Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Britney Spears seemed to be finally bouncing her way back towards mental health, even after the head-shaving, the baby-dropping, and the colossal embarrassment of her lip-syched performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.  Fans were willing to give her a second, third, fourth, and hundredth chance to prove that she could return to her former scantily-clad, booty-shaking, munchkin-voiced self.  And she was well on her way, with two consecutive albums bearing hits like “Piece of Me” and “Womanizer”.  Her ‘Circus’ tour has been massively successful, and everyone was all about loving Britney again.

Costume or Not, Is This The Outfit of a Sane Person?

Now she’s gone and gotten herself engaged again.  Maybe.  Starting as early as mid-June, rumors of a proposal by boyfriend and manager Jason Trawick were all over the media.  Immediately, Britney’s people denied the rumors.  But then she was seen just last weekend shopping with Trawick in Los Angeles, and she was actively flaunting a diamond engagement ring on her left hand.  Still, neither one confirmed anything.  It is only this month that the pair even confirmed that they were dating.

At least Brit-Brit seems to be heading in the right direction.  If she does marry Trawick, an entertainment manager, that would be a step up from her previous marriage to Kevin Federline, a back-up dancer.  And even Federline seemed a step up from her prior marriage to her high school sweetheart Jason Alexander.  Those happy nuptials lasted just under 55 hours. 

This would be the third marriage, the second Jason, and the first time she wasn’t drunk at the time.

Evidently, the proposal came while the two were on vacation in the Bahamas.  A source revealed that “He didn’t exactly get down on one knee, but Brit didn’t care.”  What does that mean, “he didn’t exactly get down on one knee”?  Did he casually mention it over dinner?  Did he yell “here, catch!” and toss a ring at her while she watched “Spongebob”?  Did he ask while she was in the bathroom?

Regardless, if the rumors are even true, Britney wants this wedding to be a much classier affair.  Shouldn’t be too hard to top one wedding to which she wore jeans and a baseball cap and another where the groomsmen wore matching sweatsuits that said ‘Pimp’ on the back.  Our best wishes to the happy couple.  Or not.  Depending on which source you ask.  Whatever.

Columbia, SC – For those of us who have lived—or still live in—South Carolina, talk of Republican Governor Mark Sanford’s scandalous disappearance, excuses, and later confessions has truly gotten old. So old, in fact, that we are no longer posting updates on his foolishness on our Facebook pages. But some things are just too funny to not share. Of course, condolences go out to my friends who live on Sullivan’s Island, SC, from where wife Jenny Sanford has been making her statements. Such a beautiful island. Such a massive moron for a Governor. He should be banished to North Chuck.

Last week, Governor Mark Sanford was declared “missing” after the media realized he had not been seen in several days. His wife Jenny was surprisingly unconcerned. His staff then released a statement that he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail”, since he is such an outdoors-y guy. The media did not fail to notice that he chose this “Appalachian Trail” over spending time with his kids on Father’s Day. While some of us could only hear banjo music and quote lines from “Deliverance”, Sanford informed his staff that he would return on Wednesday.

This Is How The Governor Woos His Women.

When his return included a flight from Argentina, well, the soundtrack turned salsa and the quotes were more Richard Nixon-esque. He returned to Columbia to hold a press conference about what the entire state of South Carolina now knew was a long-term affair with an Argentinian woman. The government immediately began to question some expenses covered by the State that involved an earlier trip to South America. Fox News immediately began to call Sanford a Democrat. Rush Limbaugh immediately blamed it on President Barack Obama. So it goes.

Then the emails were found. Oh precious electronic ballads of love!

Mark Sanford evidently fancies himself something of a poet, mixing the mundane details of his day with romantic verse about his forbidden love.

Some of the finer points of Sanford’s Songs of Seduction:

Regarding his love of the outdoors and physical labor: “It is admittedly weird but one of my more favorite ways of escaping the norms, constant phone calls and formalities that go with the office – and it probably fits with my weakness in doing rather than being – though you opened up a new chapter last week wherein I was happy and content just being. Last point worth further discussion.”

