Diamonds, Engagement Rings & Diamond Jewelry in popular culture

Our beloved scandal-ridden, sex-tape-making, nude-photo-posing, same-sex-marriage-hating, lawsuit-filing, out-of-court-settling ex-Miss California has found herself an appropriate opposite-sex mate.  The 22-year-old Carrie Prejean began dating 28-year-old St. Louis Ram Kyle Boller last July, in the middle of the controversy that made us aware of who she is.  Despite—and possibly because of—her fortuitously-discovered sex tapes and topless photos—the conservative Quarterback was interested in the Aryan poster-child.  And now, after only 7 months of dating, it seems that Kyle has given Carrie an engagement ring.

A Man and a Woman Intend to Marry Each Other.

Having taken time out of her busy bigotry-spreading and book-selling schedule, Prejean has fallen in love.  And just to clarify: she is engaged to a man, a member of the opposite sex, someone with different anatomy.  We don’t want to forget, any more than we want to forget her visit with Larry King in November, in which she refused to discuss anything relating to the controversy of which she had been a part.  She wanted to talk about her book, why Sarah Palin is her hero, how the liberal media persecute conservative women, her book, and her book.  Evidently, the former beauty queen didn’t realize what the show is about, and was unprepared to field any questions unless the answers could begin with, “In my book, Still Standing, I talk about…”.  

She also refused to take calls.  When a caller from Detroit, a gay man who loves pageants (imagine such a thing!), asked Prejean if she had any recommendations for his wedding.  She took off her microphone and threatened to walk off.  She had, after all, already told Larry King several times that he was “being very inappropriate” for asking why she settled her lawsuit against the Miss America Pageant.  How dare he ask questions in an, um, interview?

In her favor, Prejean, having been well-trained by undoubtedly some of the finest pageant coaches in the world (most of whom are men who date other men), didn’t lose her cool.  She kept smiling and saying, “Larry, you’re being very inappropriate”, and explaining, after putting her microphone back on, that her publicist had arranged it so she wouldn’t have to take any called-in questions. 

Despite all of her difficulties, Kyle has stood by Carrie, and now plans to make her his bride.  They got engaged in Prejean’s hometown of San Diego, where Boller owns a home and spends time during the off-season.  Our best of luck to the couple, who will probably get married in “her country” where everyone thinks just like her—or not at all.

Miami, FL – Everyone in the country is gearing up for tonight and Super Bowl XLIV.  It’s the biggest of the biggest football games, the clash of the titans (sit down, Tennessee, we ain’t talking about you), the World Championship game.  It is about the best of the best playing against each other for the title.  New Orleans Saints vs. Indianapolis Colts.  Drew Brees against Peyton Manning.  Some are calling this the greatest matchup ever.

One of Them Is Playing in the Super Bowl Today. The Other, Everyone Will Be Watching.

But that’s not what is getting press.  Sure, some sportswriters are focusing on the actual game, the talent of the teams, the matchup overall.  But most of the headlines, blog posts, articles, and water-cooler chat are revolving around something else.

The generous tuchis of Kim Kardashian.  Yeah, it’s Super Bowl Sunday.  The beers are chilling, the potato chips and cold cut platters have been picked up, and the two best football teams in the country are getting ready to play each other.  But what we want to know is: what will Kim Kardashian be wearing?

Sadly, it wasn’t hard to find the answer to that question.  Kim is superstitious, so she won’t be wearing a Saints jersey.  Perhaps she learned her lesson watching Jessica Simpson go from ‘good luck charm’ to ‘large-chested distraction’ after wearing her cute pink “Romo” jersey to just one Cowboys game.  Kim will be wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and boots, and will go with the Saints’ black-and-gold theme, but will not have the name “Bush” across her back.  If the rumors are true, she’ll also be wearing an engagement ring if the Saints win the Super Bowl. 

Vacuous former Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson already married herself an NFL player, and is looking forward to running out on the field if the Colts win the game.  Of course, she probably shouldn’t move too fast, as she doesn’t want to actually beat her second-string husband into any celebration.   Her child with back-up Cornerback Hank Baskett, Hank, Jr. will be wearing a little “Baskett” jersey, and Kendra will be in a custom Colts jersey that says “Mrs. Baskett”.  Ick. 

