In a move the world has been expecting since they married in 2000, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are turning in their wedding rings and looking to improve on last year’s model, finally publicly announcing their plans to divorce.  Guy Ritchie, 40, proposed to Madonna with an Edwardian 3-stone diamond engagement ring, thus beginning a Hollywood trend of 3-stone engagements rings as the only jewelry choice for all the celebrities, including Sharon Stone, Toni Braxton and Keri Russell.  Madonna, known to be a trend-setter since she first donned lace leggings and a “boy toy” necklace in the 1980s, accepted his proposal and they married in an outrageously lavish wedding in which she wore a diamond tiara and he, a kilt.

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Both Madonna and Guy seem to be trading up in their new relationships.  Ritchie has been seen checking into the same hotel as Kelly Reilly, 31, who stars in his new project “Sherlock Holmes”, although he clearly has a few homes to go to in England.  Madonna seemed to move from one kind of diamond to another, amid rumors of an affair with New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez, 33. He was seen arriving at her Central Park West Apartment on several different nights and became an avid follower of Kabbalah, Madonna’s adopted religion.

It was well-known that the religion issue was a bone of contention between Madonna and Guy, as she was adamant about her children following Kabbalah, although Ritchie himself, was not observant.  It also appeared that her “Kabbalah Anger Management Class” didn’t really work, after she slapped Ritchie and complained that she “…should have married someone like [her]: strong, hot-blooded, intelligent, ambitious, and spiritual”, according to US Magazine.  She was also heard on stage in New York referring to her soon-to-be-ex  as “emotionally retarded”.  If she was looking for hot-blooded and impassioned, one might ask why she married a Brit in the first place.

Guy Ritchie took a few swings back, so to speak, revealing that Madonna won’t allow her children to watch television or eat anything that isn’t macrobiotic, and that she sleeps every night slathered in $1,000 per jar skin cream and a plastic bodysuit to prevent aging.  According to “The Guardian”, she also would write sex into her schedule, around her 4-hour workouts and dragging the kids to endless Kabbalah classes.  This is probably when the romance died for Ritchie.

Prior to her latest ill-fated marriage, Madonna had been a sort-of Anglophile for years, incorporating a ridiculous cockney accent into her stage shows in the late 1990s, dating a few British men, and becoming friends with other American-Celebrities-Wanting-To-Be-British like Gwyneth Paltrow and actual Brits like Sting and Stella McCartney.  In perhaps her first truly British moment, Madonna, when asked why she was finally admitting to the divorce, told a source that she “…can not live with the pretence any longer”.  At least the spelling was British.

Madonna has reinvented herself once again on the cover of her new album “Hard Candy”, displaying a “knuckleduster”, the 258-diamond equivalent of brass knuckles.  Evidently, she has made garish displays of diamond jewellery popular outside the hip-hop community, combining that $800,000 display with a diamond cross around her neck.  Evidently, diamond knuckledusters and  diamond crosses have become all the rage–all over the world–as a result of Madonna’s influence.   One can only hope that her influence ends there.

Suzanne Gannon

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