How did Maria feel upon seeing the tender, loving words, “Last point worth further discussion”? One can only hope her English is on par with his fidelity.

Regarding his upcoming schedule: “Three thoughts in one note now that I have a moment. One the travel schedule is about to get real busy…Tomorrow night back to Philadelphia for the start of the National Governor’s Conference…Back to Columbia for Tuesday and then on Wednesday, as I think I had told you, taking the family to China, Tibet, Nepal, India, Thailand, and then back through Hong Kong on world wind tour.”

Here, we learn that Sanford must have gone to the same high school as the former Miss Teen South Carolina.

He goes on to say that: “The following weekend have been asked to spend it out in Aspen, Colorado with McCain – which has kicked up the whole VP talk all over again in the press back home.”

Yeah, you can knock that right off your schedule, Sparky.

After waxing poetic about her “full tank of love in the emotional bank account”, the Governor then quotes scripture: “I looked to where I often look for advice and counsel, and in I Corinthians 13 it simply says that, ‘Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude, Love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice in the wrong, but rejoices in the right, Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.’

Yeah, that’s the verse that won Owen Wilson’s character 20 bucks in “Wedding Crashers”.

Alas, it seems that, despite his love of scripture, he managed to forget the bit about adultery. Perhaps he should have considered the meaning of the wedding rings he and his wife wore before he ran off for a Carnaval del Amor.

Having originally told his wife that he wanted some time away to work on writing a book, well, it looks like the Governor will probably get his wish. He’ll have plenty of time. And at least he’ll have good stories to tell.

LeBron James is 2009’s NBA MVP.  You’d have to live under a rock not to know this.  He completely dominated the season and kicked the very tall tail of Kobe Bryant, last year’s MVP.  Receiving a ridunkulous number of votes, he left poor Kobe in a distant 2nd place.

And people love LeBron.  They love him for his humor, for his incessant media butt-kissing, his completely adorable son (LeBron Jr., of course), and, most of all, for his incessant media butt-kissing.  There’s one thing you have to say about LeBron James: He knows how to work a crowd.  He can get the crowd behind him, he can get the city behind him, he can get the whole NBA behind him.  He can even scare the bejeezus out of everyone at the 2007 ESPY Awards when he appears to slam-dunk his newborn, and we still want to cuddle up next to life-size LeBron dolls. 

We'd Rather He Go Naked Than Wear A Stupid-Looking T-Shirt.

Just add a home video camera and you’ve got LeBron II: the sequel, age 4, shooting hoops and going viral on YouTube.  Even his 4-year old gets mad press.

Endorsements, commercials, and Sneaker deals, oh my!

Dude can even go on Saturday Night Live and not make a total fool of himself.  Other athletes have not fared so well in the acting arena (I SAW you on “Sabrina, the Teenaged Witch”, Brady Anderson).  A special nod goes to David Wells and David Cone for appearing on SNL in drag, however, back in the day.

And then Kobe Bryant goes, MVP-less, into the NBA finals, and emerges a winner.  That would be his 4th NBA Championship diamond ring and this one without Shaquille O’Neal.  The MacDaddy of prizes:  The NBA Championship Trophy.  He wasn’t league MVP, but he got the Big Prize.

Not to be forgotten, LeBron decided he should wear his title a little more proudly.  That is, he had t-shirts made that read “LBJ MVP”.  In case we forgot.  He may not have won the War, but he did win a great battle, and we’d better not forget it.  Okay, one super-size t-shirt declaring his greatness.  Not so unusual for a professional athlete.  Bravado is part of the game. 