So we can keep up with the Kardashians and watch Kendra all in one sitting.  It’s not about two athletic teams: it’s a competition of Reality Show Famous-for-No-Reason Celebrities.  That’s not even taking into consideration that Brad Pitt and little Maddox left New Orleans for Miami yesterday to root on their Saints.  This is a Super Bowl that is already star-studded, and everyone is talking about it.

With all the world craning their necks toward the skyboxes to see how tight Kim’s jeans are or to find Brad and Maddox, one wonders if anyone will be paying attention to the action on the field.  It should be a great game.  Too bad almost no one will see it.

In an interesting twist, it seems that young Jesus Luz initiated the breakup with older-than-his-mom lady love Madonna.  We all assumed that he would ride the Madonna fame train for as long as he could, and she would continue to drink from his fountain of youth at least until he turned 25.  But no.  Jesus was ready to move on.  He’s already booking modeling jobs and has made a name for himself by being attractive.  Dating Madonna got him in the door, certainly, and now that he’s there, he’s ready to troll for some fresh meat himself.

The Price of Fame.

It’s not like we ever thought they’d get married.  First, Madonna has said that she’s rather get hit by a train than wed again.  Second, she would have to buy herself a suitable engagement ring, since Jesus still isn’t making the necessary bank to appropriately adorn the ever-aging finger of Madge.

Madonna must have flipped out when she was dumped by a guy she made famous.  She has a history of liking to control things.  But it seems that she couldn’t keep her claws in some 28 years younger.  Those young ‘uns got speed.  It has been reported that Jesus split from Madonna because of their busy work schedules.  His is only busy because Madonna took him from roaming the streets of Rio to walking the catwalks of New York, Milan, and Paris.  There were also indications that he had some difficulty with the age difference.  Sources said that he couldn’t imagine a long-term relationship with her.  Small wonder.  When he’s 30, she’ll be 58.  When he’s ready to settle down and have kids, she’ll be collecting her AARP benefits and social security checks.

Madonna, of course, also “leaked” a statement through a friend that she was growing weary of the relationship, that they had run out of things to talk about, that they had nothing in common but Kabbalah.  Um, duh.  Did they have anything to talk about in the beginning?  Their relationship seemed to primarily consist of:

“Hi, you’re hot and young.”

“Hi, you’re rich and famous.”

What then?  A long discussion about his ever-growing prowess at Guitar Hero?  An in-depth conversation about her painfully rigid diet and exercise regime?

They lasted a year.  So Madonna and Jesus did perform a miracle. 

Now Jesus can begin dating supermodels and Madonna can get back on her treadmill, and life will return to normal, without all the Jesus humor.  Now that’s sad.

Jim Carrey, the actor primarily known for facial contortions and odd behavior, has become “Sir Jim Carrey”.  Actually, since it’s France, the official title is ‘Chevalier’.  Nonetheless, he shares a title with other honorary knights like Sean Connery, Edward R. Murrow, Michael Gambon, Alec Guinness, Stephen Hawking, and George Mitchell.  Of course, those knights are in England.  Order of the British Empire.  Very much a big deal.  Carrey was given his title in France, the country that practically deifies Jerry Lewis.  So maybe it’s not quite the same thing.  He was knighted at the same time as Ewan McGregor, his co-star in I Love You Phillip Morris, a film about a con man who falls in love with his prison cellmate.  The pair celebrated their award with a kiss.

Chevalier Jim Carrey, The Most Honorable Knight in France.

This is not to say that Jim Carrey is now batting for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  He and Jenny McCarthy, who have been dating for almost five years but show no signs of getting married, will be hosting the fourth annual Saturday Night Spectacular, a very upscale pre-Super Bowl party, on February 6.  Maybe since Reggie Bush said he would marry Kim Kardashian if the Saints win the Super Bowl, Carrey and McCarthy will be inspired to exchange wedding rings.  Or not.  That’s not what anyone is talking about, anyway.

