, therefore, listen to him.
Certainly, domestic abuse is not something to be taken lightly, and everyone is wishing only the best for Rihanna as she goes through this difficult time. The Los Angeles Police Department is trying to do a thorough investigation, given that Kanye West is waiting for them to make a mistake, and they are still investigating the events of that night. So far, they are still waiting for evidence to come in before they give the case to the District Attorney’s office.
So far, Brown has lost his endorsement deals with Wrigley’s Gum, and he will no longer be featured in the “Milk: It Does A Body Good” ads, for all the obvious reasons.
Michael Phelps, after using his super-powered swimmer’s lungs to pull a fantastic bonghit in front of cameras last week, lost his endorsement deal with Kellogg’s, but still maintains deals with Visa, Speedo, Omega Watches, PureSports sports drinks, and, of course, Subway, whose business is frequented by people who have recently pulled hits and have munchies to satisfy.
A wise man once said: “The only violence a pot-smoker will commit is against a bag of Chips Ahoy.” Perhaps Chris Brown needs to stop imitating Michael Jackson’s crotch-grabbing and semi-pornographic facial expressions (he even retained Michael Jackson’s former attorney, Mark Geragos), and sit down with a nice bag of the Wacky to relax. I don’t think they Keebler Elves will be able to visit him once he gets to prison.