Then our cuddly-as-a-box-full-of-kittens LeBron surfaces in St. Tropez wearing a t-shirt that says: “Check My $tats”.  Lest we forget that he is well paid in Cleveland, we must also remember his endorsement deals, his magazine covers, and, tragically, a movie called “More Than A Game”.  Hopefully, this will be a strict documentary and not have same stomach-churning, eye-averting effect that Shaquille O’Neal’s “Blue Chips” or “Kazaam” had on us.  Time will tell.  Regardless, LeBron James, age 24, could buy and sell us all several times over.

But really, LeBron, we like you.  Your charm in the media has endeared you to us, despite your colossal size and tendency to repeat yourself.  You really needn’t remind us that you won a prestigious award and make a lot of money.  We get it.

Now but some plain white t-shirts before you turn into a deeply-tanned Bill Laimbeer.

And In Other News: The Sun Came Up Today

Los Angeles, California – Actress (or whatever she does) Lindsay Lohan has, evidently, been behaving strangely in the past week or two.  This is different in some way than the normal level of strangeness in her behavior.  This time, LiLo may have actually turned felon! 

On June 6, Lindsay was posing for a spread in Elle magazine wearing $400,000 worth of Christian Dior diamond jewelry.  After the photo shoot, the jewels seemed to have gone missing.  A spokespers on for Scotland Yard has stated that they “will be speaking to a number of people”, including Lohan, who is not a newcomer to the concept of co-opting other people’s stuff.  In 2007, she kept some clothes loaned to Elle by Louis Vuitton.  Several months later, she was photographed by the paparazzi leaving a party wearing a fur coat that wasn’t hers.  After seeing the pictures in the press, the owner went public, and Lindsay settled the issue by returning the coat and probably parting with a good amount of cash as well.  While it is not unusual for celebrities to keep a pair of shoes or some clothes after a photo shoot, almost half a million dollars worth of diamonds is something else altogether.  Dior is understandably upset.  Elle has no explanation yet.

If Lindsay Lohan (right) Steals Anything, I hope It's Food.

Although some may blame Lindsay’s recent erratic behavior on heartbreak after longtime girlfriend and sparring partner Samantha Ronson supposedly kicked her to the curb, ‘erratic’ is sort of her baseline.  The admitted alcoholic and drug addict has been carried out of clubs, berated by a film producer for tardiness and bad attitude, posted nonsensical rants on her blog and Twitter page, and had public, physical fights with her girlfriend.

All that, and she’s only 22.  So much to accomplish in such a short time.

And yet, with all of that, she is still bored enough to post old topless photographs of herself on her Twitter page.  One would think being investigated by Scotland Yard would make a girl behave, but not this girl.  Although she has not, according to even people dying to rat on her, started drinking again, she was seen in a club dancing on the stripper pole and screaming at a man for no reason at all. 

That’s gotta be the malnutrition talking.

During her relationship with Ronson, Lindsay put on enough LBs to actually look healthy.  Now that things have gone sour, she has returned to looking like a beach ball with a weave balancing on a couple of toothpicks.

Investigations have not turned up any news yet, and, despite Lohan’s inherent strangeness and aberrant behavior, it seems highly unlikely that she would steal that much.  There’s a big difference between getting hammered and walking out of a party with someone’s coat and committing a Class-A Felony.

If she does end up in jail, though, I hope someone gets that girl a sandwich or two.

Many of us were mildly interested when we found out the MC Hammer (He goes by “Hammer” or “Stanley” now) had signed on for his own reality show.  Having already seen him on the first season of VH1’s “The Surreal Life”, we all knew that we wouldn’t be seeing the over-the-top, parachute-pants-wearing dancing rapper with a penchant for wearing thick gold chains and giant diamond pendants.  This is Stanley the Ordained Minister who wears cable-knit sweaters, who lives in the suburbs, who has been with the same wife for 24 years.

"Please Hammer, Don't Bore Us."

Certainly, from the height of his “U Can’t Touch This” fame to his 1996 bankruptcy to his lovely-but-modest home in rural Tracy, California, MC Hammer has been through a lot.  He now makes a living with speaking engagements, the occasional concert, and his ever-growing social media entrepreneurship.  He has a blog, runs an online dance community called DanceJam.com, is followed by nearly 800,000 people on Twitter, and has a Hammertime iPhone application.  He is planning to release a new album, and is thinking about writing an autobiography. 