The fact is that Jim Carrey was knighted by someone who has the power to do that sort of thing.  It’s a big leap from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective to “Sir Carrey of Canada”.  French Culture Minister Frederic Mitterand, on presenting Carrey and McGregor with their honors, was heard to say, “I love you, Jim Carrey!  I love you, Ewan McGregor!”  Evidently, the French, in general, feel the same way.  Need I remind you again of Jerry Lewis?

In a way, it is very forward-thinking and bold that France would honor the pair as they wrap filming a movie in which two men fall in love.  Based on a true story, Carrey plays Steven Jay Russell, who meets his soulmate, Phillip Morris, while in prison.  In the film, which casts Carrey as a traditional romantic lead with a few twists, Russell comes up with elaborate plans for escape so he and his love can be together, and free.  Despite the movie being about men falling in love with each other, Carrey has said that he doesn’t “think it’s a gay movie”. 

Um, yeah it is.  There doesn’t have to be leather involved for it to be a “gay movie”.

It is a love story, it is “about the lengths we go to for acceptance or love” (according to Carrey himself), but it’s about two dudes who go to those great lengths.  Own it, Jim.  It’s okay.  We don’t like you any less for it, for heaven’s sake.

PLUS, the French just knighted you.  You and Ewan join George Clooney, Jude Law, Clint Eastwood, Roger Moore, and Vanessa Paradis (no Johnny Depp??)  Enjoy it, and stop dwelling on whether or not Jenny thinks less of you.  She stuck with you through The Yes Man.  She can certainly handle you kissing a guy.

Chevalier Jim Carrey.  Do I hear the thundering sound of the Four Horsemen?

Prince Harry, the beautiful ginger-haired Prince of Wales, arrived in the Caribbean to raise money for the Sentebale Foundation, a charity created by him to help the children of Lesotho, one of the poorest nations in the world.  He wanted to go to Haiti as well, but he was somehow convinced that it was a tremendous security risk.  How a trip to the earthquake-stricken, nearly-leveled island nation poses more of threat than sending the tall red-headed, pale-skinned Brit to war-torn Afghanistan is a mystery, but Harry agreed so he could get on with the fund-raising.

I'd donate to his charity, any day.

During the first annual Sentebale Polo Cup, Harry took a nasty spill, but turned it into an athletic-looking somersault and didn’t get injured.  In 2001, his Prince Charles was hurt while playing polo, getting thrown off a horse, knocking him unconscious, and he somehow swallowed his tongue.   Only the British get debilitating polo injuries.  Like father, not so much like son.

After the fall, Harry appeared to throw a truly royal hissy fit, throwing his mallet to the ground and ripping off his helmet.  He later explained that he wasn’t behaving like a spoiled child—something most of us expect from really rich people who suffer any sort of embarrassment—but he was upset at himself for the charity.  The previous night, Harry had met a businessman who offered to donate $50,000 if he fell off his horse during the match.  The man’s wife, according to Harry, “turned round and said ‘that’s a bit harsh, you should give him $100,000 of he stays on.’  And he agreed to seal the deal on that”.  Our beloved hot Prince was “furious” with himself because he felt that he ‘lost’ $50,000 for his foundation.  The businessman donated the full $100,000 anyway.  Beyond that, the match was an immediate sell-out, and Harry hopes to make it an annual event.

Since he was there, His Royal Ginginess took part in a huge charity concert broadcast live across the Caribbean to raise money for relief in Haiti.  While Barbados’ reigning Calypso King, Red Plastic Bag, performed for the enormous crowd, the third in line to the British throne made the Barbadians an offer they couldn’t refuse.  He said that he would dance on stage in front of millions of viewers if they donated 5,000 Barbados dollars (about $2484) within 25 minutes. 

They did.

And he honored his promise.  Red’s got rhythm!  Afterwards, however, he was heard to say, “There goes my credibility” (au contraire, Ginge), even as he himself made a donation—the amount of which he would not disclose—to the Haiti relief effort.  Red’s got a soul!