And thank you, reality television, for giving us back Hammer.  Until he appeared on the first season of the Surreal Life in 2003, he was struggling.  The show was a positively mind-numbingly boring waste of time, featuring the brainy chick from 90210, Corey Feldman without his drugs, Emmanuel “Don’t Call Me Webster” Lewis, whoever Jerri Manthey is, Vince Neil, and someone called Brande Roderick (the name makes me think she was probably in Playboy—I could google it, but…nah).  It lacked the ‘train wreck’ aspect of other VH1 endeavors like “Flavor of Love”, “Celebrity Fit Club”, “Breaking Bonaduce”, or even the relatively uninteresting “Scott Baio is 45…and in desperate need of a job single”.   But it got Hammer back into the public consciousness, and it taught VH1 a lesson.  Hammer would have to be ordinary on another network.

At least in Season 2, they put Tammy Faye in the same house as Ron Jeremy.  That was fun waiting to happen. 

And now we find ourselves not on the ‘watch-former-celebrities-fall-apart’ network VH1, but rather on A&E.  Yes, Arts and Entertainment.   The only truly great thing that has come out of the show is this viral video advertising it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfxCnZ4Dp3c

Hammer explains the show by saying that, “There’s a big part of American Life missing from the genre.  A lot of people out there get up at 6 in the morning and work hard to send their kids to college and guide them through life.  That’s real American family life.” 

Yes, yes it is, Hammer, and we get to see it every single day of our mundane lives.  We watch reality TV to enjoy watching other people make fools of themselves for…anything.  We want to watch 80’s sex symbol Kelly LeBrock sweating like a herd animal to melt away the pounds she gained over the years.  We want to watch Danny Bonaduce drunk-dial the wife who kicked him out.  We want to see women actually competing in humiliating challenges for the opportunity to date Flavor Flav.  And we most definitely want to see who will come out on top in “America’s Most Smartest Model”. 

We’ve got humdrum covered.  Even Jon & Kate figured that out, and their ratings reflect it.

Alex Rodriguez has been all over the media not just because of his accomplishments on the baseball diamond or his alleged steroid use, but because of his alleged affair with Madonna.  Soon-to-be-ex-wife Cynthia Rodriguez claims that it was his relationship with the pop singer that broke up their 6-year marriage.  Those of us who have followed Madonna’s career—which, essentially, means anyone who has existed in this planet in the last 20 years—know that she not only has a taste for Latin men (who can forget her lustfully chasing the very-married Antonio Banderas in her movie “Truth or Dare”?), but that she has a taste for fresh meat as well (father of first child Lourdes is Carlos Leon is 8 years her junior and ex-husband Guy Ritchie is 11 years her junior). 

When Madonna brought “fresh meat” to a whole new level, trading in the 33-year old Yankees 3rd Baseman for the then 21-year old Brazilian model Jesus Luz, poor A-Rod was in a tailspin.  Sure, he could go back to dating exotic dancers while on the road, just as he had while he was still with his wife, but the magic was gone.  He needed someone exciting and different, but who wouldn’t chew him up and spit him out once his juicy youthful flavor was gone.

Hudson, Clearly Thrilled To Be At Another Sold Out Yankees Game

Then his real estate broker and friend Adam Modlin suggested he go out with actress Kate Hudson, who was on hiatus from sometime-boyfriend Owen Wilson.  When A-Rod first met Hudson in 2008, he was still in the throes of his relationship with Madonna.  Had he strayed from her vice-like grasp, there’s no telling what she might have done to him.  When he met Hudson again recently, they hit it off and became the talk of New York.

Cute-as-a button Hudson, who inexplicably exchanged wedding rings with Black Crowes front man Chris Robinson in 2000 (they divorced in 2007 after the THC in her brain cleared), began going to Yankees games, even bringing their son along to cheer on her new man.  The new couple was seen smooching and holding hands at the 40/40 club, and he introduced her to some of his friends.  The way to tell if a relationship with a baseball player is getting serious is if the player talks to his teammates about the girl outside the clubhouse.  So this must be serious.  As for Hudson, she is trying to learn about baseball, and has evidently hired someone to teach her the rules.  Evidently, reading a book or two was out of the question for the actress.

Although things are hot and heavy, ballplayers are not known for their fidelity and Kate Hudson is known for serial-dating.  We’ll see how it goes.  At least they’re both in the same age group this time.

Rapper T-Pain is well-known and respected in the hip hop community, having collaborated with some of the biggest names in the business.  He also appeared in the SNL short-gone-viral-video “I’m On a Boat”, with Andy Samberg and Akiva Schaffer.  After working with big names like Akon, Bow Wow, T.I., Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, Kanye West, Rick Ross, and Ludacris, it seems like T-Pain’s star continues to rise. 

While some rappers are lamenting the bad economy and scaling back on their “bling”, which, evidently, they don’t call it anymore, T-Pain has gone about 80 steps beyond NOT scaling back.

After Mr. Thomas Beatie famously gave birth to his second child on June 9, T-Pain has now famously given birth to a very, very large diamond necklace.  It makes Lil Jon’s “Crunk Ain’t Dead” chain look like a bauble.  It makes Paul Wall’s diamond-encrusted grill look tasteful and elegant. 

Really, What More Can I Add?

About his new piece of jewelry, T-Pain says, “I just figured I had to shut down something, some part of the game.  I thought I did it with Auto-Tune, and so I guess I gotta do it with jewelry…just show ‘em where the money’s comin’ from.  You know what I’m sayin’?”

Yes, yes we DO know what you’re saying, Mr. Pain.  Now that you have popularized a computer program that eliminates the need to give a good vocal performance at live shows (Auto-Tune, now admittedly used by artists like Faith Hill and Tim McGraw), you have to do something else to shock us.  So what did you do?  You got a Big-Ass Chain. 

Literally.  Pain’s new neckwear is 197 carats of diamonds set in gold, and it reads in ENORMOUS letters: “BIG ASS CHAIN”.  It is actually secured around his neck by several thick chains, as the ‘pendant’ (it feels so wrong to call it that) weighs 7 ½ pounds, which is, coincidentally, what his baby girl weighed at birth.  So this is his new baby.

And, despite the scandal that claims producer Rick Ross is wearing fake diamonds because of the recession, Mr. Pain assures us that his new diamond necklace is “Very very real I don’t know what fake feel like.  $410,000.  Hola senor recession proof.  With 32 cars.  Oldest child 5 and already got 4 million in her own account.  I don’t do dumb [stuff] like this till I know the fams good.  So don’t judge me frm what I buy.   Judge me frm what I do…but thanx yo”[sic all over the place].

I am fairly certain that he is saying the new necklace is made of real diamonds and cost $410,000, that he owns 32 cars, and that his 5-year old is well-taken care of.  And he thanks us.

No, thank YOU, T-Pain.  Thank YOU.

Not Even This Weave Could Protect Him From Harm.

Bret Michaels, frontman of the Hair Metal band Poison, was tragically injured at the Tony Awards on June 7th just after he and his band performed “Nothin’ But A Good Time”.  Oh, the irony!  Unfortunately, his trademark hairpiece, bandanna, and cowboy hat (can you say “overcompensating”?) failed to protect him when a descending piece of scenery crashed down on him as Stockard Channing burst into song on another stage in Radio City Music Hall.

The band—safely tucked behind the ‘Descending Scenery Area’—rushed to their singer’s aid, hindered only by their hysterical, convulsive laughter. 