The Prince also visited a hospital, endearing himself to the children there.  He introduced himself to the children, shaking their little hands.  He held babies.  He talked to the nurses and volunteers.  Then, one little girl in a crib who was unable to get up craned her neck to the side and shouted “It’s Harry!  It’s Harry!”

I would probably have the same reaction.

He instantly went from ‘cute’ to ‘more adorable than a roomful of kittens’.

Of course, this brought about comparison to his mother.  Harry and Prince Seeiso of Lesotho—who joined Harry onstage to dance—created Sentebale in memory of the late Princess Diana.  When asked by a reporter about continuing his mother’s charitable work, he said, “I don’t know if I can follow in her footsteps…but I will always try to achieve what she achieved”.

Thankfully, rumored girlfriend Chelsy Davy was not with him.  Hopefully, all of those engagement ring and royal wedding rumors are just that.  I’ll be waiting for his call.

There’s not much that hasn’t already been said about Lady Gaga’s fashion choices at last night’s 52nd Annual Grammy Awards.  It isn’t that we didn’t expect it, really.  She has chosen to look odd ever since getting attention for her album “The Fame”, changing hair colors and wearing bubbles and feathers and Things That Do Not Look Like Clothes.  But her music has certainly become popular.

I think it's the mace-like hand accessory that makes the outfit.

Admittedly, my own knowledge of the music of Lady Gaga is limited to Christopher Walken’s ingenious reading of “Poker Face” on BBC 1’s Friday Night with Jonathan Ross last October.  Somehow, I was able to listen to that, while I have not yet been able to make it through even one full song of hers yet.  I’m working on it.

Last night’s performance with Elton John was, apparently, a mash-up of her own song “Speechless” and John’s classic “Your Song”.  It was very nice.  And a style match made in heaven.  If Elton John was a woman, he would probably dress like Lady Gaga.  Or he would have, like 20 years ago.  Maybe 30. 

Lady Gaga showed up at the Grammy Awards last night wearing yet another inexplicable dress, inexplicably designed just for her by Giorgio Armani.  It was sort of pink and glittery and very rigidly molded.  It had sort of Saturn-like rings all around it, also pink, and also glittery.  There was not a real hemline.  It was more like the bottom of a sculpture.  From the front, it revealed, well, pretty much everything.  Underneath the ‘dress’ was a bottom-of-the-platform-shoes to top-of-the-head (including hair!) bodysuit that looked as though it was encrusted with diamonds.  Fortunately, the bodysuit included bejeweled panties that covered up all of the Lady’s naughty bits.  Close-ups of Lady Gaga’s face reveal that she was not wearing a wig.  It was hair attached to a head-covering bodysuit.  It was almost medieval armor-ish.  Only with long, yellow, feathered hair attached. 

For her performance with Elton John, she changed into another glittery get-up, this time an aqua bodysuit with high-cut legs.  She was also sporting hot pink sequined triangles around her eyes.  From a distance, it looked like makeup.  But after she performed part of “Poker Face” and was ceremonially dumped into a machine marked “rejected”, she emerged covered in soot and her pink triangles were gone.  Seems like performing with Elton John would be the ideal time to don the famous pink triangle, but what do I know?  Anyway, the duet was lovely, with both of them playing piano and singing beautifully.  It was almost possible to look past the shoulders of Gaga’s bodysuit, which extended both vertically and horizontally, giving her an appearance of sequined, aquamarine wings folded at her sides.  And not in a good way.

It was when she took her seat that her red carpet gown and performance attire were both completely eclipsed, as was the view of everyone sitting behind her for at least 3 or 4 rows.  She wore what seemed to be the same bodysuit that was underneath her Armani creation, but wore a silver jacket with fiery, lightning bolt-like thingies sticking up from the shoulders and out from her elbows.  There was a hat to match.  That hat was probably what might be called ‘architectural’.  It sort of mirrored the lightning bolt motif, but was a bit more ‘Crown of the Ice Queen”.  And it was very, very tall.  Photos show a musician seated behind her looking up at it, probably wondering how he was going to see any of the show at all.  Gaga herself was watching the show through pink triangles again, but this time they were a bit more subdued.  They failed to glimmer quite the way her performance hot pink eye triangles did.