They found the singer “pretty bruised up”, according to publicist Joann Mignano, and he sustained a fractured nose and split lip, for which he received a few stitiches.  He went for x-rays and has a precautionary CAT scan scheduled because of a previous neck injury. 

But why was Poison even at the Tony Awards?  Hair Metal bands are not generally a staple in the community that frequents Broadway musicals.  Evidently, he and his bandmates were asked to perform with the cast of the Broadway show Rock of Ages.

Rock of Ages is, according to its website: “An arena-rock love story told through the mind-blowing, face-melting hits of Journey, Night Ranger, Styx, REO Speedwagon, Pat Benatar, Twisted Sister, Poison, Asia, Whitesnake and many more”.  I know that when I think of face-melting music, I think: Journey.  That Steve Perry could belt out a power-ballad like “Open Arms” in a manner reminiscent of James Hetfield screaming “Blackened” at a Metallica show.  Face-melting, indeed.  The musical’s mind-blower is Constantine Maroulis, who was once on “American Idol”.

Bret Michaels, in between his music gigs, has become a reality tv star (who hasn’t?).  His show, Rock of Love, depicts his quest to find the perfect romantic lifelong partner by having 20 or so silicone-enhanced women compete in humiliating, alcohol-related tasks in order to win his heart.  Although none of the three seasons of the show have yet found him the girl he to whom he wants to offer an engagement ring, his loving heart and desire to remain relevant keep him going, season after season.

Prior to his injuries at the Tony Awards—and who doesn’t expect a little blood spilled at the Tonys?—Bret enjoyed mingling with Broadway performers and had photographs taken with legends Liza Minnelli and Angela Lansbury, who were no doubt thinking, “Who is this guy, and what’s with the wig?”

Roger Federer went into the French Open already in a position he doesn’t like: #2.  He lost his #1 ranking to Spaniard Rafael Nadal at the Australian Open.  Nonetheless, Federer went into the competition confident and ready to play.  The newly-married tennis champion already had 14 Grand Slam Men’s Singles titles, and was looking to win the one that eluded him throughout his career:  the French Open.  With wife Mirka Vavrinek in the stands and his wedding ring safely locked up so he wouldn’t lose it while playing, Roger Federer was prepared for almost anything.

"Okay, everyone drink NOW!"

Having made it to the finals, Federer took the court against Swede Robin Soderling, taking the first set with relative ease.  During the second set, however, some lunatic waving a flag from Barcelona’s soccer team jumped the barrier onto the court and ran at him.  Reviewing the video, it seems that man was trying to put a cap on Federer’s head, probably another souvenir from the Barcelona soccer club.  This was either the act of an insane person, or a drunken bet gone horribly awry. 

Although tennis matches are not necessarily known for being places to get loaded, unlike, for example: baseball games, football games, soccer games, and every other sport on the planet.  Except golf, maybe.  Any sport at which fans are quiet by definition requires a level of sobriety.  So maybe this guy broke the tradition and tossed back a few before hitting the French Open.   Maybe he and his friends invented a drinking game in which every time a player grunts, they have to drink.  Like the “Bob Newhart Show” drinking game, only in shorts.  Fun guy.  Or maybe he’s totally insane.  Little is known yet.

Regardless, it shook up pretty much everyone else in the stadium who remembers the 1993 on-court stabbing of then-#1 women’s player Monica Seles.  When the camera panned to Federer’s new wife, who is expecting their first child, she was visibly upset.    Federer himself tried to shake it off, but the second set went much longer than the first, with Federer finally taking it 7-6.  Taking the third set as well, Federer won his desired French Open title and tied Pete Sampras for the most Grand Slam Titles (14) and became the sixth man to complete a career Grand Slam.  Not bad for a 27-year old.

As for the lunatic who was picked up and carried off of the court by security guards, he can maybe work on his game—probably soccer—in a jailhouse league of some kind?