What can be said about Lady Gaga that hasn’t already been said?  Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to look past all of it and listen to her music.  People have likened Lady Gaga’s performance style to that of Freddie Mercury, but I disagree.  Lady Gaga is way gayer.

In 1993, Cindy Margolis was named by the Guinness Book of World Records as the Most Downloaded Woman on the Internet.  This was not because of her insightful commentary on world events or because of her rapier-like wit.  It’s because she looked good naked.  Or nearly naked.  And now, at age 44, after one divorce, three children, and a spread in Playboy, she finds herself single for the first time in her life, and still looking good without clothes on.   So she did what any normal former-Playmate-now-nearly-unrecognizable-because-of-cosmetic-surgery would do: create a reality show.  The contestants were chosen from the biggest fans of her website.  That was sure to bring in the winners.

This Classy Chick Is Looking For A New Life Mate. Or Something.

And boy, did it.  Ranging in age from 18 to 71, men from all over the world (okay, all Americans except for one Brit and one Mexican) responded to her web request and 24 lucky guys showed up, ready to compete.  Rather than just having the boys move into the house, Margolis planned her “dream wedding” and set it up so each man would walk down the aisle to her as she waited on the altar.  Such a Cinderella story.  A woman made famous on the internet for showing her goodies stood outside on a beautiful day, wearing a beautiful dress, surrounded by guests, waiting for the 24 men of her dreams to show up. Forgoing the tradition of receiving engagement rings from any of them as they arrived, she greeted them warmly, no matter what they looked like.

And they are quite a bunch.  19-year-old Jonathan Brown was proud to announce that he experienced his first, ahem, reaction to a picture of Cindywhen he was just 9.  He says that his dream would be to take her to Comic-Con.  71-year-old John, a British gentleman, likened his introduction to Margolis to “meeting the Queen of England”, and then went on the say, in his charming English accent, that the most attractive part of Cindy is…something they can’t show on Fox Reality Network.  Also included in her slew of suitors is a professional wrestler who rips his shirt off when he meets her at the altar, after which she says, “At my dream wedding, all the men rip their shirts off”.  Classy.  There is Chris, a musician with more piercings than brain cells and an inexplicable long, jet-black beard; a Tupac Shakur impersonator; an idiot longshoreman known as Timmy Z; a salmon fisherman from Alaska; a Playgirl model; and some random 18-year-old kid, among others. 

As night falls, Cindy stands in front of her wedding cake and refers to this time being her ‘wedding reception’.  The creepiness factor only increases as she slices a piece from the cake and announces that the man to whom she gives the cake will be invited to spend some private time with her in the “Love Shack”.  Last night’s winner was a 23-year-old college wrestler who had presented Cindy with a t-shirt from his alma mater for her oldest son.  That touched her heart, apparently, so she invited him for some quality time away from the 23 other guys.  Actually, it was only 22 other guys, since 71-year-old John had already bailed, saying that he was too old to deal with the “teenage garbage” that was going on at the house already.

Anyway, Margolis, who had previously said, “You can’t kiss anyone on TV” ended up with her tongue down the throat of her young escort, and all within telescope range of the tequila-shooting contestants in the house above.  Clips from later episodes reveal that she doesn’t limit herself to making out with just that one admirer. 

Her first challenge for the men on the show was to submit a sperm sample, so she could learn who is most potent.  And the 18 remaining contestants all stepped up to the plate, so to speak.  It is not surprising to learn that she got reality TV dating advice from Bret Michaels of Rock of Love, Rock of Love II, and Rock of Love: Tour Bus.  Cindy does say that she falls in love, but adds that she did so with more than one man.  At the end of the series, it will be interesting to see if any of the contestants really want to marry this woman forever, or if they just want to test-drive a famous naked chick.

Good luck with that, Cindy.

It’s bad enough that this year’s NFL All-Star Game is going to be played in Miami, rather than the traditional location in Hawaii.  Those boys deserve a nice trip to Hawaii after a long season of busting heads.  But this year, the Pro Bowl will be played the week before the Super Bowl.

I’m sorry.  What?

Yes, one week before the Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints battle it out for the title and the biggest, gaudiest, most tasteless of high-quality commemorative diamond rings, the Best of the Best are supposed to play against each other.

See Peyton Manning Do THIS During the Pro Bowl This Year.

The Best of the Best.  Talking heads in the NFL have said that they are holding the Pro Bowl before the Championship game because playing it after seems “anti-climactic”.  If by ‘anti-climactic’, they mean that they believe in their hearts that viewers don’t want to see the best players on the field, then they are right.  But coaches Sean Payton of the Saints and Jim Caldwell of the Colts would have to have rocks in their heads to let any of their players risk injury one week before the Super Bowl.

There’s a reason that Major League Baseball holds their All-Star Game mid-season.  It doesn’t interfere with the World Series, which takes place three months later, and, even then, certain players sit out if they are thisclose to injury.  And the NFL knows this.  Playing the Pro Bowl after the Super Bowl allows even players from the Championship team to be involved, if they want to.  And who doesn’t?

What’s the difference, really?

Well, the NFC starting quarterback, according to rosters released in the end of December, is four-time All-Star Drew Brees of the…(wait for it)…New Orleans Saints.  Yeah, he ain’t playing.  But at least he’s done it before.  Starting Guard Jahri Evans, a first-time All-Star, also from the Saints, won’t play because an injury in a game that counts for nothing would be totally stupid when he is to start in the biggest game of the season one week later.  His first time to be an All-Star, and he won’t play.  How PO’d do you think he is about this decision?  Linebacker Jonathan Vilma would have appeared for the second time, but, alas, he will not.  He will watch and fume from the sidelines.

That’s it, NFL.  Tick off a nice, big linebacker.

One team had six players selected for the Pro Bowl.  You guessed it: the Indianapolis Colts.  We won’t see Dwight Freeney, Robert Mathis, Jeff Saturday, or Reggie Wayne.  Who else won’t we watch that day?  Dallas Clark and Peyton Manning.

Peyton Manning is not playing in the Pro Bowl.  Welcome to the world of Big, Stupid Decision by Failed Athletes in Front Offices.  Manning, Freeney, and Mathis were all to be starters.  Not that the AFC is short on talent, but the best players are supposed to play in an All-Star Game.  That’s where the name comes from.

So this year’s Pro Bowl will be a lovely forum in which to watch a great group of also-rans competing while members of the Saints and Colts breathe fire on the bench.  The very talent that helped their teams reach the Super Bowl is keeping them from playing in the Pro Bowl.

It is said that players from the Saints and Colts will be there for the first half of the game, but, again, they’d have to be crazy to risk getting injured with the biggest game of the year, often the most-watched sports event in the US, just one short week away.  And then there’s the addition burn of having it in Miami, the same city in which the Super Bowl is held.  “Kicking off an exciting Super Bowl week” the folks in the NFL offices say.

There are stupid decisions, and then there are STUPID decisions.  This one ranks in the second category.  If you underline it.  And then make it bold.  Then make the font larger.

I’ll watch the Super Bowl, but I’m boycotting the Pro Bowl on principle.  I mean, really.

Yes, we’re still talking about MTV’s runaway hit Jersey Shore, thanks to the controversy raised by Italian-American advocacy groups speaking out against them.  Now the heavily hair-gelled, silicone-enhanced, diamond-stud-wearing crew is asking for a raise.  They want $10,000 per episode.  JWoww evidently needs more cash to make those glorified napkins she’s calling her ‘signature’ tops to reveal her impressive chest.  And the electric bills from ironing their wife-beater tank tops must be outrageous.  Then there’s the cost of the gym memberships, the tanning salon visits…I could go on.

It costs a lot to keep your hair this high and your skin this orange.

So Snooki, “The Situation” and Pauly D, among others, are asking for more.  According to the New York Post, MTV “would like the popular names to return, but if the cast doesn’t agree to lower their demands, producers can easily replace them”.  True enough.  After all, Snooki is already bucking for her own reality show Snookin’ For Love, in which, she proudly announced, about 25 ‘guidos’ would compete for her love.  Maybe she should talk to Flavor Flav before she counts on reality TV to find her a soulmate.  But she certainly won’t have difficulty locating 25 ‘guidos’.  We’ve all seen the bar scenes.  Their particular corner of the shore is crawling with heavily-muscled, under-educated, orange fellas.