Evidently, all it takes for a person to feel more than seething resentment toward OctoMom Nadya Suleman is to hear Kate Gosselin revealing HER seething resentment toward OctoMom on the Dr. Phil Show.  It seems that someone is, indeed, more irritating to the soul than an unemployed mother of six setting out to have more kids.  And that person is Kate Gosselin.

It is this woman--and her inexplicable hair--that make OctoMom seem rational.

Kate has been all over the media lately because of her husband’s alleged affair, for child services looking into their family situation, for the pictures of her frolicking on the beach with her children, but not Jon.  What she never says—but what we infer—is that the only reason she hasn’t thrown her wedding ring in her husband’s face is because without him, there is no television show.  Kate tells Dr. Phil that, before she and soon-to-be-ex-husband Jon got their own reality show, they had over 50 people a week helping them and they could barely manage.  At the time, they had two 3-year olds and came home with 6 more.  She goes on to say that there’s no way that Nadya Suleman, without a supportive husband and people to help her, can possibly manage to raise happy, healthy children, considering that she had 6 to begin with and came home with 8 more.  Kate is also careful to mention on national television that we are all welcome to read about her own trials and tribulations in motherhood in her new book, on sale now.

In the video posted on YouTube, Suleman is watching the broadcast of Gosselin on Dr. Phil.  She says that Gosselin “sounds like her mother”, and that she is making far too big a deal of it.  Suleman does a lot of eye-rolling and says that the only word that keeps coming into her head is “histrionic”.  Perhaps Gosselin’s reaction is histrionic.  What is most impressive is that the word “histrionic” even exists in Suleman’s head.  Someone has been looking at her “Learn A New Word A Day” calendar!

If Suleman has been suffering under the pressure of having 14 children, she’s certainly not showing it.  She’s been seen out shopping, buying a new house while her mother’s is in foreclosure, getting her lips done (just admit it already).  She criticizes Gosselin for “cheating” by having a tummy tuck and breast implants when Suleman herself is, apparently, called ‘the rubber band’ by her friends because her body bounces right back into shape after giving birth.  And she’s done a LOT of that.  It is amazing, after how huge Suleman’s belly got with 8 babies in there, that she isn’t tucking her belly skin into her socks.

Job options for the OctoMom are limited, however.  Working a minimum wage job wouldn’t support her 14 children, and buying a $300,000 house might make the State of California question your need for public assistance.  Well, maybe.  We’ll let the Governator answer questions about that.  But the same good news that pulled Jon and Kate Gosselin out of their despair just came to the Suleman home:  Octo’s got herself a reality show.  For real.  Suleman’s attorney Jeff Czech confirmed to Usmagazine.com that she signed a deal last Thursday to star in her very own series.  And since she is unmarried, it is unlikely to cause the same family discord that caused Jon’s stepping out on Kate.

[As an aside, it should be noted that the media attention that the alleged affairs and marital woes drew was actually great for the Gosselin Clan.  When their show began its new season, it had its highest ratings ever.]

Certainly, there WILL be a media firestorm.  There already is.  According to the deal, Suleman and the producers of the still-to-be-named show will film several landmark events in the children’s lives, documentary-style.  They are calling it a “quasi-reality TV series”, which—let’s be honest—they all are.  The production company, Eyeworks, is prepared to allow Suleman to use a camera and film some of the show herself.  Czech was sure to say that, “Her television program will not be like the “Jon and Kate Plus 8” show.  [Nadya] is looking forward to providing her side of the story.”  While the show has no network takers yet, there is interest in it overseas.  But honestly, if Jon and Kate make for interesting viewing to 10 million people, then OctoMom ought to draw an enormous viewership herself.  I mean, she’s famous without a show.  Jon and Kate were nobodies until someone put them on tv.

So now the Kate/Nadya smackdown can go national.  Who will get higher ratings?  Who will offer the most ‘honest’ look into the lives of people with WAY too many kids?

Let’s just all be grateful that Nadya took the “high road” (if you can call reality tv the ‘high road’) and chose not to take up Vivid Entertainment’s offer to have her star in her own porn video.