The current cast has taken full advantage of their new celebrity status.  They’ve partied in Las Vegas, met famous people, and have a following even among the Hollywood elite.  Michael Cera is such a fan that he not only hung with the cast, but allowed them to give him a guido makeover, famously moussing his hair skyward.  Ben Affleck has said that he hasn’t seen the show, but feels like he should.  The cast has even been photographed with the cast of The Hills and met Lindsay Lohan.  They must be so proud.  Maybe JWoww and Heidi Montag can discuss flotation-device-sized cosmetic enhancements.  Or their own burgeoning careers as fashion designers.

On the reunion show after this season wrapped, Sammi and Ronnie, speculated throughout the run to be on the road to shopping for Jersey quality engagement rings, broke up.  They cited Sammi’s apparent flirtation with a police officer and Ronnie possibly hooking up with JWoww.  Tears, anger, and running mascara ensued.  In never-before-seen footage, Mike “The Situation” comforts a crying Sammi and kisses her ‘near her mouth’.  Ronnie became angry in true Jersey Shore style, saying, “It really makes no difference to me. I cut girls quicker than barbers do, to be honest with you”.

It would be worth it to see Snooki at a ‘barber’, who would probably have no idea to give her the gravity-defying style that defines her.  Only a Jersey stylist, the same ilk that gave Adrianna on The Sopranos (prior to her death) her entertaining hairdos, could possibly execute such a move.

Snookin For Love is practically a go, although it sounds more VH1 than MTV.  As for the rest of the cast, they’ve already made impressive bank and can ride this fame wave for long enough to parlay it into their own spinoffs, or, as JWoww is already pursuing, clothing lines.

Our best wishes to the rest of the cast, wherever they end up.

Since the tragic earthquake in Haiti over a week ago, various charitable organizations have made an effort to send aid.  Celebrities have been jumping all over the cause, with the MacDaddy of Third-World Philanthropists, George Clooney, organizing a telethon that is expected to bring in millions.  The event takes place on Friday, January 22, and will have an array of stars doing everything from performing to answering the phones.

Imagine this:

Volunteer:  “Thank you for calling Hope for Haiti Now.  This is Brad Pitt.”
You: “What?”

Yeah, he might answer if you call.  So could Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Aniston.  As of right now, Angelina Jolie is not expected, but that’s probably just as well since she practically ripped the wedding ring off Aniston’s finger a few years back.  You remember that, right?

Amy Fisher Loooooooooves Haiti! Dial Now!

Clooney has used his exceptional star power to bring in Sting, Bono, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, Wyclef Jean, and Shakira.  Christina Aguilera, Taylor Swift and Justin Timberlake are all expected to perform on the live broadcast in Los Angeles, with Wyclef reporting from NYC and Anderson Cooper from Haiti. 

Stars are contributing in other ways, too.  Aside from donating tons of cash, some are taking part in an auction of clothes they wore to the Golden Globes this past Sunday.  Olivia Wilde, Amy Poehler, Meryl Streep, Josh Brolin, and Gerard Butler will be giving 100% of the money raised to Artists for Peace and Justice, which will, in turn contribute it all to the relief efforts.

And then there’s Amy Fisher.  She’s helping, too.  Amy Fisher is the Girl Who Inspired Three Movies of the Week.  She was the girl with the crimped hair who had an affair with a middle-aged mechanic and shot his wife in the face.  And now she is a happily married mother of two who stars in her own pornographic videos (I’ll bet that makes Career Day interesting), hosts her own X-rated website, and, as a part of the deal she made with the distributor of her first sex tape, takes off her clothes periodically at Scene Restaurant and Lounge in Commack, Long Island.  She will be working the pole there tonight, Friday and Saturday, and has made it more than known to the New York Post that she will give a portion of her earnings to the cause.  Kudos to Amy.  Go see her show, and be sure to give ‘til it burns!